Codependency in New Parents with Jamie Given

The Codependummy Podcast

-What does codependency look like in new mothers and fathers?

-And how about being codependent with grandparents (your parents as well as your in-laws)?

-How can new parents combat codependency generationally in order to foster interdependence in their children?

Welcome to Episode 155! This week, I’m joined by Jamie Givens, LMFT, to talk all about codependency in new parents. We discuss what codependency looks like in new parents between each other, with their children, then focus on grandparents - both your parents and in-laws. Jamie describes the short- and long-term consequences of unaddressed codependency in these relationships and what new parents can do to cultivate interdependence to honor their family unit. We conclude with hearing the long-term benefits of this work which can serve as motivation for new parents everywhere. It’s a must-listen!

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More on this week’s guest:

Jamie Given, LMFT, is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, group practice owner, wife and proud mother of 3 children. Her therapy practice is Given Guidance Family Counseling and emphasizes the importance of counseling for the whole family.

https://givenguidance.com

[phone] - call and get $10 off your first session!

More deets on this week’s episode:

We begin with hearing Jamie’s definition of codependency with a focus on the individual who does not value themself and lacks self-confidence. She opens up about codependency in her own life via her relationship with her older sister. Jamie recalls how her sister spoke for her, interjected for her, and how they were always intertwined while growing up. As an adolescent, she found her voice and that caused conflict since she previously needed her sister for everything.

We shift focus to one of Jamie’s specialties: helping new parents transition to parenthood. Jamie discusses how new parents are vulnerable to being codependent on their new baby! This manifests as a new parent perceiving their new baby as the potential source of unconditional love for them. Codependency can also exist between two parents on each other as well as with their parents - the grandparents of the baby.

Jamie describes what codependency can look like in a new mother or father both with their biological parent (one set of grandparent) as well as with their in-laws (the other set of grandparents). A new father/husband/adult son can be codependent with his mother/new grandmother and be over-reliant on her for help and advice on how to parent his new baby. This can lead to conflict with his partner/wife/new mother.

Jamie lists the short- and long-term consequences, including immediate conflict, disappointment, and unmet expectations. Long-term, this can lead to negative patterns, conflicts and eruptions, separation due to a lack of communication, and unaddressed assumptions.

In order to combat generational codependency in new parents, Jamie suggests that partners 1) talk as much as possible (including before the baby comes), 2) have clear communication with the grandparents, 3) know their values and use them as a guide, and 4) involve the grandparents through education.

If new parents are able to follow these suggestions and set healthy boundaries, Jamie asserts how this can lead to a healthy and successful family unit with ever-changing conversations that will productively address changing needs with the new baby. This will inevitably enhance the relationships and invite clear expectations between all involved in raising the baby.

Thanks for coming on Jamie! And thank you for being here, dear listener!

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See you next week!