99. The Mailbox - The Hidden Costs of Casual Sex: Unpacking the Abandonment Schema

The Good Mood Clinic Podcast

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In this episode, Gemma & Justine dive into a listener's question that touches on the emotional impact of casual sex, particularly for those who struggle with an abandonment schema. Using a listener’s experience with one-night stands and emotional triggers, we explore how unresolved attachment wounds can complicate what is often thought of as a carefree encounter. They discuss why casual sex may not feel so casual for individuals with abandonment wounds and offer insights into why emotional responses can be heightened in these situations.

Key Takeaways:

• Emotional Attachment During Casual Sex: Even if the intent is to keep things casual, those with an abandonment schema often experience deep emotional responses, which can make casual sex far more complicated.
• The Role of Childhood Trauma: Unmet emotional needs from childhood, such as parental abandonment or lack of care, can resurface during intimate encounters, leading to feelings of vulnerability or sadness.
• Understanding the Schema’s Influence: Individuals with an abandonment schema may unconsciously seek emotional connection and validation during casual encounters, despite knowing logically that the interaction is meant to be non-committal.
• Navigating "Situationships": Long-term casual sexual relationships may develop emotional attachments, further reinforcing feelings of rejection and abandonment when the other partner doesn’t reciprocate deeper connection.
• Healing and Moving Forward: Gemma and Justine encourage setting boundaries and communicating needs clearly, while also doing the inner work to heal the wounded child. This helps avoid reinforcing harmful emotional patterns and promotes healthier relationships.

Tips for Listeners:

• Recognize Your Emotional Needs: If casual sex leaves you feeling hurt or triggered, it’s essential to acknowledge the role your abandonment schema may be playing.
• Be Honest With Yourself: Are you hoping for something more from your partner? It’s crucial to recognize when you’re longing for a deeper emotional connection that the other person may not be able to provide.
• Set Clear Boundaries: If casual sex is not working for you emotionally, it might be time to reassess your boundaries and be upfront about what you want from your relationships.
• Focus on Healing: Work on healing your core abandonment wounds through therapy or self-reflection to reduce vulnerability in intimate situations.

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