Episode 24: The Anxious-Avoidant Trap: How Attachment Styles Impact Your Arguments

The Evolved Caveman w/ Dr. John Schinnerer

One partner has an anxious attachment style and gets triggered by her partner needing a time out during an argument, or threatening to leave. The other partner has an avoidant attachment style and gets emotionally flooded during disagreements. During these challenging moments, the anxious partner seeks to turn towards their partner, needing to reconnect in order to calm their physiology. The avoidant person turns away from the relationship, seeking time and space to calm themselves. The anxious partner pursues the avoidant partner verbally and physically, resulting in neither person getting their needs met. This is one of the most common relational dynamics we have seen in our private practice assisting couples to rekindle their passion and connection. Even Joree and John struggled with it! Listen in as they explain what this dynamic is and, more importantly, how to break out of it for a happier and more connected relationship. Here’s a hint: It takes a combination of individual work and relational work to evolve beyond it!

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