Episode 65: Social media & online etiquette: The internet never forgets

The Be THAT Mom Movement Podcast: Protecting kids in a digital world

The internet never forgets and that is why our kids need guidance on how to "behave" online! Check out these tips for you and your kid to keep this in mind!

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Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Social media and on online etiquette, it is a thing. And it's something to consider when you're talking to your kids and help guiding them in the deep blue sea of the big, massive digital world. So today I'm going to give you five tips to help you. As you go down this path, stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:22):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host Dolly Denson,

Speaker 1 (00:48):

To stay in touch with your kiddo, but don't quite want to give them a phone yet, check out the tick talk, watch it is the best way to stay connected with your kid while keeping them safe and knowing exactly where they are. It includes streaming music has an activity. Tracker has parental controls. You can text, you can call between each other and you can set up a place where, you know, if they go outside of a certain perimeter, such as their school or your neighborhood, check them out today and use code, be that mom for a discount. So, as I've said in a couple of other episodes, I have to apologize if there's a little bit of background noise. I need to pick a different day to record these episodes because the day that I am recording it is often also laundry day. Or I need to have a new location where I'm not right next to the utility room.

Speaker 1 (01:40):

You know, so if you hear some background noise, me and I can't talk today, that is our dryer and our washing machine. And I'm hoping that the microphone does not pick it up, but a Yeti microphone is amazing at picking up sounds so it may pick it up. So I apologize for that. If you do hear that background noise. So before I get started, I also want to tell you that me and my husband just came back from a trip to Riviera Maya, Mexico. It was the most amazing trip meant so much. It was so relaxing because it's been so long since we've been able to do anything like that. So I just want to recommend to you wherever you are in the world, find something that you can do safely, according to what the situation is for you, where you live, but find time for yourself, find time for you to relax, to let your mind rest, to disconnect from all of the things, because it's so very powerful when we put ourselves before all the other things, it's so easy to get up and to grab the phone and to start looking at all the latest events and what's going on today and who said what and who posted what and all of those things.

Speaker 1 (02:48):

And we lose track of ourselves and all of that. And I think that this past year has seriously highlighted how important it is for us to put ourselves first, to take care of ourselves and really a concerted, intentional effort to take care of ourselves. And when it comes to being in a relationship, if you have a significant other or a spouse, highly recommend that you take individual time with them, you know, quality time talking to each other face to face, put the phones away, disconnect from all the things it's so important to keep that connection and have that time to just reconnect and do all of the things outside of the busy-ness of life. And when it comes to raising kids, I feel like it's just the norm for it to be a rollercoaster. It was before all this digital stuff, I'm old enough to know what it was like to raise a child before the digital things entered our realm.

Speaker 1 (03:42):

And unfortunately, my kids were the kind of the Guinea pigs when it comes to all the digital things, because some of these things that are out there now that I always mentioned are such a gift for parents these days to help guide you. They didn't exist then because we weren't aware of the dangers. So in order for you to help yourself navigate this rollercoaster, I highly recommend that you are taking time for yourself and whatever that looks like for you. But you know, some big things that you can do are starting out your morning with intention. I mentioned this in some of my episodes, but starting out your morning with intention, don't grab that phone right away. I need to do that myself. I'm very bad at picking up my phone as soon as I wake up and I'm getting out of bed, but, you know, leave that phone aside, get some positive thoughts going in your head, maybe listen to a meditation app that has like a short five or 10 minute little talk or reflection or meditation or Bible verse.

Speaker 1 (04:38):

And then after that start with maybe a little bit of movement or exercise plan out your day for what you're going to eat and how you're going to drink and all of those things. And that goes such a long way. When it comes to caring for ourselves, setting an example for our family, and then also just giving ourselves that space to take care of ourselves so we can better take care of them. I think that's one of the most impactful things that I've did. Like I've mentioned in some other of my early, early episodes. One of the most impactful things I did for my kids was to realize that I needed to take care of me first. And then it wasn't selfish to do that. And even though I started it later in the game and they were a little bit older, it still has had an influence, even though I kind of instilled some, not the best habits with their eating and things like that over time, I have seen them, you know, like kind of absorb what they're seeing me doing and saying, and eating and exercising and all of that.

Speaker 1 (05:35):

And they're implementing those same things. So just whatever it looks like for you, be the example for your kids by taking care of yourself first. Okay. I just can't emphasize that enough. And like I say, at the end of some of my episodes in my fit club ad that I've put at the end, I do have a support community. I have tools to help you. I do wellness coaching on the side of this podcast. It's just another one of my businesses. So if you are in need of more guidance in that area, I connect you with some experts in design tools and I provide a support community to help you. And very soon, I'm going to provide another level of coaching that I will expand on at a later date and related to some coursework that I'm doing right now in order to expand my nurse practitioner practice.

Speaker 1 (06:21):

So I will be expanding on that right now, but I do have a wellness coach business, and I have a space for you. If you're needing to tame the crazy and get yourself back on board in your own life, I do have that for you. So please connect with me. Okay. So just wanted to mention that because our trip to Mexico was so refreshing. It was not long enough. It needed to be a couple of days longer, but the sunshine, the waves, listening to the ocean, just spending some quality time with my husband was so very valuable and I'm able to come back and be much more present with my family, my kids, and do the things that they are needing me to do. Even though, you know, it's challenging in high demand because I have taken care of myself and also me and my husband make it a point to take care of our relationship together.

Speaker 1 (07:09):

So can't emphasize that enough. So today let's get to our topic of social media and online etiquette. I saw this in a discussion in one of the parenting groups that I'm in and I just thought, oh my gosh, that is so very important and such a good point for parents to make a parent posted in this group and said, I'm getting ready to give my kid their first phone. I understand some of the dangers, you know, blah, blah, blah. But I want to know what are the top things that you tell your kids or that I should tell my kid when it comes to what they do online. And so I went through some of the responses of the different moms, and here are the top five ones that I picked out of there that I do think will be valuable for you as you help guide your kid as well.

Speaker 1 (07:55):

So the first thing, and probably perhaps the most important one of all five is to never, ever provide personal identifiable information ever. So this is their full name, their birthday, their address, where they attend school, what their parents' names are, other things that would help someone to be able to find to them or to track them. And I may think of a couple extra things now that I'm talking about this. So that would be super important because you don't know who it is on the other side of that screen, they can say that they're a 14 year old girl or boy or whatever, but they're actually a 29, a 39 or 49 year old person, you know, so never, ever provide personal identifiable information to anyone that you meet online ever. The second thing is, if a person you meet online offers you a gift or, you know, somehow wants to give you something that, that is a red flag.

Speaker 1 (08:57):

Like, to-do go tell mom and dad, okay. So they want to gift them a skin. They want to gift them something in the mail. What's your address I'm going to mail is to you, that type of thing, never, ever, ever accept gifts from anyone that you don't know. The third thing is always, always, always lead with kindness. So you don't know, I know who that person is on the other side. And just like, you don't know if they're a predator for you, you don't want to be the bully for someone else. You know, writing outwards is more harsh than speaking them oftentimes, right? Because you can't infer tone when you're reading something. So sometimes something can be misconstrued and the child could be taken as the bully for someone else. You don't know what that other person is going through. They might take it personally.

Speaker 1 (09:49):

You know, you just can't infer tone. And so went online, always be kind. The fourth thing is at the internet, never forgets, never things are recoverable. Even if they're disappearing pictures, even if they're a disappearing message, even if they're within a certain app, there are ways to recover anything and everything that is put out there. So never, ever, ever put anything out there that you don't want mom and dad to know about. You don't want future college to know about, you don't want a future coach or, you know, someone looking at you for a scholarship to find out never, ever, ever put anything out that in any way, shape or form is something that you don't want blasted everywhere. Right. Okay. And then the fifth one that I had on my list here is when, in doubt, when there's any, you know, kind of an uncomfortableness, you're not sure about this certain situation that you're in online, walk away and go tell mom and dad.

Speaker 1 (10:48):

So that one kind of has a gray area. And I think kids don't have the best judgment. So all of them, you know, this and all the other ones are good Gleaners to tell them, but also always know that their judgment is different than yours. You know, just think back to your middle school and teenage years and the stupid things that you did and not seeing that that's not a normal thing. That's a normal thing, but we need to realize that access to the online world, along with them still being in the childhood young adult development can be a collision course with the things we don't want to be them to be a part of. Right? So those are the five tips that I had written down. But I want to say one more that I just thought about, and that is that if you don't know them in person, you haven't seen them in real life.

Speaker 1 (11:39):

Do not trust what they are telling you. So if you meet someone that looks like someone you went to elementary school with, and they're saying that they're such and such age, and they remember you from elementary school and you look at their picture and you don't quite them, but okay, well, elementary school was a long time ago. And then you start talking to them, just know, always know this is what I would impart to them. Always know that all of the information they're sharing with you can be completely made up and their pictures can be completely edited, that you can take an adult picture and make it look like a child or even a young toddler with the different filters that are out there. And you just never know who is on the other side of that screen. So right along with not providing any personal identifiable, I can't say that word information always assume that what people are telling you isn't necessarily the truth, unless you know them in real life.

Speaker 1 (12:32):

So along with that, do not give your personal information to anyone you haven't met in real life. Like uncle Joe, that you follow on a certain social media platform, but then you have this other person that you just connected with, you know, through a post that you were following or something like that. You just can't trust that that other person is who they say they are without meeting them in person and knowing them in person. Okay. So those are the tips that I wanted to give you today about social media and online etiquette. I hope that this was helpful for you. Like I say, in every episode as I'm finishing it, I truly, truly do. I did everything the wrong way. And my kids were, unfortunately, the Guinea pigs as the digital world emerged in its early years, there wasn't enough known about the effect of it.

Speaker 1 (13:19):

And so they were the Guinea pigs, and I was the parent that just didn't know that the impact was going to be as much as it was. And so my mission here is to help you navigate this, to help you be that mom that is proactive in this space, but also be that mom that knows that this is important and is something that we need to pass on to other moms. So if you run across another mom who is not familiar with some of these things that you were trying to instill and guide your child with, please share it with them, share these tips, share my podcast, share the tools that I mentioned, because I think that what we have to do as a generation of parents is we need to spread this beat out, mom movement out to more parents. And in the long run, it is our children that are going to benefit from that.

Speaker 1 (14:08):

Because there won't be so many that are peer pressured because they don't have that fancy phone that everybody else has. We need to realize that these things do have an impact and no child should have a phone at a young age without guidance, without boundaries. I'm not here to tell you which one is right for you or what path is exactly right. But it's undeniable that these things do have an impact in our kids need guidance. So spread the word, share my podcast, share these tools. And my code for bark is be that mom, it gets you 20% off. Plus a seven day free trial. My code for the pinwheel phone, the dumb smartphone that I highly highly highly recommend is be that mom dash 10 T E N. And then for the tick- tock watch as a first kind of way to keep track of your kid as they become more independent and do more things away from you.

Speaker 1 (15:00):

My code for the tick talk watch, I can never say that altogether is be that mom altogether, all caps. So those are the things that I highly recommend. I also had an episode about M spy. Another thing that's similar to bark. If you're outside of the U S and are needing something similar to that, look in my show notes for a digital resource download that I have that gives you some steps and gives you some of these pointers that I share in my episodes. The things that I think are the most important stay tuned for my course, that's coming out soon. I keep saying that and I keep having to push the date back of it, getting out because there just so many different things going on. So I hope that with all these resources you will share, share, share, and let's get this to where being that mom is not a bad thing.

Speaker 1 (15:45):

It's not a negative thing. It's just the way it is. Okay. So let's spread this movement and let's get more people on board. So our kids aren't too. The ones that are the different ones are the outcast because we are being proactive. Our kids are the ones that are developing and developing on track and in a positive space and where they don't feel like they're not good enough. And they don't have to worry about being bullied and being, um, you know, preyed upon, by a predator. All of those things, all of those things that are a risk once they start getting online. But, you know, we have a tendency to kind of bend on those things when they have peers that are pressuring them and saying that their mom is too strict and all of that, okay. I am sitting on the other side of all of that stuff.

Speaker 1 (16:31):

And I did it all with kind of the peer pressure in the wrong way for my kids personally. And so I just want to impart upon you some of the experience and knowledge I've had and to help you not have such a difficult path like I did. And now that we're on the other side of it, I can see that it was so very worth it for us to do the things that we did, even though it was mega hard at times, it was so very worth it. So stick with your instincts and stick with your rules and your boundaries and all the things that you need to in order to help guide your kids along this path, as they get more and more into the digital world. Okay? So take this social media and online etiquette tips, pass them along, use them for your kiddos, and I'll chat with you next.

Speaker 2 (17:14):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time, real

Speaker 1 (17:28):

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