Chapter 15... Lifegasm Book I: Marshall's Promise

Lifegasm Book I: Marshall's Promise

*Things Fall Apart* EXCERPT: If the grocery store was a strikeout, the rest of the week was a losing streak. One of the reasons I’d been so attracted to Little Jack was his willingness to dominate me. As a good feminist, I’d never known I was allowed to want to be dominated. It was never a spoken rule, just an assumption: strong women can’t be held down by men. But, as a lover in Los Angeles later told me, “I’ll hold you down, but I’ll never hold you back.” I’d come to terms with the fact that I was turned on by being dominated. Our bodies are the highest of high-performance vehicles, and, while it’s thrilling to be in the driver’s seat, it’s a novel thrill to sit shotgun; the power of submission is in choosing who you hand the keys to. I am of the mind that lots of us know this to be true even if less of us are willing to admit it. In any case, Little Jack now seemed either unaware of my desire to be dominated or unwilling to act on it, which stood in marked contrast to that blissful afternoon when he’d tied me up back in La Grande. For the record, he had bought fuzzy handcuffs, so I think he thought he was trying to take the lead; we used them approximately once, then they lay dormant. And the thing about wanting to submit is that you can’t just ask for it: asking for it is a form of taking control, and the full dose of bliss comes from not being in charge.