Episode 84: The Widow’s Guide to Dead Bastards: Jessica Waite on grief, rage and self-reinvention when a relationship ends. Writing as a technology of healing.

Enough, the Podcast

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I’m in conversation with Jessica Waite, best-selling author of The Widow’s Guide to Dead Bastards. Sean, Jessica’s husband of 17 years, died unexpectedly, and after his funeral, when some of his personal effects were returned, she started piecing together parts of his secret life. In this conversation we talk about how you put your life back together after a romantic relationship ends. What if it’s complicated by grief, shock, and infidelity? Jessica talks about the importance of feeling her feelings – including questioning her enoughness, and an act of revenge. We discuss the use of writing as a technology of healing. You’ll also hear how she’s navigating being thrust onto the world stage with her vulnerable story, and how she’s grounding herself. Compelling, thought-provoking, and insightful. Join us!

3:44 How Jessica’s life unravelled after her husband’s unexpected death. 8:35 How did she make sense of his pornography addiction – and how that was different to the breach of trust in her marriage when she uncovered her husband’s affair. 13:42 “Emotional Spanx” – Emotions will bulge out somewhere; they cannot be cordoned off. 16:00 What is wholeness? 18:03 How Jessica practiced levity and compassion. How writing helped her to see herself as a character. 23:36 Writing as a technology of healing. 27:00 Some odd, paranormal situations start happening in Jessica’s life. 35:44 When starting to share vulnerable stories, it’s important who you share with. 36:01 The risk of sharing is real. Jessica’s story hits the British tabloids. 40:10 What Jessica is learning about who she is in this season of her life. 42:40 Grief as a dissolution of identity that leads to a reforming. 44:30 Strictly Come Dancing ex-dancer Janette Manrara talks about the pressures of public scrutiny 47:46 Jessica’s take on the arm-chair critics. 51:22 Brick of Wisdom

52:29 OUTRO – with a closing comment by Jessica

Links Jessica Waite’s website Jessica Waite’s book. Jessica Waite on Instagram. Mark Silverman’s episode (he discusses “Morning Pages”). Rosie Nixon’s episode (where she talks about life-changing lists). Full episode of Janette Manrara from Strictly Come Dancing.