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Episode 94: Entrenched in Struggle and Vulnerability, a Victim’s Journey through Narcissism
Manage episode 418340548 series 2903966
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Phoenix grew up in East Germany, still communist in 1972 with an enabling father, growing up being parented with a narcissistic mother she explains. Phoenix shares that she grew up in darkness, and her mother was lost within herself, not knowing her own identity, Phoenix slowly started to get to know herself, and as she did this, she felt she was shedding light on herself. Phoenix expressed that she really struggled to sort out who she was and what she wanted to be and felt that she was not lovable. Her childhood experiences led her to feel unworthy, insignificant, and small. She explained how she was unable to foster healthy relationships or understand how to manage conflict, or cope with difficult people and situations. Phoenix indicates that any relationship she entered, fell apart due to her insecurities and unfinished business with her prior life growing up. Phoenix shared a narrative that was running on repeat for herself was she was not enough, love could only be conditional, and this led her to learning art and precision in walking on eggshells. She later moved to West Germany, and later at the age of 21, she moved to New York to be a dancer, and found a way to express herself through dance. Along her journey, Phoenix believed that to be loved, she needed to be what the other wanted her to be. Her auto response became tuning in with every moment and plan her expressions based on what she thought they wanted her to say and how she was expected to behave. Phoenix admits that this was a mask, and this was not her authentic self, this way of expressing herself that she learned was not conscious, but felt the need to wear a mask, deeply entrenched in mass insecurities and filled with self-doubt. Her key message to the listeners is that: healing can happen, believe it; darkness may show up, but it’s not as scary as you think; look at yourself with more courage and fall in love with who you are; you are not alone, whatever you are suffering, you can hide it successfully, but it’s too isolating; isolation creates more shame; ask for help and break the pattern.
Visit Dare to Heal to find out more.
Guest Shoutouts:
Free Radical Self-Love Practice
Guest Links: Instagram: Instagram
Facebook: Phoenix Facebook Page
Website: Free Coffee Chat with Phoenix
LinkedIn: LinkedIn
YouTube: Youtube
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