Ep 167: The Cost of Control, Finding Freedom, and Building Stronger Relationships with Sharon Hodde Miller

We're Going There with Bianca Olthoff

Are you gripping the reins too tightly? Have you ever felt the need to control every aspect of your life, only to realize that control is just an illusion?

Today I speak to Sharon Hodde Miller, Pastor, Speaker, Author, and PhD about the often-unacknowledged desire for control. Together, we explore the seductive nature of control, how it often creates illusions of security, and the hidden costs of clinging to it.

Some takeaways from our conversation are:

• Control is an Illusion: We might think we have more control than we actually do, but true control is often fleeting. Exploring the limitations of our influence can be a liberating step.
• Surrender & Agency: Letting go of control doesn't mean giving up agency. It’s about finding the sweet spot between healthy boundaries and trust, recognizing that relinquishing control can lead to greater peace and flexibility.
• Cost of Control: Clinging to control can manifest in anxiety, stress, and unhealthy relationships. Sharon highlights the benefits of surrendering control and embracing the power of trust in fostering healthy connections.

We also discuss the theological and cultural roots of our obsession with control. Sharon offers practical advice for exercising agency instead of constant control. She also challenges us to embrace the benefits of surrendering control in our personal lives and relationships.

Let us know how you are letting go of control by tagging us at @sharonhmiller and me @biancaolthoff.

XO,

B

RESOURCES/LINKS

Guest

Sharon Hodde Miller

Book: The Cost of Control: Why We Crave It, the Anxiety It Gives Us, and the Real Power God Promises

Quote

The most free we ever were was not in the absence of boundaries, but because of them.

Takeaways

1. Control promises security and peace, but it ultimately betrays us, causing anxiety, complexity, and division.
2. The desire for control has theological roots in the story of Adam and Eve and cultural roots in a society that constantly promises control.
3. Letting go of control is important because it costs us more than it gains us.
4. Instead of control, God gives us agency and influence to exercise within the boundaries He has set.
5. Restoring boundaries, such as limiting phone usage, can help us exercise agency and let go of control.
6. Surrendering control can strengthen relationships and build trust.

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