Episode 79: His Will > My Will

Unexpected with Hannah Love

It’s safe to say we have all experienced the hills and valleys of life. Some hills are higher than others just like some valleys are deeper. One of those deep places, for me, was over ten years ago. I’ll set the scene a bit…

In January of 2013, I won the title of Miss Arkansa USA. While the accomplishment itself was a high point, it was mixed with a complicated backdrop. For months leading up to the competition, I had been trying to extricate myself from a years-long abusive relationship. Once I won the title, the grip there only got tighter. I worked hard to disentangle from it though, eventually able to give my full focus to my new job for the year.

So fast forward towards the end of my year as Miss Arkansas. I actually ended up dating a really fun, really good guy. After years in a controlling, toxic relationship, it was a BREATH of fresh air. I went from feeling like I lived under someones thumb to finally feeling like I was in a ‘normal’ happy relationship. Like the kind all my other girlfriends were in!

As you can imagine, I was heartbroken when he decided to break it off. Now, mind you, I was also really thankful for his honesty. Like I said, he was a good guy and he did the right thing. In fact, the whole time we were dating, my only prayer had been “I want YOUR WILL GOD, and not my own.” I seriously remember walking or working out daily with that one prayer on repeat as I power walked the trails or lifted at the gym. So, when he ended it, I knew it was right. As sad as I was. I also knew I had peace because I had been asking God’s will over my own. And so it had to be. To this day, I still think of this as one of my loneliest valleys. Single, alone, broken, and totally dependent on God. In fact,

I would walk and pray. I would pour over a handful of promises in psalms. At this point in my life, I read the Bible but I wasn’t in the Word every day except in hard moments. And that same prayer was still in the background on repeat…God, YOUR WILL. Not my own.

It was like I innately knew that the guidepost to my life had shifted because, for the first time ever… I surrendered fully my life to God’s plan for me. I knew He had one. I read the Bible and went to church. But it wasn’t until I had to come to the end of myself and trying my own way..that I finally surrendered it over. That prayer, “I want YOUR WILL, GOD. Not my own.” I meant it with all my heart. I began praying it after that horrible relationship. I began praying it because I knew I was the one who got myself into that mess and moving forward I genuinely wanted God to take the reins. I prayed it through the ‘happy relationship’ even knowing it could end in heartbreak. And it did. But I never let that prayer go. I STILL KNEW. I STILL BELIEVED God’s will for my life was better than one I could achieve on my own.

I feel like y’all probably know the rest of the story… the part where Shay and I meet. I was deeply settled into my single girl, me-and-jesus and nobody else season. I loved it. I didn’t want to leave the peace of living in His will.. But, as it turns out, Shay was part of that good and perfect plan. I’m so thankful I held onto that prayer. I’m so thankful I surrendered my own will for my life in my early 20’s. I’m so glad I didn’t fight it. Or harden my heart. Or search for my value in another relationship. I’m SO glad in those dark days, I surrendered it all to find freedom and worth and identity in just being God’s daughter.

God’s will was better than my own and His will is better than yours, too. God’s word is true. Once you surrender it all to Him, you’ll find peace. Peace beyond understanding. As Ephesians so beautifully says: “the resting place of his love will become the very source and root of your life.” And so it will. My story won’t be yours. But I promise, yours will have some mountains and valley’s too. And it will also hold opportunities for surrender.