65: Friday Field Notes: Breaking the Rules

The Unlearning Podcast

On today's episode, Ashley helps deconstruct toxic cultural rules given to us by society and the church. Instead, she offers up Melody Beattie's rules for healthy living found in her book "Beyond Codependency." Below is her list of rules:
1. It’s okay to feel my feelings and talk about them when it is safe and appropriate, and I want to.

2. I can think, make good decisions, and figure things out.

3. I can have, talk about, and solve my problems.

4. It’s okay for me to be who I am.

5. I can make mistakes, be imperfect, sometimes be weak, sometimes be not so good, sometimes be better, and occasionally be great.

6. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes, put myself first sometimes and say what I want and need.

7. It’s okay to give to others but it’s okay to keep some for myself too.

8. It’s okay for me to take care of me. I can say no and set boundaries.

9. It’s okay to have fun, be silly and sometimes enjoy life.

10. I can make good decisions about who to trust. I can trust myself. I can trust God, even when it looks like I can’t.

11. I can be appropriately vulnerable. I can be direct and honest

12. It’s okay for me to be close to some people.

13. I can grow and change, even if that means rocking a bunch of boats.

14. I can grow at my own pace.

15. I can love and be loved. I can love me because I’m lovable and I’m good enough.

Ashley would add two more:

It’s okay to stand up for myself. And it’s okay if others don’t agree or support that.

For more information on Ashley Lynn Hengst you can reach out to her on Instagram and Twitter at @ashleylhengst or on her website ashleylhengst.com