201 People Can Be Difficult

The Japan Business Mastery Podcast By Dale Carnegie Training Tokyo Japan

All of our problems walk on two legs and talk back”. I can’t recall when I first came across this expression, but it is true isn’t it. Most business problems can be fixed with more capital, technological breakthroughs, greater efficiencies, patience and time. People problems though are much trickier.

An after work drinks session erupts into an alcohol fueled shouting match between two colleagues, that doesn’t end there. The hostilities continue and now the entire work atmosphere is polluted with the bile between them. The discussion about next year’s budget allocation turns nasty, as two strong willed leaders start a very public stoush aiming for some advantage over the other. Frosty relations prevail between these two silos within the firm thereafter and everyone is involved. An innocuous remark by a colleague causes offense and now the boss has to deal with complaints about, “I can’t work with Taro anymore”.

Rather than trying to sort out the incidents, the rivalries, the perceived insults etc., wouldn’t it be better if these didn’t arise in the first place. Why do these problems emerge in the first place? When you think about it, people have not been taught any methodology to control their emotions. We had better fix that - here are 6 actions for when you get emotionally charged.

1. Get cerebral: Collect your thoughts and note your emotions. Draft a note or an email, really telling the offending party how it really is and why they are an idiot. Don’t miss anything, make sure you give it to them right between the eyes. Don’t fill in the name in the email address section when writing it and don’t send it. Writing it will get all the anger out, so you can relax now that is done.

2. Ask for input: Run the situation by someone impartial and ask for honest input. We can often fail to see the woods for the trees when we are too deep in the situation. A third party dose of reality can be helpful to improve our perspective on the issue at hand. Even if it doesn’t, just sharing the burden with others gives us some relief.

3. Get physical: No don’t punch them out, but get yourself out of there. Take a power walk or go the gym, hit the heavy bag and burn that anger off baby.

4. Reflect: Look at the situation from their point of view. Think about what you would do if you were under all the pressure they are under or you had to deal with what is facing them.

5. Sleep on it: Review your “I’m angry” notes or email in the morning. Think about all the more important tasks you have that require you at your best and most energetic. Decide if this is just a total waste of your valuable time or not? If it is, then let it go and work on some concrete projects that will positively advance your business.

6. Pick your battles.: Make a balanced, strategic judgment about whether this is worth getting emotionally charged about? Should you metaphorically duke it out with them or is it best to just take the high ground and move on?

So when things become highly volatile, don’t spontaneously combust. Pause and run through this list- like an adult!