Season 1, Episode 57: Low-Hanging Fruit: The Bezos-Musk Dangling Sack Package

The Hate Napkin

It’s time for a little THN Show & Tell! Co-host Arik’s library rescue cat Loki starts the show by displaying his anus for all to see. Great for video, not so great for radio. (Or maybe it’s the other way around.)

Speaking of furball buttholes, who do you hate more: Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos?

It’s a no-brainer for co-host Arik. If he goes with Bezos, then his recent Amazon order of K-Y Jelly will probably never show up. Also, as sound engineer Pauly from Bali so eloquently puts it: “Elon Musk is clearly the biggest douchebag—he thinks he’s a savior to the world. But he’s just an exceptional douche.”

Special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, agrees: “He thinks that the opinions of rich white guys just aren’t out there enough. Musk is like the guy who hangs metal balls from the back of his pickup truck—only he’s tattooed them on his forehead.”

Also, now that Carla is no longer the manager of the local DQ, she’s been on the job hunt, of late. And she is fed up with being asked, “What’s the one thing you don’t like about yourself?”

“NOTHING! THE WHOLE WORLD SPENDS ALL DAY TELLING WOMEN WE’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH! DAMMIT! I’M A BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL PERSON! SO F OFF! OR I’LL HANG YOUR BALLS FROM THE BACK OF MY TRUCK!”

Next! Pauly from Bali hates something, but we’re going to make you guess what it is based on Arik’s reaction: “I’ve got a forest of pubic hair that a chainsaw can’t cut through. Can I get the gig?”

Also, are some corporations hijacking the Rainbow at the expense of other important social causes? And maybe Major League Baseball should think twice about Pride BOGO Wiener Day at the ballpark.

Finally, Arik is sick and tired of every word and name being reduced to a monosyllable. “Nugs?! Just say CHICKEN NUGGETS! And it’s Jennifer Lopez—not J.LO! BTW, thank you for tuning in to THN.”

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