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Kandungan disediakan oleh Sarah Morales. Semua kandungan podcast termasuk episod, grafik dan perihalan podcast dimuat naik dan disediakan terus oleh Sarah Morales atau rakan kongsi platform podcast mereka. Jika anda percaya seseorang menggunakan karya berhak cipta anda tanpa kebenaran anda, anda boleh mengikuti proses yang digariskan di sini https://ms.player.fm/legal.
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Decisions, Decisions
54:26
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54:26Join Mandii B and Weezy WTF as they navigate the evolution of their podcasting journey in this candid and hilarious episode of “Decisions, Decisions.” Reflecting on nearly a decade of bold conversations, the duo opens up about the challenges and triumphs of rebranding their iconic show, previously known as “WHOREible Decisions.” Dive into their reasoning behind the name change, their growth as individuals, and the dynamics of creating space for nontraditional relationships and personal self-love. This episode features thought-provoking discussions on societal norms, reclaiming identity, and the complexities of managing a brand that champions inclusivity while addressing the limitations of media algorithms. From celibacy and creative reinvention to navigating life changes and unconventional lifestyles, Mandy and Weezy offer raw, unfiltered takes that will keep you engaged and inspired. Follow the hosts on social media Weezy @Weezywtf & Mandii B @Fullcourtpumps and follow the Decisions Decisions pages Instagram @_decisionsdecisions Don't forget to tag #decisionsdecisions or @ us to let us know what you think of this week's episode! Want more? Bonus episodes, merch and more Whoreible Decisions!! Become a Patron at Patreon.com/whoreibledecisions See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…
Deconstructing Gaslighting™ explicit
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Kandungan disediakan oleh Sarah Morales. Semua kandungan podcast termasuk episod, grafik dan perihalan podcast dimuat naik dan disediakan terus oleh Sarah Morales atau rakan kongsi platform podcast mereka. Jika anda percaya seseorang menggunakan karya berhak cipta anda tanpa kebenaran anda, anda boleh mengikuti proses yang digariskan di sini https://ms.player.fm/legal.
Hi friend. I’m Sarah Morales - Relationship coach and gaslighting abuse survivor turned specialist. If you’re where I was 13 years ago, then you’re looking for answers; looking for relief from things like confusion, anxiety, doubt, fear. You’re also looking for hope – ESPECIALLY the hope that comes from seeing someone who has been through the same type of hell you are going through emerge on the other side. I’m Sarah, the host of this podcast… I’m a relationship coach and gaslighting thought leader; but even more than that – I’ve been where you are, and I’m here to cultivate a place for you to begin to find those answers. It’s my mission and passion to make recognizing and understanding gaslighting easier. This podcast is the result of my life’s work over the past decade, and I can’t wait to share it with you. On Deconstructing Gaslighting, my guests and I will do two of the most important things needed to heal from the effects of gaslighting and emerge on the other side: first, we will share real-life stories so that you can see yourself in others and not feel so alone. Second, we will help you find names for the things you are experiencing and connect dots so you can find some answers. New episodes air every Tuesday, 8 am EST, available for free on any app that supports podcasts. You are invited friend. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
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78 episod
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Manage series 3297366
Kandungan disediakan oleh Sarah Morales. Semua kandungan podcast termasuk episod, grafik dan perihalan podcast dimuat naik dan disediakan terus oleh Sarah Morales atau rakan kongsi platform podcast mereka. Jika anda percaya seseorang menggunakan karya berhak cipta anda tanpa kebenaran anda, anda boleh mengikuti proses yang digariskan di sini https://ms.player.fm/legal.
Hi friend. I’m Sarah Morales - Relationship coach and gaslighting abuse survivor turned specialist. If you’re where I was 13 years ago, then you’re looking for answers; looking for relief from things like confusion, anxiety, doubt, fear. You’re also looking for hope – ESPECIALLY the hope that comes from seeing someone who has been through the same type of hell you are going through emerge on the other side. I’m Sarah, the host of this podcast… I’m a relationship coach and gaslighting thought leader; but even more than that – I’ve been where you are, and I’m here to cultivate a place for you to begin to find those answers. It’s my mission and passion to make recognizing and understanding gaslighting easier. This podcast is the result of my life’s work over the past decade, and I can’t wait to share it with you. On Deconstructing Gaslighting, my guests and I will do two of the most important things needed to heal from the effects of gaslighting and emerge on the other side: first, we will share real-life stories so that you can see yourself in others and not feel so alone. Second, we will help you find names for the things you are experiencing and connect dots so you can find some answers. New episodes air every Tuesday, 8 am EST, available for free on any app that supports podcasts. You are invited friend. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.
…
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78 episod
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 Your Deconstructing Gaslighting Podcast "Wrapped" 17:37
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17:37Since I know we all love our “wrapped” info, I thought it would be a fun way to end the year, and season two of Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I’m so glad you’re here. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, welcome! Since I’m going to be taking a break from podcasting for a hot minute, I invite you to go back to the beginning of Season 1. There is so much helpful information and a TON of validation as people share their stories of experiences of gaslighting, and I help them understand the ins and outs of how and why it was gaslighting. If you want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people recognize the patterns of gaslighting, and what’s more - heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website . There you can also find information about joining one of my groups or 1:1 coaching. Your "Wrap" Quick facts: 40 episodes January and March were the two highest listening months The episode with the highest number of downloads was “Are they a gaslighter or just an asshole?”, from the 23rd of January The podcast was downloaded in 24 countries, with the top three being the US, Denmark, and Canada 57,074 downloads all-time (Seasons 1 & 2) What’s NEXT? Taking a break to rest Taking a break to prioritize: Launching the Deconstructing Gaslighting® Academy Added more tools and new information New format – ONE course, with five parts: Part 1 – Clearing away the fog. Part 2 – Unmasking the gaslighter. Part 3 – Breaking the patterns. Part 4 – Reclaiming authentic power. Part 5 – Owning your truth New ways to go through the courses: video, audio, workbook (later in 2025) NEW, SUPER-ACCESSIBLE PRICE: $29/$39 Taking a break to re-envision the podcast. I want to go back closer to what season 1 was like – click here if you would like to be a guest. I wanted to address the fact that I’ll be gone for a hot minute, and let you know that you can work with me in a group cohort or 1:1 sessions; you can hire me to come do a workshop; you can invite me to come speak, and of course you can learn so much from my new course: Deconstructing Gaslighting: Take Your Power Back – available in video and audio no later than mid-January. Check it all out on my website or even schedule a free consultation with me. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Instagram , Facebook and TikTok . Thank you for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, You’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 Rising from the ashes, phoenix style! 44:34
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44:34Almost a year ago, on winter solstice (which is this upcoming Saturday), I wrote this in a social media post. I said: Winter Solstice marks the day with the longest amount of darkness; it marks a SHIFT - the symbolic death and rebirth of the Sun; the gradual waning of daylight hours is reversed and begins to grow again. Death & rising. Darkness reversed into Light...What other imagery does this evoke? Like many who go through betrayal trauma and find themselves rising from the hell they've been through into post-traumatic growth, I resonate DEEPLY with the imagery of the PHOENIX. The song, Phoenix by Katrina Stone, that I picked to be the theme song of my podcast for 2024, to me captures the audacious amount of power I feel to face the "fire" (GASLIGHTING, anyone? 😂). I was IN it. I "laid there awhile" and made that hell my home. I walked through it. I came out the other side. And now, when I see the smoke rising from the hell my clients are walking through, I don't choke - I smile. Because I know I'm a phoenix. And I know they are, too. 2024 has been A YEAR, y’all! So, for my last “formal” podcast episode of season two and the year of 2024, my guest and I are going to share what we’ve learned and love about rising from the ashes, phoenix style! Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, welcome! I invite you to go back to the beginning of Season 1. There is so much helpful information, and a TON of validation, as people share their stories of experiences of gaslighting, and I help them understand the ins and outs of how and why it was gaslighting. You can also check out my website for my courses on GASLIGHTING or to inquire about joining one of my groups or 1:1 coaching. My guest today is Shawna Meek of Living Stones Coaching , based in Arizona. She is the author of the book, Determined for More, based on her own 25-year marriage journey, now available on Amazon. Story Time: Sarah and Shawna talk about the "Phoenix" experiences they have had, and both the inspiration and life lessons they have learned from the story of the journey of the Phoenix. If you'd like to know more about Shawna, her book , her workshops, or coaching, please check out her website ! I wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform. I’m on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly. And now, Phoenix, by Katrina Stone……
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "You're Just Like Your Mother" - talking about generational patterns 48:49
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48:49Here we are, in the middle of all of the end of the year holidays. It’s this weird time that’s a juxtaposition of feeling all the nostalgia, and often romanticizing childhood, AND coming face to face with the jarring reality of the toxic patterns we see in our society, our religious systems, and in our family of origin. Today, my guest and I are going to talk about the different responses people have when confronted with this experience, how we can choose the cycle-breaker option, and how we can stay on that obstacle-ridden path. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking to deepen your understanding of this thing we call GASLIGHTING and learn how to recognize the patterns so that you can break the patterns , I encourage you to check out my website . I am in the process of relaunching my programs, and in the interim, I’ve already lowered the cost of my programs significantly. You can now get my signature program for just $29. My guest today is Sharon Rinearson of CORE Relationship Recovery . Story Time: Sarah and Sharon discuss what generational patterns are, how trauma is connected to it, how we can increase our awareness around places we may be unknowingly living in these patterns, and what obstacles we may want to be aware of as we are trying to become pattern-breakers! If you'd like to check out the work that Sharon and her husband, James, are doing, please visit their website, or email Gail to set up a free consultation. I wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Instagram , Facebook , and (for now) TikTok . Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "I can do hard things - but only the ones I choose!" 43:40
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43:40Many, MANY years ago I discovered this blogger whose blog was called Momastery. There were so many things that drew me to this writer. There have been a number of phrases she said that absolutely changed the way I moved through the world. And one of the things I loved about her the most was how raw and vulnerable she was with how effing hard life is. It was one such time that she said these words: “We can do hard things.” It became the rally cry of the work she does in this world. And today, we’re going to take a look at how we can know the balance that we really need to have when we use that phrase, or phrases like it. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking to deepen your understanding of this thing we call gaslighting and learn how to recognize the patterns so that you can break the patterns, I encourage you to check out my website . I am in the process of relaunching my programs, and in the interim, I’ve already lowered the cost of my programs significantly. You can now get my signature program for just $29. My guest today is Elizabeth Abbruzza of the Bellevue Trauma Recovery Center . Story Time: Sarah And Elizabeth discuss the concept of "I can do hard things" – why and how it is a concept that can serve us; the “dangers” of this mentality/using this phrase flippantly; and finally some tips/tools to help us find – and stay in – a place of balance around "pushing ourselves". You can learn more about the work The Bellview Trauma Recovery Center is doing, read their blogs , follow them on Instagram , or even get on their email list I also invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook , Instagram , and TikTok . Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 The Beauty and Power of the Yes/And 54:40
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54:40As we head into the holidays, life can get really, really tricky. Family pressure. Cultural/societal pressure. Internal pressure. Pressure to put on a smile and be happy. And this month especially – pressure to have “an attitude of gratitude”. And yet – for so, so many of us, this can not only feel fake, but actually add to our struggles. So today, I’ve invited an amazing human to come on the pod and share one of her favorite and most powerful tools we can use to find peace in the midst of the conflicts and contradictory circumstances we find ourselves in in life – and especially during this time of year. Welcome you to Deconstructing Gaslighting® the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. And if you’re new here, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. I hope that the resources I have on this podcast and website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. Check it out, or better yet – schedule a free consultation call with me ! My guest today is Natalie Claire - aka Sunshine Strategist! Story Time: Sarah and Natalie discuss what the Yes/And or Both/And is, the variety of ways we can use this mindset/tool to help us move through life with so much more peace, and a few reasons people may find themselves feeling a bit resistant to embracing the both/and. Top Take-Aways: Usually I list out the top take-aways, but this time I just felt like I couldn't do them justice. There was just so much power and rawness and beauty in the discussion to capture it here. If you'd like to talk with Natalie about hiring her as your strategist/business coach, you can do so by sending her an email addressed to: sunshinestrategicsolutions@gmail.com. You can also follow her and her adventures on her Instagram account . If you'd like to sign up for the "Take Back the Holidays" workshop, you can do so here . I also wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform where we can connect and interact… I’m on I nstagram , Facebook , and TikTok . Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 Take Back the Holidays (Special Bonus Episode) 25:15
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25:15Register for the workshop here ! The holidays bring a *special* challenge for MANY of us... 🍂Parallel parenting with a GASLIGHTING ex 🍂Toxic family gatherings where old patterns take you right back to feeling like that powerless child 🍂 Triggers and GASLIGHTING responses between intimate partners where betrayal trauma has happened If you resonate with any of these situations, and know - far too well - the anxiety, sense of powerlessness, and dread they bring, I have something for you! Nov. 16th I will be doing a special workshop where I will share the best strategies and tools I've used with my clients over the past decade to help them stay connected to themselves, and reduce (if not completely shift) the anxiety, and instead feel empowered and equipped - AND, quite possibly, a sense of peace - as they moved through their difficult holiday season. November 16th, from 11am - 1 pm CST (9-11 PST; 12-2 EST) Replay from 6 pm - 8 pm CSY (4-6 PST; 7-9 EST) $30 Register here ! *ALSO - please share so that more people can know about this amazing resource this holiday season!…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 I thought I'd get eaten by a shark! 29:19
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29:19Fear. It’s a topic I revisit often on my podcast, because it can be a confusing one, especially since fear can sometimes be a helpful emotion. For example, fearing the pain that will happen if I touch fire helps alert me to the danger of fire. While it’s an important emotion that can alert us to pay attention to what’s going on around us, it is also something that can misguide us. For example, when I was a kid, I had a BUNCH or irrational fears, and many of them centered on stories and movies that always popped up this time of year. So, what better time to revisit this topic than the month we most commonly associate with fear – October. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting, the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. In addition to the self-paced programs I have on my website designed to help you find your answers around gaslighting, I wanted to let you know about a special workshop I’m doing next month - Take Back the Holidays. Save the date: Nov. 16th. Story Time: Sarah discusses the difference between fear based on "real" vs. imagined threats; why we need to be able to sort through things to recognize the difference; complications with sorting out which type of fear we are experiencing; and of course, fear that intersects with gaslighting– fear that is connected with gaslighting: Top Take-Aways: Get clear about "the story I’m making up"... ask yourself if this a likely outcome? – if so, what options/choices do I have to change things and/or protect myself? "Head, Heart, Gut" check – Check out podcast episode: Season 2, Epi 22, May 28th – "I should’ve listened to my gut". Asking yourself: if I face this fear, is it because of an opportunity for growth? If not, ask "why am I facing it/pushing through it?"– good distinction to flesh out potential coercion Remember: "Where focus goes, energy flows" If you have determined it's not a "real threat", ask yourself one of the following questions: What would be the opposite of fear that I would rather be feeling? If I could tap into my “higher self” in this situation, how would they feel/handle this? And then borrow those things from your higher self. I'd love to have you follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Gaslighting and our children… this is such a huge, heavy, and important aspect of so many people in life that while I planned on having just one episode on the topic, I ended up having two. In the last episode, my guest and I addressed the question: Am I gaslighting my kid? In this episode, we’re going to address the questions: Did my kid just try to gaslight me? What does that mean if they did? How can I help my kid be “gaslighting resistant”? Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking for help around gaslighting issues, I encourage you to check out my website , where I have a number of self-paced programs designed to help you find your answers around gaslighting, find clarity and shift into a place of feeling more empowered. My guest today is once again Lauren Hagen. Story Time: Sarah and Laure share stories from their own lives to help you recognize when your kids may be trying to gaslight you, and when you are seeing others gaslight your kids. As they do, they share insights and tips to help you through these nuanced issues. Top Take-Aways: As Lauren said, "Slow the F down" As Sarah said, "Be mindful of the shortcuts we are tempted to take" Best tip for teaching your kids how to be gaslighting-resistant: help them know themselves and grow their voice. I wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Instagram , Facebook , and TikTok . If you’d like to get in contact with Lauren, you can reach out to her for a free consultation at Lauren@LaurenTheRN.com or call or text her at 512-739-6759. Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Gaslighting and our children… is there any place that feels more critical than this for those of us who are parents? Have you ever wondered about any of the following? Am I gaslighting my kid? Did my kid just try to gaslight me? What does that mean if they did? How can I help my kid be “gaslighting resistant”? I’ve heard every single one of these questions over the years and asked myself each and every one of them. So today, my guest and I are going to share stories and tips to help address these questions. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking for help around gaslighting issues, I encourage you to check out my website where I have a number of self-paced programs designed to help you find your answers around gaslighting, find clarity and shift into a place of feeling more empowered. My guest today is Lauren Hagen. Story Time: Sarah and Lauren talk about the ways they've gaslit their kids, and the lessons they've learned about themselves, their kids, and parenting along the way. Top take-aways: Not all people who do gaslighting behaviors are doing it for nefarious reasons. It's important to take a look at our own motives for gaslighting our kids, with compassion and WITHOUT judgement. This is how we learn how to meet our needs in parenting, while behaving in ways that are staying in alignment with the way we want to parent our children/our values. So, dear listener, my and Lauren’s conversation about this very important topic was SO good, that I’ve done something I’ve never done before, and I’ve edited this podcast into two episodes so that it’s not 70 minutes long. So please come back in two weeks , when Lauren and I talk about when our kids try to gaslight us, and when we see someone else gaslighting our kids. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m Facebook , Instagram and TikTok . If you’d like to get in contact with Lauren, you can reach out to her for a free consultation at Lauren@LaurenTheRN.com or call or text her at 512-739-6759. Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
It’s back to school season, and as such, this month my two podcast episodes are going to be focused on supporting all the parents out there. One of the most difficult places we can experience GASLIGHTING is when we are having to “parallel parent” with a GASLIGHTING ex. The stories I’ve heard throughout my career of how this has played out would break your heart. So today I’ve invited someone near and dear to my heart to help me talk about this very difficult topic and give you some ideas of how to handle this if you are one of the many who don’t get to walk away from your gaslighter like I did. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking for help around GASLIGHTING issues, I encourage you to check out my website, where I have a number of self-paced programs designed to help you find your answers around GASLIGHTING . My guest today is Lindsay - a therapist and mother to five boys. Story Time: Sarah and Lindsay talk about a variety of ways parents who have divorced their gaslighter, but still share children, experience GASLIGHTING. From "love-bombing" to undermining, they share many relatable stories and a few tips and tools to help you if you can relate. Top Take-Aways: Give yourself permission to prioritize yourself so that you can be fully present for your kiddos. Remember this important FACT: It’s NOT your job to “cover” or “protect” that gaslighting parent. Remember the goal: stay connected to what you know to be true. You don’t have to prove yourself to your ex/validate why you want the boundaries/”rules”, etc. – if they don’t agree/wont’ comply, you get to differentiate, etc. Remember this statement: "If it's important to me, then it's important". I wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 When you walk through the wrong door... 29:37
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29:37I saw a picture of a sign that read, “better to admit you walked through the wrong door than spend your life in the wrong room”. I felt that. There have been big and small ways I’ve LIVED that. We ALL have ended up walking through the wrong door a time or two in our lives. Being able to recognize when we’ve ended up in the wrong room is crucial to living in alignment with our values in a way that is authentically us, rather living in alignment with what others want of us. Today I’m going to use this context to get political. I can’t stay silent about what I’ve seen with my brain that is SO attuned to recognizing the gaslighting that happens. Not when I’m seeing such huge and harmful impact because of it. What I want to do today is speak to those of you who may be experiencing cognitive dissonance because you are beginning to realize that you walked through the wrong door. I want to help you understand how that happened. I want to help you feel seen and understood. And I want to help you find the clarity and power to get out of the wrong room. I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people recognize the patterns of gaslighting and what’s more - heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website. Story Time: Sarah deconstructs the "how" and "why" we end up walking through the wrong door; shares a concept she found in a Dr. Ramini video, shares a non-political example so we can see it in action, shares a personal example from her own life of walking through the wrong door, and then gets a bit political... all from a place of grace, yet wanting to speak out about the political abuse she's seeing, so that the USA can heal. Top Take-Aways: For those who may be in the wrong room: Give yourself grace. You were lured in because you trusted someone who used your values against you. Pay attention to when and how FEAR is guiding your decisions. When we are guided by fear, we are vulnerable to coercion. Look for the ½ truths – especially with exaggeration and distortion, and when you are noticing extreme fear. Get clear on your values and get curious around how they may be being manipulated through the aforementioned coercion. Give yourself permission to leave the room. For those who love someone that’s stuck in the wrong room: Approach them from the place of seeing them – their values, their fears, etc. Know it’s okay to have boundaries with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, walked through the wrong door - but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we get some freedom and fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Life can be really, really hard sometimes. Trauma. Betrayal. Gaslighting… fear, pain, abandonment… it can be immobilizing. It’s not surprising that these things can (and often do) lead to depression. I remember being in some pretty dark places after the discovery of my ex’s deviant sexual behaviors – especially in the early days. One thing that I learned, quickly, that had the possibility to bring me out of those depths of despair, was laughter. Cultivating experiences where we can laugh and/or feel joy is often overlooked and not truly understood. So today, I’ve invited Dr. Jessica Lamar onto the pod to talk about why these things are so important for us. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, welcome! If you are looking for help specifically around gaslighting issues, I encourage you to check out my website , where I have a number of self-paced programs designed to help you find your answers around gaslighting. My guest today is Dr. Jessica Lamar, Co-Founder and Director of Business Development and Strategy at the Bellevue Trauma Recovery Center (BTRC) in Seattle, WA. Story Time: Sarah and Jessica geek out about the science behind laughter and smiling, talk about the difference between faking it til you make it and toxic positivity, and share tips on how to nurture laughter and joy. Top Take-Aways: Start small and safe Be intentional/choose to give yourself opportunities to laugh/find joy Look out for toxic positivity by being aware of "but" vs "and" (you want to be using the "and"). If you'd like to follow Dr. Jessica Lamar and the Bellevue Trauma Recovery Center (BTRC), you can do so on Instagram where you can sign up for the email list, find resources, and learn more about their intensives. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform. I’m on Instagram , Facebook , and TikTok . Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broken and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 The Peace & Power of stepping into Sacred Self-Responsibility 52:50
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Main Kemudian
Main Kemudian
Senarai
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Disukai
52:50Along my journey of deconstructing and unpacking all the ways gaslighting had impacted me throughout my life, there’s one key lesson that, if I hadn’t learned, I don’t think I’d ever have found the ability to stay connected to my authentic self, nor live from the place of authentic power. That lesson can be summed up in these three words: sacred self-responsibility. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. If this is the first time you’re listening to the pod, this month, while summer is in full swing, I’ve ventured away from exclusively gaslighting-themed topics, and instead am bringing topics that will help you fill your toolbelt. If you are looking for help specifically around gaslighting issues, I encourage you to check out my website . Bio: My guest today is Bethany Ellen . Bethany is an award-winning mentor, best-selling author, and founder of Permission Granted. Story Time: Sarah and Bethany get into the details of what sacred self-responsibility is, and how we can learn to ride the swings of the pendulum and come back to our authentic self by leaning into our core values. Top Take-Aways: Check in with yourself, specifically regarding "Villian/Victim". Am I making myself the victim or villain, or is someone else trying to convince me that I am the victim/villain? Use the concept of the grandfather clock pendulum and be curious about the extremes of compliance & defiance. Give yourself permission to be on a journey towards sacred self-responsibility, starting with simply getting curious about what responsibility means, then moving into what do you want to be responsible for/whom to, and then moving into owning that "sacred" aspect of using self-responsibility to help you step into "wholeness". If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life and robbed you of being able to live from a place of sacred self-responsibility, check out my website . I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m Instagram , Facebook , and TikTok . If you'd like to follow Bethay, you can do so on Instagram , Facebook , and TikTok. AND, if you'd like to get any of her Masterclasses (they are SO good!), you can use the coupon code: PODCASTSarah to get 50% off ANY masterclass Bethany has in her store (live in a few weeks). And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
There are a lot of words these days that are misunderstood. “Triggered” is one such word. It’s also a very important word, as it’s one of those words that can help us both recognize what’s happening to us, as well as help us communicate to others what is happening to us. So today, my guest and I are going to help bring clarity to the things surrounding the experience of being triggered and leave you with some helpful tips on how to recognize and deal with triggers. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting®, the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. This month, while summer is in full swing, I’m venturing away from specifically GASLIGHTING -themed topics, and instead bringing up topics that will hopefully help you fill your toolbelt. If you are looking for help specifically around GASLIGHTING issues, I encourage you to check out my website . My guest today is Tammy Gustafson. Tammy is a trauma-informed Licensed Professional Counselor, coach, EMDR-certified clinician, and speaker. She is the founder of Betrayal Healing and is the host of the annual Betrayal Healing Conference. Story Time: Sarah and Tammy talk about their own journey of healing and dealing with triggers, what they've seen as some of the most common struggles around triggers, and how we can "reduce or remove" triggers as we are healing. Top Take-Aways: (5-10 min) Reverse engineer – if you can identify when you have been triggered, work backwards. Ask your who/what/where/when. Who was around you? What did they say/do or NOT say/do? Where did it happen? When did it happen? Ask: can I remove the thing that is triggering me? If not, can I minimize an aspect of it somehow – less time around a certain person/environment; boundaries around places/things; grocery shopping example. Ask: is what I’m experiencing big feelings/activated or triggered? If it’s connected to a traumatic experience and we are in fight/flight/freeze/fawn, then we need to get to safety and get grounded/brain body connection back online. If activated, get curious - identify what feeling, what needs do I have? What values are being infringed upon, etc. Try using the "How we feel" app to identify and track your feelings/triggers. If you want to connect with or follow Tammy, you can go to her website , or follow her on Instagram or Facebook . As I wrap up today, I wanted to let you know that if you want to understand more about the ways GASLIGHTING has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website . I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-GASLIGHTING has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook , Instagram , and TikTok . And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Where on your list of priorities is doing things to care for yourself? How much time and energy do you put into things that bring you joy or “fill your bucket”? How you answered these questions likely reflects your beliefs – conscious OR unconscious – about self-care. And of course we struggle to give ourselves permission to do self-care. We’ve been told that self-care is everything from “selfish” to “lazy”. Additionally, most of us, when we most need it, can’t even think of HOW to do self-care because of being in trauma-brain. So today I’ve invited Adrianna Lewis of The Heartbreak Box , who is doing amazing work in the area of self-care, to be on the pod so that we can debunk the GASLIGHTING around self-care AND learn both truths and tools to step into transformative, radical self-love through self-care. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. If you’re new here, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. I hope that the resources I have help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. Story Time: Sarah and Adrianna talk about the journey Adrianna has been on that led her to not only realize how crucial self-care is but find her passion in helping others embrace a lifestyle of self-care. Top Take-Aways: Make a pie chart of where/to whom you give your time and energy. Reflect on how much you give to yourself. Now ask yourself, how much of the pie chart do I believe reflects the values I want to live by? What would my pie chart look like if it was reflecting my values? From Adrianna - remember PIESS. These are the areas we GET to do self-care: Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Social and Spiritual. Take account of where you are lacking and try doing some self-care to fill the void. If you want to get on Adrianna's Heartbreak Box waitlist, you can do so here . You can follow her on Instagram or follow her Facebook page . As I wrap up today, I wanted to let you know that if you want to understand more about the ways GASLIGHTING has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website . I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform where we can interact… I’m mostly on Facebook and Instagram , though I do have a cache of videos on TikTok . Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "I'm still working on my masterpiece" 47:22
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47:22A few years ago, I had my founding members group for my Empowerment program. Before we began, I asked them to share the songs that helped bring them back to themselves. Some truly amazing songs came of that. One of the songs that I found that captured the journey the group was going on was Masterpiece, by Jessie J. The chorus says: I still fall on my face sometimes and I can't color inside the lines, 'cause I'm perfectly incomplete - I'm still working on my masterpiece. And I - I wanna hang with the greats, got a way to go, but it's worth the wait, no - You haven't seen the best of me, I'm still working on my masterpiece. In today’s episode, I’ve asked one of my founding members, who is kinda the poster woman for this energy, to come share what she’s been doing and HOW she’s been doing it. It’s going to be an epic show! Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. And if you’re new here, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. I hope that the resources I have on this podcast and my website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. Check it out, or better yet – schedule a free consultation call with me! Side note – that list of songs is on spotify. My guest today is no stranger to the pod, as she was in season one at least twice. She is truly a magical person. Lauren is this incredibly fierce powerhouse of a woman who is a fighter and a queen who has survived significant betrayal and gaslighting trauma along with a total loss of self-worth. Over the years she has worked tirelessly to reclaim herself, her peace, and her power. Story Time: Sarah and Lauren talk about the journey Lauren went through to get to the place of freedom and confidence that allows her to be "creating her masterpiece. Top Take-Aways: Create your own (or borrow mine) “creating my masterpiece” playlist you can listen to. Find your “movement”/body experience that helps you feel groundedn and/or empowered – like dancing, or running, etc Create a mantra, and state it in the present tense: “I am creating my masterpiece” vs “I will create my masterpiece”. If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love. I’ll have the link in the show notes. As always, I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform where we can connect and interact… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Have you ever seen that Dove “Real Beauty” sketches campaign video – the one where the women met a stranger, and after some time talking, that stranger gave their description to an FBI forensics artist. Then the women described themselves to that same artist. AND THEN, they had the big reveal of the difference between the stranger’s description and their own description. WITHOUT FAIL, the more accurate picture (and more flattering picture) was the one that came from the description of the stranger. Big forehead; small eyes; too many freckles; big nose. These women tended to focus on the things they believed were negative about themselves AND saw them as a bigger deal than they actually were. Why do we do this? AND how can we STOP doing this? In today’s episode, during this month of focusing on self-worth, I’ve asked the amazing Leslie Jordan to come back to the pod and help us understand our body image issues and the thief of self-love that comparison can be. Welcome you to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. And if you’re new here, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. I hope that the resources I have on this podcast and website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. Check it out, or better yet – schedule a free consultation call with me! Bio: My guest today is Leslie Jordan Garcia, MBA, MPH, CEDRS, CPT (she/her), a dedicated Eating Disorder Recovery and Body Liberation Coach. *In case you missed it, Leslie and I had an amazing conversation back in season 1, where we talked about the struggle of how we view our bodies – especially when it comes to the concept of being “overweight. That episode was season 1, episode 33, titled, “I was overweight by THEIR standards”. Story Time: Sarah and Leslie talk about what body liberation is, why it's such hard work, and WHY IT'S SO WORTH IT! Top Take-Aways: Follow Leslie on Instagram If you struggle with feeling self-acceptance and self-love when it comes to your body and want to experience body liberation - get on Leslie's wait list! If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website . I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform where we can connect and interact… I’m on Facebook , Instagram and TikTok . And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Do you remember what your dreams were when you were a kid… or maybe when you were a teenager. How about as you entered into your mid-twenties? Were you encouraged to dream, or told dreaming was foolish or a waste of time? And here’s the big one: were your dreams crushed by betrayal and/or gaslighting? Any number of these things can disconnect us from this thing I believe all humans have initially – the ability to dream audaciously. So today, my guest and I are going to have a chat to connect the dots of what causes this, and how we can begin to dream again – no matter the reason that was taken from you. I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and if you want to be in the know about special deals on my programs, new things I’m launching, conferences I’ll be speaking at, and lots of other helpful information and tools, sign up for my newsletter by visiting my website: deconstructinggaslighting.com My guest today is my very good friend and amazing colleague, Rae Gaelyn Emerson of healing talks back. Story Time: Sarah and Rae geek out over the intersection of dreams and values. Their discussion leads them to a variety of connecting points, with all roads leading back to how brave it is to continue to dream after betrayal/trauma. Top Take-Aways: How can we be audacious dreamers? Balance safety with audacity Play – you don’t have to take action... yet or ever. Self-talk: “I am worthy of having beautiful dreams and seeing them come true.” Self-talk: “I give myself permission to dream. It is an important part of being human.” If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website , and Rae's website . We both have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into Radical self-love. Follow me and Rae on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook , Instagram and Tiktok . Rae is on Facebook . Thank you for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in specific who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Have you seen those social media posts that go something like this – and I quote: “After all that she gave him, imagine what she’ll be able to give to the next person…” and then it says, “Not a thing, because he broke her.” I HATE that picture. That belief that somehow, because of the trauma that I or my clients have been through, we’re somehow now “damaged goods”; as if what we went through is now our identity instead of a chapter (or a few chapters) in our life. This month the theme of my podcast episodes is self-worth, and I can’t imagine a better place to start than tackling this nonsense with a lens on gaslighting. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. And if you’re new here, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. I hope that the resources I have on this podcast and website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. Check it out, or better yet – schedule a free consultation call with me! My guest today is Phoenix Gould . Story Time: Sarah and Phoenix talk about Phoenix's experience growing up with a Narcissistic mother, how that caused her to have a core of, "I'm broken", and the journey of healing. Along the way, they both discuss the common obstacles to overcoming this belief, and things both they and their clients find helpful in living from a place of wholeness. Top Take-Aways: (5-10 min) Phoenix's guided mediation: Free Radical Self-Love Practice Do Kintsugi as an embodiment experience! Find/create a mantra that connects you to what your authentic/higher/wiser self would say about you. If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website . I have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love. As always, I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform where we can connect and interact… I’m on Facebook and Instagram the most, but I do have videos on TikTok, too. You can find Phoenix on Facebook, Instagram , and Youtube . She also has a Facebook Group for Women , and a Free Coffee Chat with Phoenix ! Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful, and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in particular who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "I should've listened to my gut!" 55:38
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55:38Have you ever had that little nudge – you know, the one that tells you something isn’t right. Or the one that alerts you to some bad energy from the guy over in the produce section? And how many times did you talk yourself out of listening to that little nudge? Why do we do that? Well, today my guest and I are going to talk about the ways we do this, the reasons WHY we do this (ahem, self-gaslighting anyone?), and how we can begin to trust our gut again. All month long we’ve been talking about self-gaslighting, and y’all, I’ve saved the best for last. I fully believe you’re going to LOVE every minute of our conversation! I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website . Bio: My guest today is Alana Gordon, co-owner and founder of Choose Recovery Services . Story Time: Sarah and Alana talk about everything from the neurobiology of our "gut", to personal storied of how they didn't listen to their gut, to how they've learned to pay attention to their gut/body/feelings/intuition. Top Take-Aways: Listen to your body - slow down and pay attention to both physical and emotional sensations. The warehouse analogy: make sure you're moving things through via writing it out or talking it out. Practice listening to your gut/body to develop those "trust" neuropathways. Give words to your physical sensations. Look for where the incongruence is between your head/heart/gut/body, and ask yourself, "why" (while making sure you're safe). Ask yourself what YOU can do to bring yourself back into congruence. I wanted to let you know that if you want to understand more about the ways GASLIGHTING has shown up in your life and robbed you of being able to trust your own intuition and so much more, check out my and Alana’s websites . We both have offerings that will help you break the hold GASLIGHTING has had over you and help you step into a place of self-knowing and self-trust. I encourage you to follow me and Alana on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook and Instagram . Alana is on Instagram and TikTok . And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
As a child in the 80’s, I remember being at the skating rink and playing Limbo on skates. Yep, I was that kid. LOL The song, “Limbo rock” would start, and EVERYONE knew it was time… every limbo boy and girl all around the limbo world… la la la la la la la… limbo lower now… limbo lower now … how low can you go? And the competition would begin to see who would get the bragging rights of being the one who could go the lowest (spoiler – it was never me lol). I don’t remember how long ago it was that I’d heard enough of my clients making concessions and realizing just how low their relationship bar had been lowered, but one day it hit me – it’s like we’ve unknowingly been playing limbo in our relationships – lowering and lowering our bar in an attempt to not end the game (so to speak). So today I’m going to share just a little bit about how concessions are a HUGE part of the experience of self-gaslighting. I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website . Story Time: Sarah explains how making concessions is often where we end up after living in the land of shoulds. She gives definitions and real-life examples to show how we do this all. the. time! Top Take-Aways: Recognize that making concessions is not only self-gaslighting, it’s self-abandonment. Create a mantra for yourself that is something like, “I do not abandon myself to make others happy”. Pay attention to any time you say, “maybe I...”, or “at least they…” and ask yourself, am I making a concession here? Remind yourself that relationships are not a game of limbo. If you are basically seeing yourself in "how low can you go" mode, give yourself permission to stop and begin doing the work of shoring up your boundaries and raising your bar! I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize gaslighting in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m most active on Facebook and Instagram . Thank you for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help me get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in specific who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Do you “should all over yourself”? I remember one of the first times my wise mama said something to that effect. “I try not to should all over myself.” It wasn’t until quite a few years later that I connected the dots to that saying and self-gaslighting. Here’s the thing though, while I try to avoid using the word, “should”. It’s not ALWAYS self-gaslighting. So, when IS it self-gaslighting and when isn’t it? In today’s episode, I’m going to get into the nitty gritty of self-gaslighting and the should, and help you spot the signs of this experience. I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website. Story Time: Sarah revisits her definition of GASLIGHTING, the definition of should, and shares a funny analogy about donuts to explain the difference between when should is and is not self-gaslighting. Top Take-Aways: Try to remove the words should/shouldn’t from your vocabulary. Try this instead: "Because I value my health, I’m choosing to not get that donut, even though I want it." When you do say “should”, ask yourself where that judgement/sense of obligation is coming from, and ask yourself, "what are MY authentic thoughts/beliefs/feelings about this?" When in doubt, look to your values. For example, “I should be grateful”. Do I value gratitude? Yes. Do I give it unconditionally? No. I am not grateful for poor treatment, even if the other person expects me to be. I am not grateful for gifts with strings attached, etc. YOU DEFINE YOU and how you live out your values. I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize GASLIGHTING in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. Thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
What comes to mind for you when I say the words, “Self-Gaslighting”? For some of us, we automatically resonate, and know that we have, indeed, done this to ourselves. For others, the old definition of gaslighting we may know brings resistance, as we can’t help but hear some sort of victim blaming. In my practice, the MOST powerful transformations have happened when people have understood the way we “self-gaslight”, have broken the power those messages had over them, and rewrote the narrative. This topic of self-gaslighting is so important, I’m dedicating the whole month of May to it. I’m calling this living in the land of shoulds. In today’s episode, I’m going to explain just what self-gaslighting is, and the two main ways it happens. I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I’m so glad you’re here! If you’re new to the pod and want to know a bit more about me and the offerings I have to help people heal from the effects of chronic gaslighting, please check out my website. Story Time: Sarah talks about the main principles of self-gaslighting - giving examples of direct and indirect origins, and how (and why) those messages get internalized/become self-directed gaslighting messages. Top Take-Aways: Get curious about statements that drive you, but don’t come from a place of love and acceptance of yourself – statements like, “I’m not enough” or “I’m too much”. Ask yourself, “If I could hear what my authentic self would say to me about this belief, what would they say?” Get curious about the origins of any of these statements. Did someone say something to you directly that you internalized? Did you extrapolate meaning from your surroundings? Make a pledge to yourself to do your best to not be “self-directing” with any gaslighting statements. I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize gaslighting in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook , Instagram and TikTok . And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "His nicknames for me were Monkey and Ugly" 44:08
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44:08Did you experience gaslighting in your family of origin? While most of my clients find me to help heal from the gaslighting they’ve experienced in their intimate partnership, almost every single one eventually begins to see how the gaslighting they’ve endured goes all the way back to things that happened in their childhood. Today, I’ve brought on an old friend and colleague whose experiences in this realm will help you see the impact this type of gaslighting has on so many of us. Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. And if you’re new here, welcome. I’m so glad you’re here. I hope that the resources I have on my podcast and website help you find clarity, empowerment, and healing. My guest today is Christy Kane of Soul Work Counseling . Story Time: Sarah and Christy have a candid conversation around the GASLIGHTING Christy endured at the hands of her family of origin, and it's profound impact throughout her life. Top Take-Aways: If you're trying to decide about which route to take with your family of origin - either cutting them out of your life or trying the boundaries route: look out for the "shoulds". Like, "I should let them stay with me when they visit", etc. Give yourself permission to reassess your boundaries periodically/as needed. Remind yourself of the "broken chair analogy". If you want to understand more about the ways GASLIGHTING has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my and Chrity’s websites. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold self-GASLIGHTING has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love. I also invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook , Instagram and TikTok . And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 When the boss tells you to "Calm Down" 19:50
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19:50When you stop and do the math, what consumes most of your time? When you think about the relationships that may involve GASLIGHTING , what makes the top of your list? Was work your first or second response? If not, it might need to be. So today I’m going to talk just a little bit about GASLIGHTING in the work environment. I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and I wanted to let you know about a FREE summit that is happening right now. The 2024 Choose Connection Summit . It’s theme this year is: Strengthened by the Storm. This summit is the only one I am speaking at this year that is primarily focused on couples working on healing from the trauma of secret betrayal. If this is you, I encourage you to jump on this opportunity while it’s still FREE, and hear from not only me, but many other of the worlds’ leading experts in this field. Story Time: Sarah has fun sharing the lyrics from the song, "9 to 5" by Dolly Parton, while also sharing some things to be aware of when trying to notice GASLIGHTING in your work environments. GASLIGHTING in the workplace can be a very real, very disempowering, abusive experience. It causes confusion, depression, anxiety; it can take an intelligent, confident, super-qualified person and reduce them to a person who questions whether any decision they make it the right one or will be “good enough”. Top Take-Aways: Look for ways DARVO may show up in the work world. Remember it's not always between your boss/management & you - OFTEN it’s between coworkers. Remember to stay connected to what you know to be true. Keep a record of what was said, when, by whom. Whether you do anything with this information or not depends on a LOT of the potential fallout of your actions. The main point is to not lose yourself and take on the other people’s perceptions. This is what will help you not get stuck in toxic work environments longer than you have to. As I wrap up today, I wanted to remind you of the different offering I have on my website that help you recognize GASLIGHTING in ALL the areas of your life. Check them out or even schedule a free consultation with me to talk about what programs are the best fit for you in your situation or relationships. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook , Instagram and TikTok . And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast. I’m your host, Sarah Morales. Today’s episode may be one of the most difficult I’ve ever done, and that’s because the topic is SO TRICKY. It’s also super, super important. So, I’m going to ask that you hang with us for a bit. If it feels like a sensitive topic to you, I invite you to give my guest and I just five to ten minutes to see our hearts and hear how we unpack today’s topic. That topic is about the ways GASLIGHTING and religion intersects, and the myriad of ways that’s playing out in both our individual and corporate lives. Bio: My guest today is no stranger to the pod... Ms. Jenni Rochelle! Story Time: Sarah and Jenni start by talking about the difference between faith (a belief) and religion (a system), in the hopes of setting the stage for a safe place to ask the questions and challenge any toxicity we may see in the religious systems we find ourselves in. They share some of the most common ways people experience religious GASLIGHTING/abuse. Top Take-Aways: Look for signs of religious gaslighting: feeling a LOT of fear, shame or coercion; experiencing isolation/being told not to trust “non-believers”; inconsistency in messaging and/or inconsistency between messaging and living things out; the dogma of there being only one “right” way (values; how to be a good person, etc.) and look for incongruence in yourself – when you can’t “shake” a bad feeling in your gut/soul/body Give yourself permission to ask questions… and keep asking them and seek out answers from a variety of sources – not just ones that will reinforce what you’ve been told already by your “leaders”. Be willing/ready to sit in the cognitive dissonance that this kind of work creates – that means you’re doing the work! Trust that the process will bring you to truth. If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my website. I have offerings that will help you break the hold religious GASLIGHTING has had over you and help you step into self-trust and Radical self-love. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
This episode is going to be a tough one. Today my guest and I are going to talk about racial and cultural gaslighting. I say this is going to be a tough one, because as a white woman who, for the majority of her life, lived as a white, cis-gender, heterosexual, Christian woman, I was near the top of privilege – EVEN though I didn’t know it. And that’s kind of the point – when we are gaslit, we don’t realize we’ve taken on other people’s thoughts, beliefs, values, feelings, or perspectives as our own. So, we need to have this conversation to bring awareness to places we’ve either experienced or been an unintentional part of perpetuating the system that gaslights the Bipoc community. I want to get my message of clarity and hope around gaslighting in front of more people. If you know of a podcast or conference where my messages would benefit the listeners/attendees, will you email me here and let me know? My guest today is Tara Beall-Gomes. Check out her website here! Story Time: Sarah and Tara discuss a variety of ways gaslighting and racial discrimination intersect. It’s important to note that they are doing this as two white women who are trying to learn and be a part of the change. Their hearts are to help raise awareness on this important topic! Top Take-Aways: (For white people) Don’t be "colorblind". To see color means, I see you . Wait to be assigned allyship. We can’t just assign that label to ourselves. Get educated/training…. Get involved. Share spaces with our Bipoc people. More about the Deconstructing Gaslighting training and certification for therapists and life coaches. The aim is to create a standard of care for people who have been impacted by gaslighting experiences. If you want to heal from the effects of gaslighting, AND you already have a coach or therapist, I encourage you to advocate for yourself and tell them you’d love it if THEY could support you and guide you as you go through my programs. They can do this by going through the training. IF you are a coach or therapist, I encourage you to go check out the webpage that goes into detail about what you’ll get in the training. I’d love to interact with you! We can do that on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook , Instagram , and TikTok . If you’d like to follow Tara, she is on Facebook and Instagram . And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "It's especially hard when you've been GASLIT that long!" 37:39
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37:39Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast, and welcome to a new month, with a new theme. This month we’re going to be exploring different areas or relationships people experience gaslighting in, and we’re going to start with the one that people are typically MOST aware of – gaslighting in their intimate partnership. And I’m REALLY excited today, because I’m brining on a woman who gives representation to a demographic that is sorely under-represented – but whatever demographic you find yourself in, I’m sure you’re going to be able to relate to things she share about the gaslighting she experienced in her 43 year marriage. Thank you for being a part of this community. I’d love for you to follow me AND interact with me on your preferred social media platform where we can interact… I’m on Facebook , Instagram and TikTok . Story Time: Sarah and her guest, Pat, talk about what is was like for Pat to experience GASLIGHTING in her over 40 years of marriage! Top Take-Aways: Things that I thought could be some take-aways from my and Pat’s conversation: Notice when you’re putting all your focus on the other person, and instead focus on yourself! Ask yourself the “better question” – what is and is not okay with me in this relationship When you look at the amount of work your person is putting into the relationship and their own healing, ask yourself, is it enough for me? If/when they say they’re doing their best, remind yourself that just because it’s their best, that doesn’t mean it has to be good enough for you. Learn to be the love of your own life. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting the podcast, I’m your host, Sarah Morales, and today’s episode it going to be a bit different. On Tuesday of last week, I put the final touches on my next speaking opportunity at a summit. The theme of the summit is post-traumatic growth, and my title, "I no longer fear the storm". Irony can be a bitch, because on Wednesday – the very next day – a bomb my ex built probably 15 years ago blew up. So today I wanted to talk a bit about what it’s been like for me the past few days, and the observations I have about how allllll the work that I’ve been doing for the past 13 years is serving me – big time! Side note, if you're interested, my talk with be at the Daring Ventures Summit . Top Take-Aways: Reminder/experience solidarity - that you are NOT alone Feel inspiration or hope What can we learn from Sarah's post-traumatic growth? SUPPORT TEAM is CRUCIAL SELF-CARE is a must HEALTHY DISTRACTION, spending time in your ZONE OF COMPETENCE/GENIUS Give yourself PERMISSION TO FUNCTION AT LOWER LEVELS BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF Try giving GOOD, CLEAR COMMUNICATION - especially around things you have AWARENESS OF around your TRAUMA SYMPTOMS Find/gather INFORMATION THAT LEADS TO EMPOWERMENT I wanted to let any new listeners know about the many resources I have on my website . I also wanted to invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform, where we can connect and even interact! I’m on Facebook , Instagram , and TikTok . And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
How much did you talk about sex and human sexuality growing up? What were the messages you got about sex and sexuality religiously, culturally, or even racially? I imagine MANY of you were like me and didn’t necessarily have many direct conversations about sex and sexuality, but oh were the messages you received culturally and religious LOUD! So, today, my guest and I are going to talk about how gaslighting has impacted the way so many of us think and feel about sex and human sexuality. My hope for this episode is to raise awareness, help us step out of any shame or messages of “not enough” we may carry, and be freer to be in alignment with our authentic self when it comes to sex and our sexuality. Bio: My guest today is MJ Denis , a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Texas. She is also an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist and an APSATS-Certified Partner Trauma Specialist. Story Time: Sarah and MJ talk about the way gaslighting and sexual issues intersect. From "Purity culture" to how many times a week you have sex with your intimate partner - they cover a lot of relevant topics with both candidness and education. Top Take-Aways: Look for signs of gaslighting around sex and sexuality by specifically paying attention to confusion and self-doubt. Practice communication with your partner (when it's safe to do so). Look for cognitive dissonance (feeling like you have to choose between either self-abandonment and keeping the relationship OR staying connected to your truth and losing the relationship). If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out the programs I offer on my website . If you want to know more about ETT and the therapy MJ offers, go to her website . And here is my weekly invitation for you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook , Instagram , and TikTok . Those are the spaces where you can leave comments, and we can interact, and I would really enjoy having conversations with my podcast listeners! And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "You have to be thin, but not too thin..." 51:18
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51:18"It is literally impossible to be a woman. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow, we're always doing it wrong. "You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So, find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! (Abridged quote from "Barbie") Greta Gerwig, in an interview with The Atlantic said: "I was just sobbing, and then I looked around, and I realized everybody’s crying on the set. The men are crying too, because they have their own speech, they feel they can’t ever give, you know? And they have their twin tightrope, which is also painful." So today my guest and I are going to dive into the topic of double standards, based on our genders. If you’re new here, I wanted to let you know about the FREE webinar I have on my website. It’s a video that teaches you about the necessary foundations and a format you can follow to give you the ability to stay connected to yourself while having to communicate with your gaslighter. You can find that on my website . Story Time: Sarah and Collen have a fun, sassy, and in-depth conversation connecting GASLIGHTING with the way double standards are perpetuated. Top Take-Aways: "I give myself permission" to get curious around where my thoughts, values, feelings & perspectives are coming from when there are double standards present. Remember - you don't have to do anything immediately about what you learn/find out - just find out! Don't let YOURSELF be limited by the double standards people are trying to put on you! I wanted to invite you interact with me on your preferred social media platform… Facebook , Instagram or TikTok . And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "You don't own me... don't try to change me in anyway" 54:32
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54:32There was this popular video from the Daily Show where Desi talks about how she’s trying to understand the male experience better by acting like a man: getting paid more for no reason, interrupting people more, mansplaining, and gaslighting via invalidating the other person’s feelings and telling them to calm down & don’t act crazy. And while it is funny, it’s taking on a serious topic – misogyny. In today’s episode, I have a special guest who is doing ground-breaking work on the topic of a VERY specific type of domestic abuse. She has named this Betrayal Violence. And we’re going to dig into not only what misogyny is, but unapologetically talk about internalized misogyny. If you’re new here, I wanted to encourage you to go to my website and sign up for my newsletter – that way you can be in the know about any conferences I’m speaking at, specials I’m running, or new programs I’m releasing. And whether you’re new here or been with me since the beginning, I’m so glad you’re here. Bio: My guest today is Hope Ray, of the Betrayal Violence Institute ( website ) Story Time: Sarah and Hope discuss the difference between misogyny, chauvinism and sexism, and get curious about how misogyny and internalize misogyny show up - and, most importantly, how we can unknowingly perpetuate it. Chauvinism: the unreasonable belief in the superiority or dominance of one's own group or people, who are seen as strong and virtuous, while others are considered weak, unworthy, or inferior. Sexism: the belief that the members of one sex are less intelligent , able , skilful , etc. than the members of the other sex , especially that women are less able than men Internalized misogyny is a subconscious way of degrading yourself and other women based on sexist ideas of how women should act, dress or speak. Women who experience internalized misogyny may minimize the value of women, mistrust women, and believe gender bias in favor of men. It also causes women to shame, doubt, and undervalue themselves and others of their gender. Top Take-Aways: (5-10 min) How to respond when we are witnessing/having misogyny directed at us - “Zero tolerance” – don’t ignore, explain away, make concession. ***Don’t have to be confrontative – boundaries for yourself (remove yourself from the situation, have a safe place prepped, etc.) Know when to leave. Internalized misogyny: try to recognize if we are perpetuating these belief systems. What can we do to help change things? Get involved: advocate, lift up/support other women, join a cause, march, etc. Recognize privilege/comparison/gender roles, etc. Get curious about how you view yourself, women, your values concerning women and gender roles, etc. If you'd like to connect with us, you can follow me on Instagram , Fackebook , and TikTok . You can also follow Hope Ray on Instagram , Fackebook , and TikTok . And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, You’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
I have yet to know a human who has not made concessions in at least one of their relationships – between the gaslighting that we experience in our families, religious establishments, society, friendships, and intimate partners, it’s near impossible to not internalize things that cause us to doubt the validity of our desires and needs, and when that has happened, what is and is not okay in a relationship becomes blurry… so we settle… and so, so many of us end up lowering our bar in our relationships. In fact, I’ve had many clients sadly say their bar ended up on the ground. Today, my guest and I are going to share stories and insights from our own lives, and in doing so, hope to inspire you to Raise your bar sis! In case you missed it last week, I have got a REALLY exciting offering for you today! I am about to partner with WORTH to do a special adaptation of my empowerment program. In this class, you get LIVE teaching & LIVE Q and A time with me , and you get to do this with other women whose questions and insights will add to your own journey. Can’t make the live class? You can watch the recordings, submit your questions via an online document, and I’ll answer your question in the next class! All this for about 1/3 the cost of what it would be to do a group cohort with me. If you’re interested, please go here. Class begins March 6th. Story Time: Sarah and Annie talk about times that they made concessions and settled for less than you wanted and/or needed, and ended up lowering their bar. From exes, to new people they were dating, to friendships and jobs - what happened, WHY it happened, and how they learned how to stop self-abandoning and making concessions! Top Take-Aways: If self-love feels too big, start with self-acceptance; and if self-acceptance feels too big, start with self-awareness. Externalize your relationship with yourself, and then view that relationship like you do the people you love - are you loving yourself well - FIRST? Set mutuality/reciprocity as the place you set your bar - don't settle for less than you give. If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life and robbed you of being able to be free to be you (and make those concessions), check out my website . I have a number of offerings that will help you break the hold gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love. Also, please follow me on your preferred social media platform, and connect with me there! I’d love to hear your thoughts, questions, and feedback, and that is where we can do that! I’m on Facebook , Instagram , and Tiktok . And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
“I hate how often you are forced to define yourself by your marriage status… now I have to check the ‘divorced’ box on whatever form I’m filling out. But all they give you is a box. No place to clarify. No place to explain… only a label.” Suzanne Reeves. Only a label. Single. Married. Divorced. Or even, “It’s complicated” lol. All of us, at least at one point in our lives, was single. So, one would think it is a completely normal and valid way of living or phase of life. And yet – not only has being single been presented as being “less than”, it’s also a label that has been slapped on people and made them to feel “other”. So today my guest and I are going to talk about the mountains of gaslighting messages that intersect with being “single”. I have got a REALLY exciting offering for you today! If you have ever thought about or wanted to go through my empowerment program, but were on the fence about it, now is the time to sign up, and here’s why. Twice a year I do a special adaptation as I partner with WORTH. I take my 12-lesson program and condense it into an eight-week class for about 1/3 the cost of what it would normally be to do a group cohort with me. If you’re interested, please go to WORTH Education Series | WORTH to learn more and register. The class begins March 6th. My guest today is Heidi Monuteaux . Heidi is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC) and provides services for those who reside in Washington State, Idaho and Utah. Story Time: Reminder: gaslighting is when we end up taking on thoughts, feelings, perspectives, beliefs, and values as our own, at the hands of hidden behaviors. Overarchingly, gaslighting around our marriage status occurs the most through brainwashing/indoctrination, coercion and manipulation. Pay special attention to minimization of a single person’s fulfillment/happiness. Top Take-Aways: Give yourself permission to call out the GASLIGHT-Y things people say (they don't have to be evil). Get curious about how YOU have thought about your worthiness as a single person vs being in an intimate partnership. Define: alone, content, happy, fulfilled, etc. - for yourself! Figure out what YOU want your life to look like and define that for yourself! If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life and robbed you of being able to be free to be you, check out my and Heidi’s websites. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love. Follow me and Heidi on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook , Instagram and TikTok ; Heidi is on Facebook , Instagram and Twitter . And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, You’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Love is an interesting thing. As both a word and a concept, it can be confusing, full of pressure, unrealistic expectations, and loss – AND, there are SO many ways we experience GASLIGHTING around what love is, how we should love, WHO we should love, where we find love, etc. And today, my guest and I will dive in to talk about the impact GASLIGHTING has had on this thing we call “LOVE”. If you want to be in the know about special deals on my programs, new things I’m launching, conferences I’ll be speaking at, and lots of other helpful information and tools, sign up for my newsletter by visiting my website . Bio: My guest today is Jenni Rochelle. Jenni is the creator of Love of Your Life Coaching - she is a life coach, mentor and spiritual director for women and couples healing from relational trauma BUT still want happy, healthy and intimate relationships with themselves and others. She is the host of the Beauty After Betrayal podcast with new episodes coming in 2024! Story Time: Sarah and Jenni talk about a number of ways GASLIGHTING has impacted this thing we call love - from the notion of "love of my life" to "Twin Flames" to misogynistic undertones. Top Take-Aways: You get to define love, by getting clear on the values that you would use to describe what love does/says, etc. Use bell hook's definition of love as "guardrails"/goals: "“Love is a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect, and trust.” Protect yourself from "Love-bombing" by not falling for the message that safe love = boring. If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my and Jenni ’s websites. I encourage you to follow me and Jenni on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook , Instagram , and TikTok , and Jenni is on Instagram . And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, You’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "The old Sarah can't come to the phone right now" 46:20
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46:20The theme this month is: LOVE. This is going to be a month of unpacking a few of the top ways I see the topic of “LOVE” and Gaslighting intersecting. AND we’re going to start it off with an amazing colleague that put up a post on social media that read, “embracing your authentic self without fear of rejection can be accomplished when you stop rejecting yourself first.” Can you relate to that statement at all? I messaged her immediately and said, “This! This is what I want to talk about on the pod!”. If you want to be in the know about special deals on my programs, new things I’m launching, conferences I’ll be speaking at, and lots of other helpful information and tools, sign up for my newsletter here. Bio: My guest today is Amie Woolsey. Amie Woolsey is a certified betrayal trauma life coach and Brainspotting Practitioner. She has helped hundreds of people reclaim their lives after abuse, betrayal & or divorce, using her extensive experience and holistic approach to healing the heart, mind, and body. There are multiple resources available created by Amie, alongside opportunities for both group and private coaching. Amie is the co-host of The Choose to BE Podcast, creator and host of The Empowered Divorce Podcast, is affiliated with Safe Space, and creator of her signature program, Believing In You, Divorce 101 and Intimacy Within. Story Time: Sarah and Amie have a candid conversation about a variety of ways external gaslighting led to internalizing those messages, which resulted in a variety of ways they rejected themselves... AND about a few key things that helped them in their journey BACK to themselves. Top Take-Aways: There were a number of take-aways throughout the episode, but here I'll list the three pillars Amie mentioned as her pillars of coaching. They are: Awareness, Acceptance, and Agency. Awareness = getting curious when we are "spinning" and feeling uncertain; Acceptance = the release of self-judgement; Agency = when we accept we gain clarity, and are able to move into changing any behaviors we want to. If you want to understand more about the ways gaslighting has shown up in your life, and robbed you of knowing yourself, loving yourself, and trusting yourself, check out my and Amie’s websites. We both have offerings that will help you break the hold self-gaslighting has had over you and help you step into that Radical self-love. I encourage you to follow me and Amie on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Amie is also on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, You’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "You're damn right I'm controlling!" 23:32
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23:32This is a story about control, my control. Control of what I say, control of what I do. And this time I'm gonna do it my way. For those of you too young to recognize those opening phrases, that’s from Janet Jackson’s song, “Control”. Not only is being called “controlling”, or some version of that sentiment, one of the most used gaslighting phrases I’ve heard, most people who experience chronic gaslighting have very LITTLE control. In today’s episode, I’m going to unpack how the way I work with gaslighting helps my clients move into an energy of, “you’re damn right I’m controlling”. If you missed it, you have one more day to get 50% off my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video course by using the code: Season2Pod. The code expires February 1st. T his week, I wanted to talk about how the focus I have around gaslighting enables us to step into a much more empowered place when we are dealing with someone who is doing gaslighting behaviors, or if we’ve left that relationship, how we can take back what we lost. The scale of progression of effects: Confusion to self-doubt to internal conflict (cognitive dissonance) to being overwhelmed/worn out to giving in/discard reality to loss of self. Loss of self = knowing self (values, wants, needs), trusting self (boundaries), loving self, and connection to self (personality) Other definitions = main focus is intent and behaviors of the gaslighter. The gaslightee is secondary. My definition = focus is EQUAL. Old definition = things we can’t be certain of (intent and level of awareness of another person). My definition = focus on thigs WE can know (behaviors and impact on us). Car analogy – One scenario, two experiences. One where the person is gaslit and has no control; the other is an example of being in control. Control of ourselves, our safety, our awareness, and of what we do and do not allow in our relationships. Top Take-Aways: "The more gaslighting I experience, the more I lose connection with myself. I am NOT alone in this. I do not need to feel ANY shame for this. While it’s important to recognize gaslighting when it’s happening, the MORE important thing to be aware of is ME – what I need for my safety; what I am thinking/feeling/needing/wanting; what I am and am NOT okay with in any relationship. "When it comes to my well-being, you’re damn right I’m controlling – it’s my sacred self-responsibility!" Don't forget about my DG Conversations webinar . Here I take you through my R2C2 process, which is Resolve, Connect, Release, and Confidence. If you resonated with a lot of what I spoke about today, then this is for you – and it’s FREE. I invite you to follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook , Instagram and TikTok . And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 Are they a gaslighter, or just an a$$hole? 20:02
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20:02Do you ever wonder if the behavior another person is doing is a gaslighting behavior or something else? Many of the old definitions of gaslighting are vague, and as a result, have generated a lot of confusion and mis-labeling. Sometimes, people ARE doing gaslighting behaviors. Sometimes, they’re just being an asshole. In this episode, I’ll give you some beginning tips to help you sort out what is what. If you missed it last week, I’m running a special until January 31, where you can get 50% off my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video course by using the code: Season2Pod. Last week I talked about my new definition, and how it helps us see that gaslighting CAN be gaslighting BOTH when someone is intentionally doing it AND when they don’t realize they’re doing it. This week let’s talk about what it takes for something to be gaslighting vs the person is just straight-up being an asshole. My definition = behavior & experience Behavior has to be covert = hidden The gaslighter doesn’t have to be aware that what they are doing is a covert behavior - it can be a learned behavior, a defense mechanism to shame or fear, as well as a number of other things. Experience has to be CONVINCED or take on the gaslighter's perceptions/beliefs/thoughts/feelings – as your own Two ways something that is NOT gaslighting, but is mistaken for it: The intended victim doesn’t bend; they don’t take on what the gaslighting person is trying to convince them of The behavior the “offender” is doing, while maybe mean/cruel/abusive, it NOT covert. Top Take-Aways: (5-10 min) So much of what happens with gaslighting results in confusion and self-doubt. I propose a top take-away is that the more you know and understand about gaslighting, the less likely you are to get sucked into gaslighting experiences. Reflecting on the second example I gave, and how the woman did NOT bend, I suggest using this question when you are confused or feeling that self-doubt: "Whether or not I’m 100% correct in my thoughts/beliefs/perspective, how would a loving, caring, thoughtful (partner, friend, parent) respond?" A mantra for self-validation and grounding yourself in truth: “Whether my person is gaslighting me or just being an asshole, this behavior is not okay. I deserve to be loved well.” If you want to understand more about the things I’ve been talking about in my podcast this month, go purchase my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video series . It’s just $22.50 US, and you can get immediate access from my website. AND, through the month of January, you can get it at 50% off! Use promo code Season2Pod. Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , or Tiktok . Remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, You’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 That time I got BLACKLISTED for my GASLIGHTING views 18:14
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18:14A little over three months ago, a colleague sent me a link to a post where the author said, “Gaslighting is intentionally psychologically manipulating someone else into questioning their own sanity and/or reality. It is impossible for victims to gaslight themselves.” I deliberated as to whether or not I should jump into the conversation. I did. And I ended up being blacklisted. In today’s episode, I’ll share some of the misconceptions about gaslighting that fueled this poster’s views, and why my views are shaking up the gaslighting world (I think, for the best!). I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and to go along with this month’s theme of “New”, and understanding the new ways my views of gaslighting can impact your life or the life of someone that you love, I’m running a special for the rest of January. From now until January 31, get 50% off my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video course by using the code: Season2Pod . Let’s break this down: Old definition of GASLIGHTING = level of awareness & motive + vague behavior = small picture of effect/impact. THIS IS A LIMITING DEFINTION Lundy Bancroft, the author of “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men,” said, “Abusive behavior and an abusive mindset are two different things. The former is a choice, while the latter is a deeply ingrained belief system.” 1 New definition/my definition = type of behavior (covert) = clear description of effect/impact This definition is expansive; allows for MORE people to find understanding, validation, etc. People don’t want to let go = somehow invalidating their trauma and/or abuse. When people gaslight = harm, regardless of level of awareness/intention, etc. Top Take-Aways: What comes up as I talked about my new definition, and the fact that a gaslighter does NOT have to be intentionally trying to break/control you? Dig a little deeper – what is behind those thoughts/feelings? For example, if you’re feeling resistant, and thinking they have to be aware/doing it intentionally, ask yourself, “Why does that matter? What would be different if they weren’t aware? Would that change how you have to respond? Would that mean you’d have to have different boundaries, etc.? Consider what you know about gaslighting, and what you NEED to know, in order to get clarity about your relationships. A mantra for self-validation: No matter the level of awareness or intention, it doesn’t change that I don’t accept gaslighting behaviors in my relationships. If you want to understand more about the different reasons people do gaslighting behaviors and the different levels of awareness, sign up for my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video series. Through the month of January, you can get it at 50% off! Use promo code Season2Pod. Follow me on your preferred social media platform… I’m on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. Thank you, and remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, You’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 Think gaslighters can't change? Jeremy did! 29:06
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29:06Welcome back to DG the podcast, and welcome TO season 2! I’m super excited to bring a different flavor to the way I talk about gaslighting and its connection to so many different aspects of our lives! The theme this month is: NEW – as in new ways to understand and talk about GASLIGHTING! And today, we’re starting off with a HUGE bang as I interview one of the men in recovery that I have been working with for the past five years! Think people who gaslight can’t change – this interview will help you see that MANY (though definitely not ALL) can! I’m Sarah Morales, the host of this podcast, and if you want to be in the know about special deals on my programs, new things I’m launching, conferences I’ll be speaking at, and lots of other helpful information and tools, sign up for my newsletter by visiting my website here . The guest today is Jeremy, a man in recovery, and has been sober for 10 years! Story Time: Sarah and Jeremy talk about things that were at the root of Jeremy’s gaslighting, things that helped him understand what he was doing and the impact, and some word of encouragement for both the gaslighter and gaslightee! Top Take-Aways: Getting out of all or nothing/black and white thinking about gaslighters. People have options about their relationships with people who do gaslighting behaviors. There is hope that some (not all) gaslighters can heal and change. Action Steps: Education about gaslighting & holding boundaries. As I wrap up today, I wanted to let you know that if you want to understand more about the different reasons people may do gaslighting behaviors as well as the different levels of awareness, I go into great detail in my Deconstructing Gaslighting Awareness video series . It’s just $22.50 US. I encourage you to follow me on your preferred social media platform: Facebook , Instagram , or TikTok . And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly.…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Welcome back to Deconstructing Gaslighting, the podcast – SEASON TWO! In season 2, I’m going to change things up a bit – who I am, how I’m showing up in the world, and what I want to give to the world – has evolved – In large part due to the things I’ve been doing over the past year. And I think you’ll notice right away with the change in the theme song – titled, “Phoenix”! Let me read a few of the lyrics: 'Cuz I crashed and burned, and broke and hurt, and laid there for a while But now I don’t choke When I see smoke It only makes me smile You’ll find me in the furnace; You’ll find me in the flames 'Cuz baby I’m a phoenix - And I’m rising again You’ll find me in the darkness - Breaking my chains Cuz baby I’m a phoenix - And I’m rising again More than ever before, I’ve stepped into my power this past year, and I’m ready to step into the fire with you and help you rise again with the messages I’m bringing in 2024. Here’s what DG the podcast, season 2, is going to bring to you: each month, I’m going to highlight a different topic, and how that topic intersects with GASLIGHITNG. For example, January is all about the NEW/different ways we need to be talking about and understanding gaslighting. February is going to be about LOVE & GASLIGHITNG. September is going to be about PARENTING & GASLIGHITNG. Sometimes I’ll have guests, sometimes it will just be me flying solo. Whatever the case is, I’m excited to bring new information, tools, laughter, and sass. And remember – you may have crashed and burned; been broke and hurt, but damn it, you’re a phoenix and you’re rising again. I think it’s time we fly. And now, Phoenix, by Katrina Stone……
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 Is there more truth here than what I've been told? 55:19
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55:19Welcome to Deconstructing Gaslighting, where today, Sarah and her guest have an important conversation around systemic/collective gaslighting. THIS can be one of the hardest places to undo the effects of gaslighting. Join Sarah and her AMAZING guest as they laugh, share personal stories, geek out, and give some super-helpful tips to break free and effect change – personally AND systemically. Come follow Sarah on TikTok . She’s putting out some fun, but also very informative content, and believes it can only add to the things we’re learning together! Word of the day: In their conversation, Sarah’s guest today identifies four A’s to help us. Two of them are amends and atone. It’s important to describe the difference – both as something we must do, AND as something we get to require from those who have gaslit us and/or broken trust with us. According to wikidiff.com, As verbs, the difference between amend and atone is that amend is to make better while atone is to make reparation, compensation, or amends, for an offence or a crime or a sin one has committed. Make BETTER AND REPAIR. That make better part – that’s called raising the bar, siss, and the both/and here is that we get to ask for it as much as we do it. The guest today is Bella J Rockman. Bella is a social scientist, neuropsychotherapist, and mental health media correspondent. Check out her JRock Therapy Academy and follow her on Instagram today! Story Time: Listen in as Sarah and Bella cover multiple facets as they have a candid conversation on the topics of collective/systemic gaslighting – where they’ve seen it, experienced it, and what we can do to change it! Set Your Alarm: Bella shared “The Four A’s” “right off the divine dome”. When, how, where, how many of these do you need to step in to? Acknowledge Amend Atone Action Sarah stated, “We must ask, Is there more truth here than what I’ve been told?” And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 I've got more questions than answers! 21:32
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21:32Does the way the word gaslighting is used make it difficult to know, FOR SURE, what is and isn’t gaslighting? The more it becomes a buzz-word, the more Sarah sees people left with more questions than answers when it comes to understanding gaslighting. We struggle to name the specifics of what we’re experiencing, continue to feel disempowered by focusing our power in the wrong places, are anxious due to the uncertainty of it all, and are OFTEN stuck in internal conflict. Sound familiar? Well today, Sarah lets you know how you can change that! Today Sarah highlights her 12-week Empowerment course because she knows many people are like her and get overwhelmed by lots of copy they have to read through. Word of the day: KNOWLEDGE! Britanica.com defines knowledge as: information, understanding, or skill that you get from experience or education. In the almost 10 years Sarah's been studying gaslighting, she's come to see how nuanced it is. The main point of gaslighting is the gaslightee losing connection with what they know to be true. So, HOW does a person who has LOST connection with trust in themselves stand their ground when they’re trying to decide if someone is gaslighting them? THAT is exactly WHY Sarah created her 12-week course. She has deconstructed all the moving parts of a gaslighting experience and broken them down into things YOU can understand, so that you can become SKILLFUL in knowing what is and isn’t gaslighting. Story Time: Sarah shares how her journey + passion = your journey - made easier. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah calls her 12-week course the Empowerment Sessions. It’s a 12-week immersive experience designed to offer people a space to sit with the information they learn and anchor it DEEP! These are the topics we cover in the course: Week 1 : The Journey Begins Week 2: The Methods Week 3: The Techniques Week 4: The Tactics Week 5: The Roles Week 6: Why We're Vulnerable: Week 7: Gaslighting Risks and Traps Week 8: Deconstructing Gaslighting Week 9: Relationship Healing: Week 10: Why We Stay Week 11: Embracing Awakening Week 12: Celebration Set Your Alarm: Sign up for one of the course options below! Course only – 50% off (Enter coupon code: BlackFriday221) Course plus Designated Share Time – buy one get one free Course plus 1:1 sessions – free intensive to kick-start your journey (3 hours) While there’s no cap on the course only option, the DST and 1:1 do have limited spaces. These deals are live now and will close at midnight on Monday, Nov. 28th. If you want to make sure you secure your spot, sign up for the option you want here today! And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Do you sometimes (or often) struggle to know when to stand your ground and when to compromise or hold space for the other person’s unhealthy, immature, or unpredictable behavior? THIS IS A COMMON STRUGGLE – one that can very quickly take us out of our knowing. Join Sarah and her guest as they talk about how she is currently experiencing this, and some things she can do to help her STAY IN HER KNOWING! Sarah wanted to invite you to come follow her on TikTok. She’s putting out some fun, but also very informative content, and believes it will only add to the things we’re learning together! Find her here . Word of the day: Should - according to Oxford Languages, should is a word used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions. This is one of the biggest red flags Sarah teaches her clients to pay attention to – whether it’s coming from someone else or ourselves. Should is a word that shifts our perspective EXTERNALLY, and the truth is something we find when our perspective STARTS INTERNALLY. Red flags are not automatic confirmation that gaslighting is happening – it’s a warning to slow down and get curious so that we’re not vulnerable to gaslighting. Let’s see how this is playing out in Sarah’s guest’s life right now. Story Time: Sarah and her guest, Beth, run the gamut and talk about a variety of things – focusing on the difficulty Beth has had standing her ground dealing with a beloved Aunt who is gaslighting, in large part, because of her dementia. They discuss some ways she can stay in a place where she can love both her Aunt AND herself at the same time. Set Your Alarm: A few highlights from today’s conversation: Pause and say to yourself, as often as you can, “Let me check in with myself”. Tap into your playwright and script out how a conversation with your gaslighter may go. Be ready for the bait, and response in a way that you don’t get sucked in and don’t “take the bait”. Sarah wanted to invite YOU to be a guest on the podcast. If you’d like to share your story, get her brain on what you’ve experienced, and have her help you to be able to understand more clearly what has been happening in your relationship, please don’t hesitate to reach out to her and get on her calendar here ! And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Are you in a situation where your main gaslighter is an ex that you share custody of your kids with? Do you, like Sarah’s guest today, struggle with co-parenting with someone who is actively still trying to gaslight you and/or your kids? Join Sarah as she has as “on-the-fly” semi-coaching session and help her guest receive some validation, support, and a few tips. Sarah shares about an epiphany she had a few weeks ago regarding her 12-week course – If you were to start the course the week of Oct 24th, you will get to a strategic part of the course JUST IN TIME for the holidays! You will have a whole new set of information to take into those often difficult family situations; you will have sooo many ways to be able to tell when gaslighting attempts are happening, and therefore, you will have so much more power to not engage in them! Also, you will have fresh eyes on things that will give you very powerful insight to carry into the remainder of the program. Read more about that here . Word of the day: The word of the day today is EXPECT. Oxford Languages defines expect as: regard (someone) as likely to do or be something. At first glance, you might not think that expect or expectations would be a word connected to gaslighting, but it certainly is! One way in when we realistically/fairly SHOULD be able to expect another person, because of their role, to do or be something (like a mature, contributing co-parent), and the other person uses a variety of of gaslighting tactics to convince us that our expectations are Unrealistic. Sarah and her guest have a fantastic conversation around this experience. The guest today is Sally. Story Time: Sarah and Sally talk about the struggles Sally faces as she learns how to co-parent with an ex who continues to gaslight both her and her children. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah deconstructed things as she and Sally talked “on the fly”. Set Your Alarm: Since Sarah did things on the fly today, she wanted to remind you of some of the things she said to Sally that can help you set your alarm, too: Pay attention to undermining behavior by your co-parent – ESPECIALLY love bombing that ignores boundaries you have requested and/or agreed upon. Try to not gaslight your kids as you are trying to reassure them – you’re not responsible for painting your ex in a “good light”. Validate your child’s experience while with the other parent – get curious with them and help them process – especially that this is not about them/it’s not their fault. Sarah is inviting YOU to come have a conversation with her like she did today with Sally. You can be anonymous and safe, while feeling the power of sharing your story and helping others who are going through something similar to you. You can begin that process today by going to HERE ! Thank you for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful and want to help get it in the hands of more people who could benefit from it, please leave a review and subscribe. Additionally, if you can think of one person in specific who could benefit, please share it with them. And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "She was also my next door neighbor..." 52:22
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52:22Most of us have some sort of understanding of what trauma is. And also, far too many of us understand betrayal… but did you know that there is this whole thing called betrayal trauma? For those who have experienced it, finding those two words together is a game changer. In today’s episode, Sarah and her guest will discuss how gaslighting is pretty much ALWAYS a part of the betrayal trauma experience. Sarah is on mission to create a community – partially here, through this podcast, but also through a private, on-line community where there will be both a written forum AND live Q and A sessions with her. It’s called Deconstructing Gaslighting Seekers Community, and she’d love for you to join. Check out the details here . Word of the day: Many people who have experienced betrayal in their intimate partnership don’t find the answers they need to understand what they’re feeling until they discover these two words: Betrayal Trauma. If someone close to you has ever broken your trust, you’ve likely felt the sting of betrayal. This pain can leave deep wounds. Now while any type of betrayal can cause emotional distress, betrayal trauma happens when someone you depend on to respect your needs and generally help safeguard your well-being violates the trust you’ve placed in them. This type of betrayal can cause lasting trauma. ALMOST ALWAYS, you will find gaslighting to be a main component of how the betrayal occurred. Storytime: Sarah and Kenna discuss the dual-betrayal Kenna experienced when her then husband had an affair with, and then left her for, her next-door neighbor and best friend. Deconstruction Zone: The main point today has to do with the tactic of inconsistency. Inconsistency has numerous “flavors”, or ways it can be experienced. It often depends on what other tactics it’s overlapping with… Kenna shared a variety of examples where her first husband would say something that was a criticism/put down, and then somehow twist it into it being how they were being helpful to her. This is an example of inconsistency overlapping with double-speak. This combo creates mind-games that can really undermine us. There’s a huge difference between someone who has our back/loves us/cares about us and is what we call an “intimae ally”. Set Your Alarm: The double-speak/inconsistency duo is not even remotely about looking out for the other person – even IF the person says it is. When we are trying to “help” another person, there really shouldn’t be ANY put-downs involved. So, if you are experiencing this gaslighting tactic combo, I encourage you to slow down and give yourself permission to ask yourself a few questions: Where did the put-down happen? How did this put-down make you feel? Do you think there is ANY validity to the point? If so, then how would a loving ally bring the issue up to you? If not, then do I feel safe having a conversation with this person around how you do not see yourself this way, and to stop using put-downs to communicate their points. If it’s not safe to have that type of conversation, then try to work on boundaries/limits with this person. As always, if you would like to share your story on Sarah’s podcast, She’d love to have you! Just click here ! And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "The Scarlett Letter - at what point do I take it off?" 1:05:27
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1:05:27Have you ever wondered what it’s like to have a coaching session? Or to get a gaslighting specialist take the situation you’re dealing with, unpack it for you in the moment, and help you identify that elusive, “Why does this keep happening?” or “Why can’t I seem to break the hold this has on me?” Today Sarah has a brave soul who volunteered to share her story in a little bit of a different format… that is, Sarah basically does a coaching session with her, and you, dear listeners, get to listen in. Word of the day: Today’s word of the day is DISTORTION . To distort something is to change it from its original, natural, or intended meaning, condition, or shape, especially in a negative way. Distortion is a MAJOR tactic of gaslighting - typically a powerful one because things start out “true”, but when the distortion kicks in, we are thrown off… the ½ truths confuse and open the door for self-doubt to creep in. Distorting statements that are especially potent usually distort the facts in such a way that it plays on our values. Rachel’s story is the perfect example... Storytime: Sarah and Rachel go through the circumstances that led to Rachel assimilating her gaslighter’s point a view; a view that led her to pretty much hate herself and beat herself up on the daily; a view steeped in shame. They discuss the way Rachel was betrayed, was the betrayer, and then the betrayed again – and while SHE did everything she could to make amends and repair the relationship, her gaslighter has held it over her head, while continuing to betray her, then using her betrayal to justify any and every hurtful thing he does. Mini Deconstruction Zone: Main mind-fuck tactics: Inconsistency – his particular flavor of inconsistency is to change the rules based on who’s playing! He’s like a referee who calls more penalties on the team he’s not rooting for, and pretends like he doesn’t see flagrant fouls on “his” team. Highlighting “flaws” – exaggeration of faults, projection, and cutting remarks Ignoring reality Changing reality – twisting statements/facts; minimizing his behaviors, and DISTORTION Set Your Alarm: Sarah wraps up our time together with two tools… if we were in a “proper” coaching session, Sarah would likely give you these two things as “homework”: 1) Sort out distortion from truth – draw/print up a table with four columns: What happened/what was said – what would someone be able to record on their phone video? What are your thoughts and feelings about what happened/what was said? WHAT DO YOU KNOW TO BE TRUE? Make sure you’re coming from your p.o.v., not your gaslighter’s p.o.v. – give yourself time to sink into your knowing – if too foggy (gaslighting side effect) – bring it to your therapist, coach, or support group (like my Deconstructing Gaslighting Seekers group ). You’ll get there. What do you need to do, based on what you know to be true? 2) Mantra: I define me! (Main focus for today is you get to define your values) So, dear listener, if you would like to share your story on my podcast, I’d love to have you! Go here and click on the “contact” tab. And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! And now I leave you with the anthem of this podcast: Not Today……
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Does trying to name what IS and ISN’T gaslighting feel difficult and confusing? When you read the various definitions, and then try to apply it to your situation, do you feel lost or unsure of how to relate it back to your experience? In today’s episode, Sarah shares her definition of gaslighting, and points out a few key things that will help you have a better grasp on what gaslighting is, and when it’s happening. At the time of this recording, Sarah just launched her new workshop. If you are searching for more information like what she shares today, her FREE workshop has this information and more – AND, it’s accessible immediately via her three, pre-recorded videos. Go here and click on the E1 Workshop tab to gain access. Word of the day: GASLIGHTING! Sarah explains why and how she came to her definition: when a person (or group of people), through covert behaviors, convinces another person that what they perceive, believe, think, or feel, is inaccurate or invalid. Deconstruction Zone: Main points Gaslighting is both a behavior that someone does and an experience that someone has. The behavior MUST be covert - that would include things like lying, manipulation, etc.), AND the experience that someone has must end up in them being convinced to discard their thoughts/feelings/beliefs/perceptions about something, and take on the other person’s thoughts/feelings/beliefs/perceptions as their own. Sarah shares an illustration about a client that has blond hair to demonstrate this principle, and the difference between a gaslighting experience and a gaslighting ATTEMPT. When gaslighting is happening, there is no room for more than ONE perspective/thought/belief/feeling. The person who is doing the gaslighting behavior can’t or won’t hold space for any other perspective than theirs being the “right” one, and they will use COVERT means to get those in relationship with them to take on their perspective as their own. Sarah illustrates this point, too, through a discussion about the weather over a zoom call. Sarah shared two common experiences that are mislabeled as gaslighting: Someone disagreeing with you or trying to convince you of something. If there’s no covert behaviors – if there’s no manipulation, coercion, brainwashing, etc., then this is NOT gaslighting. So, to sum up, gaslighting is a when you add COVERT behaviors PLUS a person being convinced by those covert behaviors, to discard their truth and take on whatever the gaslighter is telling them to take on. Again – want to know more? Check out Sarah’s workshop … want to MASTER this information? Check out Sarah’s 12-week program ! Let’s see how we can turn this into some tools as we set our alarm… Set Your Alarm: W ondering if what you are experiencing is gaslighting – firstly, focus on where you have power – yourself. Do you feel like you are losing connection to your knowing? Are you doubting the validity of your thoughts/feelings/beliefs/perceptions? Can you see where you’ve been convinced to change the way you think/feel/believe or perceive something? Secondly, can you identify any covert behaviors (this is the trickier part – and again, why Sarah has her 12 week program )? Can you spot manipulation, lies or coercion (to name just a few)? Want to be a guest on Sarah’s podcast? Contact her here . And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 I'm not afraid, I was born for this! 58:36
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58:36In Sarah’s first full episode, she shared with y’all the story of her journey to healing and becoming a gaslighting specialist. Today, she wanted to share the story of her transformation; of stepping fully into her power and magic as she invites you to join her new community. Click HERE to read more about the Deconstructing Gaslighting™ Seekers Community! Today’s guests are Annie and Lauren, whom you met in Sarah’s first two, full length episodes. These two amazing women were a part of her founding members program, and when Sarah first knew it was time to rebrand and relaunch some of her offerings, she KNEW these two magical humans needed to be a part of the party that would usher this new thing in. Word of the day: Transformation is defined as a complete change in the appearance or character of something or someone, especially so that that thing or person is improved. Now, what most listeners will relate to is the transformation that is birthed from brokenness. Sarah read a quote from Glennon Doyle in 2016 from her Momastery blog: “You can be shattered and then you can put yourself back together piece by piece… but what can happen over time is this: You wake up one day and realize that you have put yourself back together completely differently”. Story Time: Sarah, Lauren and Annie discuss the ins and outs of the things Sarah needed to work through to truly transform and step fully into alignment with her authentic self, power and magic! Deconstruction Zone: Come back next week for your regularly scheduled programming. 😉 Set Your Alarm: About a year ago, Sarah launched her Deconstructing Gaslighting 12-week coaching program and invited five women to be her Founding Members. There was a beautiful, symbiotic experience that happened: seeing and experiencing the way the program that she had worked SO HARD on was absolutely transforming these women’s lives, she transformed, too. These women allowed Sarah to see just how much power and magic she had, and they inspired her to continue to evolve in the work that she does. It’s why she now knows that she is meant to coach people into places of clarity, confidence, being empowered, awake, and free – AND, she’s meant to blow shit up! Like with this podcast – she was born to bring awareness and freedom to people. And so now, Sarah invites you to check out my her community that will be a place you can ask your questions and get answers from her – both in writing, AND in bi-weekly, LIVE Q and A’s with her. Sarah would LOVE to take this community into something more interactive and connected! Want to be a guest on podcast? Submit your request here . Remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! And today, more than ever, our anthem……
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 Let the girl have her bowl! 1:06:24
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1:06:24Do you ever feel like there’s an imbalance in your relationship… like you’re not able (or allowed) to show up in the way you want to? In today’s episode, Sarah deconstruct how the Mr. or Mrs. Perfect role can gaslight you into settling for less than you deserve. At the time of this recording, Sarah’s about to launch a new format for her workshop that is going to make it so much more accessible! Check it out at here website: here ! The guest today is Renee. Word of the day: Mutuality is defined as “having the same relationship to each other; directed and received by each toward the other; reciprocal”. When it comes to gaslighting, the LACK of mutuality is what we look for, and, almost always, how it is combined with the gaslighter being the victim/you being the one at fault for any lack of mutuality. Renee’s story is a great example of how this presents itself in an intimate partnership… Story Time: Sarah and Renee discuss the conflicting messages that caused so much confusion, especially surrounding Renee’s partner NOT treating her as a partner: Deconstruction Zone: Today Sarah highlighted one of the roles she teaches about – “Mr/Mrs. Perfect”. Renee’s story highlights almost every checkmark Sarah teaches about this persona. Mr./Mrs. Perfect can be hard to spot, but here are the ways Sarah connected Renee’s ex to this role: He used “love-bombing” (apartment; wouldn’t “allow” Renee to help; told her to focus on herself) to appear as if all he wanted to do was support her. He exhibited the “soft-spoken yet passive aggressive” behavior – 1) Using DARVO to make it seem like he was always the victim – she was suffocating him. 2) Whenever Renee would object to something, confront him on something, or ask for something he didn’t want to do/give he would respond with: he was the one who had doubts about the relationship or he would “punish” by withdrawing/silent treatment. He used what we call “therapy talk” to confuse Renee: 1) Had no responsibility in her happiness – she had to work on that for herself. 2) They had “childhood patterns” that they had to break (that’s why they had to break up). He seemed to jump between Mr. Perfect and The Bully, with his controlling, withholding, guilt tripping superior attitude – but he did it in a way that always painted him either as the Victim or in a good light (by using DARVO to put the blame on Renee). When you have this combo – especially when they are very successful and/or well liked in the community, it creates a deep sense of confusion: why does it seem like I am the only one experiencing them this way? “There must be something wrong with me” is what we often end up thinking, and then believing. Set your Alarm : When it comes to identifying Mr./Mrs. Perfect, the quickest way to unmask them is to set your alarm to the tune of “Mutuality”, because there almost never is any. Oh sure, they’ll do lots of things that appear to be good, but when you take stock, it’s typically only the “good” things they want to do. Friends – mutuality is a WHOLE THING. You are not asking for, nor expecting too much when you desire it – you get to require it of the people you are in relationship with. Want to be a guest on podcast or have a question for Sarah? Submit your request here . Remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 I was in the “Green Beret Christian Training Program” 55:45
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55:45Have you ever felt in your relationship like you go from, “I can do no wrong” to “I can’t do a damn thing right”? There are a number of reasons why you may experience this. In today’s episode, Sarah deconstructs how gaslighting plays a part in one such reason: the experience of “Hoovering”. At the time of this recording, Sarah’s in the middle of launching some exciting new things. She’d be pumped for you to check them out on my website, here . Sarah’s guest today is Mary. Mary is a graduate student on her way to earning a PhD in history. She enjoys hiking, traveling, watching old movies, listening to vinyl records, and drinking beer. Mary lives in New Jersey with her wife Amber and cat Cricket Jo. Word of the day: Hoovering is done when a person (typically a narcissist) thinks the victim/ person they abuse or control is seeking to move away; it’s an attempt to reclaim the sense of power and control by causing distress; if a source of supply pulls away or tries to go no contact, the narcissist may attempt to hoover (as in vacuum-suck) them back within his/her realm of control. Gaslighting behaviors are almost always a part of this dynamic. One way we can see this played out is in a family of origin context where there’s fluctuation between being treated as “The Golden Child” and the “Scapegoat”. Mary’s story in a clear and profound example of this dynamic. Storytime: Sarah and Mary discuss the details of Mary’s relationship with her narcissistic mother, and dig deep into the dynamic of the extreme fluctuation between golden child and scapegoat Mary experienced. How Mary’s Mom called herself a “Prophet”, and how this set her up to be unable to be challenged. How Mary went from “the child of promise; god’s little lamb” to “the messed-up child who needed saving, and only her mom could help her” once she graduated high school. Mary shared her experience of extreme control as a young 20-something – from her bedtime to the things she ate, all because she was a part of the “Green Beret Christian Training Program”. What helped Mary finally be able to break free. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah deconstructs the main points around love-bombing, undermining, coercion, and mind games. Sarah shows Mary some things to look out for moving forward, and validates how in Mary’s extreme situation, mastering the skills used in the Negotiation Trap was a survival skill! (That no longer serve her). Set Your Alarm: If you can relate to today’s topic, here are three things in setting your alarm: 1) Reach out to a safe friend, helping professional (therapist/coach/layperson) , or even a domestic violence center. 2) Start keeping track of things – safely… keep track of conversations, and keep track of WHEN the different messages are being said. 3) This one will be hard, but start trying to ask yourself, “If I were free to be me, I’d (want this, feel this, ask for this, not allow this, do this differently) – give yourself permission to not act on what you discover right away – you’re just being curious and trying to reconnect to yourself. Want to be a guest on podcast? Submit your request here . Remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 If we dance, we're going to do "IT" 1:01:42
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1:01:42Have you ever found yourself questioning the ideas, opinions, or beliefs of those around you - whether that be your family, your church, your community, or even society at large – but not feel it’s OKAY to question them? In today’s episode, Sarah deconstructs how that could be due to gaslighting. Our guest today is the Queen of Intimacy, Jenni Rochelle! ( jennirochelle.com ; Instagram: @thejennirochelle ; Beauty After Betrayal podcast ) Word of the day: Indoctrinate: Falls under the umbrella of brainwashing, but different in that with indoctrination, the situations revolve around groups as opposed to 1:1. Here’s the definition: to teach (someone) to fully accept the ideas, opinions, and beliefs of a particular group and to not consider other ideas, opinions, and beliefs. When deconstructing, Sarah pulls apart things that almost always overlap – think of H2O, or water. Two parts hydrogen, one part water. The gaslighting we experience in the religious, cultural, and societal constructs are like H2O – but it would be I2C: two parts indoctrinate, one part coercion. Basically, to be loved, approved, and accepted (or “worthy”/wanted), you have to align your ideas, opinions, and beliefs to theirs. Today, Sarah and Jenni explore the ways they experienced this revolving around the topic of sex. So, trigger warning…. Storytime: Sarah and Jenni talk about the ways they experienced gaslighting around sex – messages they were directly/indirectly told as they were growing up that led to these main beliefs: sex is not okay; sex is shameful. They further discussed the nuances of gaslighting around FEMINE sexuality, and the direct/indirect messages that led to these main beliefs: women aren’t supposed to like sex; women give pleasure, we don’t receive pleasure; women should be responsive - they shouldn’t be initiators/we should wait. Deconstruction Zone: Grandmother/religion/culture/society = collective gaslighter. Through patriarchal and puritanical messages, the validity of questioning things was challenged Brainwashing/indoctrinated: there was only one “right” way to enjoy sex + the distortion that even just having curiosity was “sinful”; sinful = unacceptable = threat to the attachment (exclusion). Desire to be loved/accepted/included/wanted by others + the gaslighting = conflict between self-love and getting the love of others. Fell into explanation trap/negotiation trap… sacrificed truth/voice needs because the blame Jenni took on for the gap between what was being “taught” to her and what she felt in her knowing. WAY easier to do than take on a whole-ass construct! Repetition of this sacrificing = Jenni to become disconnected from self = unable to express own feelings/needs/perception (sexually repressed) Set Your Alarm: Jenni shared her tip of “Going slow is your super-power” – getting curious and ASKING the questions where you think/feel something different. To get clear about sexual things, specifically, work on getting in touch with your body; pay attention to the expansion/contraction. Set the snooze: Regarding the Explanation trap – pay attention to when the explanation does NOT bring relief/understanding, but rather causes more confusion, anxiety, and fear. Remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! Have a question you'd like Sarah to answer? Submit questions here Want to share your experience on the podcast with Sarah? Request to be on podcast here…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "He just wanted to help with the towels!" 52:46
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52:46Did you know that we can unknowingly gaslight OURSELVES? Why do we do that? How might that show up in our lives? In today’s episode, Sarah and her guest will deconstruct one of the ways people gaslight themselves, as we talk about an example from her life. If you’re learning from the things Sarah is doing in this podcast, Sarah would like to invite you to attend her FREE workshop. Find out more details, like when the next workshop will be, on her website here . The guest today is the AMAZING MJ DENIS! Word of the day: CATASTOPHIZE - According to the APS dictionary of psychology, to catastrophize is: to exaggerate the negative consequences of events or decisions. People are said to be catastrophizing when they think that the worst possible outcome will occur from a particular action or in a particular situation or when they feel as if they are in the midst of a catastrophe in situations that may be serious and upsetting but are not necessarily disastrous. Story Time: Sarah and MJ discuss how catastrophizing, though being a normal, human way of expressing our anxiety, is something that falls into self-gaslighting. MJ gives a few examples of how it sounds, including the moment she knew she wasn’t “okay” during her post-partum depression. They talk about how it’s distorting our own reality, and how this pulls us out of alignment and our of our power. Deconstruction Zone: There are a number of ways and reasons a person may gaslight themselves. Catastrophizing falls under Changing Reality. When we do this to ourselves, we are unknowingly distorting the facts (cognitive distortion) of things we either HAVE experienced, or MAY experience. This is a negative distortion – either in the way of how people will view us, or the “danger/harm” we may experience. Main reason why people unknowingly do this: Survival/Trauma response: our brain’s job is to protect us/assess for potential hurt/harm… ongoing trauma can exacerbate this or cause this function of our brain to work on over-drive. “Situation” = FEAR of rejection/some sort of punishment or retaliation = if I can predict the hurt/harm, I might be able to avoid it = we “forecast” worst case scenario, and we think we can protect ourselves. ***Is actually DISempowering, bc we can’t use the right tool(s) we may need. Set Your Alarm: UHH Scale – Uncomfortable/Hurt/Harm – we can use this scale a few ways; for catastrophizing: 1) What is the situation? – notice any vagueness – get specific. 2) What am I “making up” is happening/will happen (energy of understanding my brain will fill in any gaps)? 3) Get curious – am I exaggerating anything? Am I distorting the facts anywhere? 4) Where on the UHH scale would this fall? Remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! Have a question you'd like Sarah to answer? Submit questions here Want to share your experience on the podcast with Sarah? Request to be on her podcast here…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Have you ever found yourself playing the “If/then” game? Like, “If I could only (do this better), then they wouldn’t get so upset with me”? That can be due to experiencing gaslighting, and Sarah is here to deconstruct that for you so that you don’t fall into it anymore! If you’re listening for the first time, Sarah works with people in a variety of ways to understand gaslighting, shift the power, and heal from the effects gaslighting has had on them. If you’d like to learn more, please visit her website here . Word of the day: Concession: the act of conceding or yielding, as a right, a privilege, or a point or fact in an argument; something allowed or given up, often in order to end a disagreement. One of Sarah’s biggest passions is to help people awaken to how they are making concessions in their lives and relationships. Jeannie’s story is the perfect example of how this sounds, AND plays out in our lives… Storytime: Sarah and Jeannie discuss the recurring experience with Jeannie’s ex-boyfriend, where she was told to make choices, but when she did, she experienced a variety of gaslighting behaviors that were basically consequences (unless her choice was the same one her ex wanted, too). They talked about the role of the “non-choice choice”, or what ended up being a mirage of having choice… Jeannie’s ex only made it LOOK like she had a choice, but she didn’t. They talk about the role of making concessions in their dynamic; how she would sacrifice her needs/safety in order to benefit him/his needs. Deconstruction Zone: The main point: the Ex’s end game; It jumped out at Sarah when she read Jeannie’s words: “ I quickly learned that he wanted to know what I wanted, as long as that was what he wanted too.” Predominant gaslighting pattern: Mind games: make it look like he gave Jeannie a choice > only okay when it’s what he also wanted; when not what he wanted – “dealer’s choice” (including combinations of the following): Exaggerate his wounds, highlight her “flaws”, refuse to accept answers, give in and then be resentful/find something to be upset about and then blame her (DARVO). All = undermine, break down and control Combined with coercion Effect = Break down of independence = “conditioned” The combination of Jeannie trying to see things from other’s perspective + seeing/doing the work of trying to anticipate/meet needs/balance his moods filters into the Empathy and Negotiation traps… put these two together, and it’s the perfect recipe for making concessions: “they feel this way because ____, and IF I can _____, then ______ (Negotiation). Set Your Alarm: Two things to pay attention to: Concession vs compromise Pause vs discard Remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! Have a question you'd like Sarah to answer? Submit questions here Want to share your experience on the podcast with Sarah? Request to be on podcast here…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "If you want dessert, you have to eat your peas" 40:58
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40:58Narcissism. Manipulation. Toxic behavior. Dark Triad. Gaslighting… all buzz words – do you ever wonder if there’s a difference, and if so, what IS the difference? In today’s episode Sarah deconstruct her guest, Nicole’s FOO in a way that will address these questions. If you’d like to learn more about these types of things, you are invited to attend Sarah’s FREE workshop. Read all about when the next one starts and get the details here . Word of the day: TOXIC, as in toxic person/relationship. Definition per webmd: anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life . When it comes to gaslighting, the KEY is recognizing and understanding the impact a person’s toxic behaviors has on you. Per my definition of gaslighting, your thoughts/feelings/perceptions are CHANGED due to the other person influence. In other words, it's possible for someone to exhibit toxic behaviors to end up gaslighting us, AND, it’s possible for someone’s toxic behaviors to NOT gaslight us. Story Time: Sarah and Nicole talk about the pigeon-holing Nicole and her sister experienced as children, and the impact that had on how she saw herself (the limiting beliefs she carried into adulthood). They then contrast that with toxic behavior Nicole has experienced, over and over, around family holidays – and yet, in THESE situations, Nicole was NOT gaslit. Sarah and Nicole discuss the key differences, including the difference between having emotional responses to toxic behaviors vs being gaslit (altering thoughts/feelings/beliefs/action) by toxic behaviors. Deconstruction Zone: The pigeonholing Nicole’s mom did can be broken down into this pattern of gaslighting: Combination of coercion and brainwashing: She defined WHO Nicole was (what she was good at, etc) = changing/ignoring of reality + minimizing/trivializing of talents that fit outside of her description of Nicole Coercion (ZERO intent/awareness) + reinforcing messages (aka brainwashing) by rewarding when she “performed” according to what pleased her. Over time, we don’t just do this to get love, we assimilate these expectations/definitions of ourselves. Nicole was “vulnerable” to gaslighting = the parent/child dynamic, when the parent has toxic behaviors/patterns, it can turn normal/natural/HUMAN desires into vulnerabilities for being gaslit: desire to believe/trust the person + desire to be seen/understood, and experience approval from the person + desire to be loved by the person… Without emotional maturity, self-awareness, and connection to our knowing, makes us vulnerable to unknowingly allowing ourselves to be defined by other people. Set Your Alarm: Be mindful of when the desire to understand ALLLL the things becomes all-consuming. You don’t have to read every article on all the buzz words. While it can be helpful, the MOST helpful thing is to sink inward –asking yourself how you FEEL in the relationship is the truest truth you can find. So today’s tip is to strive for balance in your search for understanding between what is happening outside of you, and what is happening INSIDE of you, with tipping the scale, ALWAYS, in favor of sinking in to your knowing. Remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! Have a question for Sarah, or want to share your experience on the podcast? Click here…
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Are all people who gaslight also narcissists? Have you ever wondered if it’s not that one-dimensional? In today’s episode, Sarah deconstructs her guest’s experience in a way that will help answer these questions. My guest today is Cat Etherington. Cat is a certified professional life coach and integrative counselling practitioner. She currently serves as Director of Recovery for Naked Truth Project, an international nonprofit offering support to individuals and couples impacted by problematic sexual behaviors. Word of the day: SCALE, as in “Behavioral Observation Scale”. In Sarah’s work with the topic of gaslighting, she saw that there was a WIDE variety of gaslighting experiences. Most importantly the level of the gaslighter’s awareness and the different “motives” for resorting to gaslighting behaviors. So, she created her “Scale of Gaslighting as a Behavior”. We all are familiar with the Charles Boyer/”The narcissist” end of the scale; in Cat’s story, you’ll get a REALLY clear picture of the other side of the scale – and, how EVEN when someone is unaware that they are gaslighting, the impact can STILL be traumatic and damaging. (Want to get an in-depth understanding of my scale? Sign up for my workshop here !) Story Time: Sarah and Cat discuss what could be considered “low-level” gaslighting by Cat’s dad throughout her childhood: Revealed the culprit of Cat’s story: when any negative emotion was expressed, her dad would say, “Don’t be silly…”. Deconstruction Zone: The main aspect is the roles – when someone holds a role of authority or love (or, in this case, both), it’s normal/natural/human to TRUST them. As a child, Cat looked to her dad for the information on how to live life – how to navigate relationships, etc. Role + “risk” of wanting to trust + desire to be good enough/loved by your parent = Cat vulnerable to unknowingly allowing her dad to define for her how to live/feel/behave, etc. Combine this with the gaslighting Cat’s dad did = her to see parts of herself as negative (even unwelcome) = she stuffed that part. She got sucked into the negotiation trap: “If I can not be “a silly girl”, then I will be loved.” Cat’s dad’s statement of “Don’t be a silly girl” was a minimizing statement of her feelings that carried a negative connotation. While he was unaware of what he was doing, he basically brainwashed Cat into believing that being silly was “bad”, and that certain feelings were silly = certain feelings were bad. Set Your Alarm: Understanding that gaslighting behaviors are on a scale allows us to approach it with a different energy – that is, with curiosity rather than fear. To live awake and free, Sarah’s tip today is these three things that can help you do this: Get safe – make sure you are in a safe place – even better, with safe people. Get grounded – do some rectangular breathing, body tapping, meditate, whatever gets you grounded in the present moment (where you are safe). Give yourself permission to not have to make a decision right now about whatever you discover as you get curious – detach from the outcome of what you find. Remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! Have a question you'd like Sarah to answer? Submit questions here Want to share your experience on the podcast with Sarah? Request to be on podcast here…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 Haley Drew and the Case of the Ghosting Boyfriend 55:16
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55:16Have you ever had someone just completely ignore you, or cut off communication with you, for seemingly no reason? And when that happened, were you like today’s guest, Haley – did you ask yourself what YOU did wrong to cause that response? Today Sarah unpacks the pattern of Haley’s relationship with her ex to explain why we often put up with this type of behavior for FAR TOO LONG! If you’re ready to deconstruct the gaslighting in your life so that you can live awake and free, Sarah wants to teach you how. Check out her “Deconstructing Gaslighting” programs here ! Word of the day: As a gaslighting tactic, inconsistency can show up in a variety of ways; the main thing we want to look for is THE PATTERN of inconsistency and then pay attention to what happens in our minds and hearts as a result of the inconsistency. Haley’s story highlights this so potently… Story Time: Sarah and Hayley talk about the pattern of some (usually unknown) event being a catalyst for her then boyfriend to either just up and ghost her, or criticize and blame her, and then ghost her. After a period of time, he would reappear in her life, and justify his ghosting with some victim-y story, typically combined with a non-apology apology, and THEN he would love-bomb her to draw her back in. They talked about the self-gaslighting and self-abandonment this eventually happened for Haley, and, how she found peace. Deconstruction Zone: The pattern of behaviors from Haley’s ex, and how they “hooked” her: Ignoring reality – not answering texts, not letting Haley know what was bothering him, etc. WHICH IS A POWER PLAY. Whenever it pleased him, he would come back and exaggerate his wounds, painting himself as a victim. AND THEN… the love-bombing to lure Haley back in/forgive. WASH AND REPEAT. Inconsistency + coercion = Haley suffering from mind games. Haley’s desire to keep the relationship going + desire to fix things/make them come out well = losing connection to her knowing/perception. Combined with her ex’s gaslighting, this led to self-gaslighting in the form of questioning/blaming herself, as well as something we call “false hope”. Set Your Alarm: Look for inconsistency: 1) When a person’s word, actions, and energy don’t line up. 2) When they say one thing one day, and something completely opposite on another day. Now – people are allowed to change their minds… we’re talking about when people change what they’re saying in such a way that you can NEVER do it right. This is not about them changing their mind – this is a power play, and a way to keep you in a place of confusion, which, ultimately, makes you easier to influence/control. IF you think this is happening in your relationship, start tracking it. Look to see if there is a pattern. Closing: And thank you, my listener, for listening to today’s episode. If you found it helpful, please leave a review and subscribe, and if you think others would benefit from it, please share it. And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! And now I leave you with the anthem of this podcast: Not Today… Have a question you'd like Sarah to answer? Submit questions here Want to share your experience on the podcast with Sarah? Request to be on podcast here…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "I'm a spicy tamale, you can't gaslight me!" 48:33
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48:33“How do I heal from gaslighting?” In today’s episode, Sarah and her guest Emily talk about the journey of connecting with her knowing, and how that translates to being able to stand her ground in the face of a gaslighting attempt. Do you want to learn how to stand your ground, too? Check out the 12-week program Sarah created specifically for this reason! (There’s also an option for a 1:1 package , too). Word of the day: KNOWING – Sarah read an excerpt from Glennon Doyle’s book: Untamed. Story time: Sarah and Emily talk about her “Day Before Thanksgiving Story” experience with the man in the parking lot, who almost backed up into her, then tried to intimidate and bully her! Emily shared the aggressive/intimidating things he did; how she was able to stay in her knowing, AND, yet, how a trauma response was still something she experienced. Sarah talked about the reasons why recognizing these types of “minor” gaslighting incidents are important: We need to understand how pervasive gaslighting behaviors are. Emily and Sarah talked about the fact that while Emily’s response here was an empowered one – it was one that came YEARS after she learned about and began working on healing from gaslighting. They went back to the “Old Emily” and shared how different her response to this situation would have been. Sarah and Emily talked about how different it is now, and how out of alignment a response like that would be, now. This is when Emily emphasized that point by saying how she’s “A spicy tamale – you can’t gaslight me!” Deconstruction Zone: What stood out to Sarah was how this person stepped into the role of THE BULLY. He used both non-verbal and verbal intimidation; changed reality by distorting the facts and exaggerating about Emily’s behaviors; ignored reality by refusing to accept facts contrary to his feelings/thoughts.; he undermined by being condescending, disrespectful, and using cutting remarks. This COULD have led to mind games and ultimately to someone losing connection to what they knew to be true. Even though that DIDN’T happen, Sarah created “Old Emily’s” flow-chart: Didn’t really see who she is; not fully in her “knowing”, had not fully embraced her power. Creates an energy/“base-line” of self-doubt, which leads to being uncomfortable with disagreement and having a hard time acknowledging when someone was treating her badly. This led Old Emily to take on self-blame and focus on keeping the peace. Emily and Sarah discussed what it takes, and what it feels like, to connect with our knowing. Set Your Alarm: Set an intention to “grow your knowing”; give yourself permission to “check in with yourself”; and don’t forget: growing your knowing is like shopping for jeans. Closing: Thank you for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it, please leave a review and subscribe, and if you think others would benefit from it, please share it. And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! And now I leave you with the anthem of this podcast: Not Today… Have a question you'd like Sarah to answer? Submit questions here Want to share your experience on the podcast with Sarah? Request to be on podcast here…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Have you ever said, “I used to be (so confident; more fun; more relaxed, etc)?”. In today’s episode, Sarah deconstructs how the gaslighting tactic of UNDERMINING is often the culprit for this experience as she unpacks the main dynamics in her guest Kayla’s relationship with her ex. Word of the day: Undermine – when it comes to gaslighting, undermining is a technique often used to cause the other person to lose connection with and trust in themselves. When we no longer know who we are, there’s no way we can trust ourselves; and if we can’t trust ourselves, we become more and more vulnerable to other people defining for us who we are, and how we should live. Want to know if you’re experiencing gaslighting? Check out my free self-assessment here ! Story Time: Sarah and Kayla discuss the numerous ways her ex gaslit her into becoming a smaller and smaller version of herself. How Kayla went from being single, thriving, and knowing what she wanted from an intimate partner, to feeling a mere shadow of her former self. When the relationship first started with her ex, everything was almost perfect, but then the “Honeymoon” phase ended abruptly about four months into the relationship. How Kayla’s search for answers led her to attachment theories, to learning about narcissism, to, eventually, gaslighting. How Kayla “began a crusade” focusing only on his needs and ignoring all of her needs. Sarah and Kayla discussed the main areas of gaslighting Kayla endured; about her darkest days towards the end of that relationship, and where she is today. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah focused on what stood out to her – CHALLENGING THE VALIDITY OF YOUR FEELINGS, NEEDS, DESIRES, ETC. Sarah highlighted: Brainwashing & Mind Games Through HIGHLIGHTING FLAWS & UNDERMINING Sounds like: focusing on your faults & exaggerating them; “You’re too needy; you’re insecure; you need to work on yourself, etc.” ***He was especially insidious because he was insulting/critical about things that were Kayla’s insecurities AND strengths & accomplishments. Kayla’s empathy = disregard own needs and feelings Desire to “fix” it (Kayla’s “competitiveness”) exemplified the explanation trap = self-gaslight/take on blame. Negotiation trap – “If I could be better; I need to work on myself to be better for us.” Set Your Alarm: When it comes to undermining, pay special attention to two things we saw in Kayla’s story: 1) Criticism or insults in areas you typically feel confident in; 2) Using withdrawal/silent treatment when you do something the other person doesn’t like OR you won’t do something they want you to do. In a healthy relationship, the other person celebrates your strengths and is your biggest fan; they want to see you thriving. They also listen to you, respect you, and validate you when you want something other than what they want. Thank you for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it, please leave a review and subscribe, and if you think others would benefit from it, please share it. And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! Have a question you'd like Sarah to answer? Submit questions here Want to share your experience on the podcast with Sarah? Request to be on podcast here…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 D.A.R.V.O. and the Dangling Carrot 53:58
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53:58Have you ever felt like you’re the one to blame for all the problems in the relationship? Why is that? What is that called? In today’s episode, Sarah deconstructs a gaslighting experience, highlighting the D.A.R.V.O. method. Join Sarah and her guest, Lauren, as they talk about Lauren’s relationship with her ex. They’ll get specific about a trip to the mountains, and how that epitomized so many gaslighting experiences in Lauren’s relationship with her ex. . Word of the day : D.A.R.V.O., which stands for defend/deny, attack, reverse victim offender. The main point here being VICTIM. Many people who do gaslighting behaviors are never to blame for their behaviors, choices, or even feelings – it’s your fault, their mom’s fault, heck – even the dog’s fault – but NEVER theirs. Story time: Sarah and Lauren talk about Lauren’s relationship with her ex-husband of six years, and some of the components of the gaslighting experiences she had: He would say that if only she would do x, y, or z, then maybe he could find a way to feel that way about her again. So she would do x, y, *and* z and it wouldn’t work. This is where we started talking about “The Dangling Carrot”! Deconstruction Zone: Gaslighter’s behavior: Used D.A.R.V.O. to avoid taking responsibility Flowchart: Undermining, coercion, overstating his needs + minimizing her attempts to love, belittling, punishing by withdrawing/silent treatment, and putting the responsibility on her to “fix it”. Diversion, ignoring reality/ignoring her requests, “highlighting flaws”, and invalidating her needs and feelings. Gaslightee’s flowchart: Explanation & Negotiation traps – hard time acknowledging being treating badly & self-blame = I can “fix” it. Set your alarm: Look out for DARVO. Biggest key is imbalance – if the other person is pretty much NEVER taking responsibility for things/someone else is always to blame; they paint themselves as victim (joke about chalk); and especially if YOU are the one that is always at fault, whatever the reason may be. Slow down, check in with yourself – get curious. Closing: Thank you for listening to today’s podcast. If you liked it, please leave a review and subscribe, and if you think others would benefit from it, please share it. And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! And once again, I leave you with the anthem of this podcast: Not Today… Visit Sarah's website to download her FREE guide: How to handle a gaslighting experience when you see one and/or Assessment here Have a question you'd like Sarah to answer? Submit questions here Want to be on the podcast and have Sarah deconstruct your gaslighting experience? Request to be on podcast here…
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1 "It was a shift that people noticed" 58:33
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58:33Can gaslighters get “better”? Can they stop doing gaslighting behaviors? Today, Sarah brought on a special guest, and you will get to hear the heart and actions of a person that was both a victim of gaslighting AND the gaslighter for many years – and is now not only FREE of the hold of that behavior, but is also helping many, many people heal. All three offerings of Sarah’s 12-week course are NOW OPEN! While we are waiting for the app to be approved, things are still a little glitchy, but spaces are already being filled, so if you’re interested in taking your understanding of gaslighting to the next level, go check it out here today! Sarah needs you! So, if you’ve been waiting for the “right time” to submit your story or question for the pod, please contact here today! Word of the day: Amends – as in, the making of – Merriam – Webster defines making amends as “to do something to correct a mistake that one has made or a bad situation that one has caused.” When you make amends, you go further than just saying, “I’m sorry.” You acknowledge your errors, then take action to make up for what has happened in the past. Now, this can get a little confusing when it comes to gaslighting, because someone who is NOT trying to truly make amends may say the right things, and step into the “Mr/Mrs. Perfect” role… some may even acknowledge their “mistakes”, but they lack the things that make for true amends. The pod guest today is Dr. Jake Porter. Check out his social media links and website ! Facebook , Instagram , and Youtube. Story Time: Sarah and Jake talk about everything from attachments, to how gaslighting shows up in the intensives work he does, how he gaslit his congregation when he was a pastor early on in both his addiction and recovery, and how he made amends for the gaslighting he did. Deconstruction Zone: Today’s DZ is a little different. Sarah deconstructs how amends for gaslighting behaviors was made. While Jake didn’t do it perfectly, he gave a very good example of what a real amends looks, sounds, and, most importantly, FEELS like. For Jake, amends HAD to start with recovery. Part of that recovery process is doing a “Moral Inventory”. He acknowledged the things he had done and made either direct or LIVING amends, as needed for the other person’s/people’s best interests and healing. Set Your Alarm: Sarah points out two crucial things to be mindful of when you are trying to assess whether or not you think your gaslighter can “change”: Look to see if your person is actually working on their stuff and living out their amends verses faking it, by keeping track of their “progress”, and measuring whether there is consistency over time – not just for a month or even a few months… this should not be a season of life, this should be a lifestyle. A true amends includes empathy and remorse. Check out all the offerings Sarah has on her website and follow her on your preferred social media platform… Facebook , Instagram , and TikTok . These are all places you can engage with Sarah and the work she’s doing. Remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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1 I was overweight by THEIR standards 54:00
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54:00Do you struggle with body image issues? Do you, like me, find it pretty much a daily battle to not only accept, but LOVE your body – just as it is? Today, we’re going to talk about how not only external, but INTERNAL gaslighting plays a role in our body image issues. Sarah is VERY passionate about helping others truly understand gaslighting. This is the foundation for being able to OPT OUT of gaslighting experiences. The best place to start with that is her free video series and workbook Sarah created to go along with it. Word of the day: The word of the day today is coercion. Coercion is one of the seven techniques Sarah teaches about in her 12-week course. Coercion is: a form of aggressive behavior, or the practice of compelling a person to involuntarily behave in a certain way by use of threats, intimidation, or some other form of pressure or force. Coercion is often connected to more OVERT forms of abuse, and gaslighting, per Sarah’s definition, is experienced through COVERT behaviors. So, how does coercion fit in to gaslighting? Multiple tactics are combined to create an experience where the “victim” is convinced that if they do not comply, they will be punished – usually, that punishment comes in the form of not being loved/accepted/valued, etc. Sarah goes into this in much greater detail in her course. The guest today is Leslie Jordan Garcia. Leslie is a well-being entrepreneur who works with individuals and organizations to decolonize wellness through better relationships with food and our bodies. You can follow her and learn about her course here. Story Time: Sarah and Leslie talk about sooo many great things – from how Leslie, as an elite athlete, was overweight by the army’s standards when she enlisted, to how race can impact body image, to how the diet culture has sold us a lie. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah deconstructs the process of self-gaslighting when it comes to body image issues. It starts with some sort of external message – either direct or indirect/spoken or unspoken. Within that message is coercion overlapping with brainwashing. We don’t know that we can challenge these thoughts, and we NEED to feel loved and wanted, so we unknowingly make an agreement that thin = desirable. The external gaslighting has internalized and we’ve assimilated our gaslighter’s message. We now gaslight ourselves. Set Your Alarm: Leslie shares her acronym, RAIN – Recognize, Allow to roll off, Investigate, and Natural Awareness. Set Your Snooze: Sarah ads in something we can do in that “Investigate” part of RAIN. To help you do this, when you’ve noticed you’re self-shaming/self-loathing your body, ask yourself, “If I were free to be me and love myself, and KNEW I wouldn’t be any more loveable/desirable/worthy than I am right now, how would I talk to myself; how would I feel about my body? Sarah suggests a few things that could be mantras you repeat as you are breaking agreements and writing your own narrative about your body: Our bodies are so much more than calories in and calories out. They don’t get to define me – they don’t get that power. I define me. Friendly reminder: Sarah has new ways to go through her signature program. Check it out and follow Sarah on your preferred social media platform: Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. These are all places you can engage with Sarah and the work She’s doing. And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Have you ever sought out help – whether that be a therapist, religious leader, life coach, or even doctor – and not only did you NOT walk away from that experience with the help that you needed, but you ended up being further confused, possibly misdiagnosed, and re-traumatized? Today, Sarah and her guest deconstruct how gaslighting is almost always a part of these experiences and give you some tips on how to protect yourself moving forward. Sarah is VERY passionate about helping others truly understand gaslighting. This is the foundation for being able to OPT OUT of gaslighting experiences. The best place to start with that is Sarah’s free video series , where you can also gain access to the workbook Sarah created to go along with it. Word of the day: Rationalization. Oxford Dictionary defines rationalization as the action of attempting to explain or justify behavior or an attitude with logical reasons, even if these are not appropriate. In the case of gaslighting, rationalization is used similarly to minimization (that’s why it’s “inappropriate). The guest today is Julie St. Onge. She is the Founder of The New England Betrayal Trauma Conference and New England Coaching Services . Instagram Story Time: Sarah and Julie talk about the examples from Julie’s life where she tried to get help, but was instead further traumatized, and how she was able to find good, trauma-informed help… and, how she’s turned that around into helping others. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah highlights how the helping professional -in today’s story, multiple pastors – ended up furthering the trauma that was being experienced by engaging in gaslighting behaviors. The pastors rationalized away the harmful/abusive behaviors, and over-spiritualized the response to the abuse; they minimized Julie’s reality, threw her values into conflict, and basically created a diversion by placing the emphasis on spiritual principles (applied inappropriately) instead of addressing the abuse and giving Julie not only practical help, but “permission” to advocate for her safety. They minimized the risk she and her children were in, and changed (or attempted to change) the reality Julie was living day in and day out. Even they likely were not doing this on purpose – intent doesn’t really matter here. We don’t have to make excuses for helping professionals who step outside of their training, experience, and expertise. They need to do better. Set Your Alarm: Julie shares a few tips: take safety assessments; review the power-control wheel. Take stock of changes you notice in yourself (within 90 days) – if no change, add or change your helper. If you need to, advocate by saying, “I’m feeling stuck, can we have an evaluation?” Snooze button: Sarah encouraged that when it comes to helping professionals, don’t settle. You deserve to be heard, validated, and supported; you deserve to have a helper that sees you, listens to you, and helps you not only survive what you’re going through, but be able to believe in yourself and begin to thrive again. Good news! Sarah’s OMB is working out the final things on her website, so she’s just days away from having her new ways to go through her signature program be live on her website ! Go check it out and follow Sarah on Facebook , Instagram or TikTok . These are all places you can engage with Sarah and the work she’s doing. And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Do you have questions about gaslighting, or perhaps, you’d like someone – ANYONE – to help you understand whether or not your specific situation is one where gaslighting is happening? In today’s short episode, Sarah shares some ways you can get those answers. Sarah is on mission to help people move from a place of confusion and self-doubt into a place of clarity, confidence, empowerment, and peace – and she’d love to help YOU. Today’s episode is really just a check-in with her listeners – this summer created a number of opportunities that basically ended up in Sarah having a sabbatical from the podcast, so she wanted to let y’all know that she has some amazing guests lined up, but she’s not going to put up another episode until the first week in September. In the meantime, she wanted to invite you to consider bringing things to her that you would like to have feedback on or answers to. Here are some ways to do that, and important things to know: Whatever way you submit things to the podcast, you always have the opportunity to use an alias. If you’d like to ONLY submit your question/situation in writing, not only can you remain anonymous, you don’t even have to have your voice recorded; there are ways you can remain 100% anonymous if you’d like to. The two ways you can submit your story: 1) As you know, you can come on and be on air with Sarah on an episode – these end up often feeling quite a bit like a coaching session, and many of Sarah’s guests report back how helpful the experience was for them in a number of ways. 2) Sarah is now moving into taking written submissions. You would contact her, let her know you’d like to submit something, and she’ll email you with questions to answer to help her put your situation into her podcast format. The various types of situations you can submit: intimate partner, family of origin, religious, co-parenting, step-parenting/blended family, work, friend, therapeutic, cultural… and anything else you can think of! Set Your Alarm: In today’s alarm, here’s what you can do: Think about situations/relationships where you feel things are “off”, or you are plagued with self-doubt or confusion. Jot down some examples of common experiences that create this dynamic for you. Reach out to Sarah under the contact tab on sarahmoralescoaching.com. Reminder: Sarah is just DAYS away from going live with her new offerings for her 12-week signature program – you can go to sarahmoralescoaching.com NOW to read up on it, and get yourself hyped to get started! And if you haven’t already done so, start by going through Sarah’s free video series (what used to be called her workshop). And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Does it ever feel like your gaslighter says and/or does things to push your buttons? This can happen in a variety of ways, with a number of different results. In today’s episode, Sarah and her guest deconstruct how she experienced her gaslighter doing what we call poking the bear. Would you like to share your story, get Sarah’s brain on what you’ve experienced, and understand more clearly what’s been happening in your relationship? Access the calendar here . Word of the day: Exaggerate. According to dictionary.com, to exaggerate is to magnify beyond the limits of truth; overstate; represent disproportionately. When it comes to gaslighting, we typically see this in two different flavors: the gaslighter exaggerating their wounds, OR, as we’ll see in today’s story, exaggerating “faults”… and when we say faults, it’s taking normal, human behavior, and exaggerating them so that they appear as character faults. Story Time: Sarah and Linda discuss how Linda came to see how her soon-to-be-ex-husband used this tool of exaggeration to paint himself as the victim, and was able to “poke the bear” in his interactions with her – especially once the divorce process began. Deconstruction Zone: Linda’s gaslighter used exaggeration to both exaggerate the impact on him and the intensity of her behaviors in order to change the narrative and paint himself as the victim. He used multiple techniques and tactics to do this: deception (lying), mind games, diversion and brainwashing, as well as distorting the facts. Gaslighting is an exchange – a discarding of our reality and a taking on of another person’s reality as our own. We don’t know that we do it, AND, we need to see how/where it happened for us if we’re going to avoid it in other relationships. We can see this exchange happen in Linda’s story – she was this kick-ass, single mom, getting shit done, and she became (because of the gaslighting) someone who doubted themselves deeply. This is a common result of chronic gaslighting. Set Your Alarm: With exaggeration, Sarah gives her clients the UHH scale, as a sort of “fact checking”. When someone paints themselves as the victim, they use words to try to convince you of how you’re hurting them, but the evidence does not support it. Ask yourself, where on the UHH scale does what I’m doing fall? As in almost every case – sink in to YOUR knowing. If your gaslighter is telling you your anger is out of control, etc., - get clear on how YOU would define these things. Your gaslighter doesn’t have to agree with you, but it changes the way we SEE OURSLEVES, which is key. They can continue to hold whatever description of you they want – YOU know when you’re stepping out of alignment with how you want to behave when you are angry, etc. YOU DEFINE YOU. Nobody else gets to define you. If needed, check with other (safe) people to get feedback: “Is this how you see me?”. More likely than not, your safe people will tell you the truth (and it will likely be something like, “That’s ridiculous). Sarah is going to have some exciting new ways to go through her signature program, and she’s getting closer to launching them every day. Follow her on FB , IG , or TikTok . And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 Date night with Sarah and Melanie 49:09
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49:09Do you like to connect with the people you’re allowing to speak into your life? Like, maybe, people whose podcast you listen to? LOL. The more we get a sense of who someone is, how they live their lives, what’s important to them, the struggles they have, etc – the more we connect with them. The more we connect with them, the more we trust them – and trust is not an easy thing to come by when it’s been damaged for you. In today’s episode, Sarah does something she has NEVER done in any public arena – she’s invited her wife to come on the podcast to talk about their life together. Here's your weekly invitation to be on the podcast! If you have any interest, please don't hesitate to contact Sarah – she’d love to address any concerns you might have and make it an experience where you are being helped, and she can help a lot of other people, too. Click HERE to get the ball rolling. Sarah’s guest today is her wife, Melanie; she is the one that has been behind the scenes, supporting Sarah’s passion and pursuit of bringing her Deconstructing Gaslighting offerings to the world! Melanie is a graphic designer turned nurse, turned travel nurse. She loves experiencing new things and will never say no to trying a new cheese, beer/wine, or restaurant. She loves her people well, and her favorite day of her life was when Sarah said yes to marrying her. Story Time: Sarah and Melanie spend time answering both fun and “serious” questions about their relationship. Set Your Alarm: If there is a take-away from this episode, Sarah would love for you to take away: Don’t make concessions/settle Know your minimums and be mindful of the self-gaslighting of “I want too much”, and other limiting beliefs. You deserve to be loved well, too. Thank you, dear listeners, for joining Sarah and Melanie on their “date night”. They hope you enjoyed getting to know them a little bit, and maybe found some inspiration for setting the bar high in your own relationships. And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Sarah speaks to white women that consider themselves conservative Christians , who are struggling because of the internal conflict that is raging – because of the abuse of power they are witnessing. Unless people can see, and then confront the gaslighting that they have experienced, they won’t be able to see past the bullshit, and then do the wrestling they need to do in order to get out of that cognitive dissonance . Do you have an experience/topic for Sarah to connect to gaslighting? If so, click here to let Sarah know. Word of the day: Cognitive Dissonance - According to verywellmind.com, The term cognitive dissonance is used to describe the mental discomfort that results from holding two conflicting beliefs, values, or attitudes. This experience of trying to hold two conflicting beliefs is ALWAYS experienced as a result of chronic gaslighting. Story Time: Today, Sarah gives a few examples from her own life of how she came to recognize the cognitive dissonance she was unknowingly experiencing and how she found peace. Deconstruction Zone: In all three stories, gaslighting tactics of distorting facts, ignoring reality that doesn’t support their agenda, refusing to accept answers they didn’t want, laying on guilt trips, being inconsistent with the use of principles/Bible verses, exaggerating the faults all were present. These things were used to manipulate, play mind games, and brainwash people into taking on not only their beliefs about abortion/race & racism/LGBTQ+, but ALSO, what must be done about it – as their own. Sarah highlights self-gaslighting when it comes to race/racism. A common, unaware gaslighting motive is a defense mechanism to fear/shame. She specifically names self-gaslighting through minimizing, ignoring the bits of reality we feel like we can’t “handle” or “don’t relate to us”, and exaggerating things that soothe our shame/fear/sense of powerlessness. Set Your Alarm: Two alarms today: 1) Those who are experiencing the cognitive dissonance: Acknowledge the internal conflict. Question things that don’t sit right with you. You get to question anyone and everyone! Start here: what do I FEEL when I think about this issue (pay attention to your body cues); what do I like about the stance I’ve been taking/what are the values that support the stance I’ve been taking; what do I NOT like about the stance I’ve been taking/what values does it violate to have this stance? Be relentless in your pursuit of truth and consistency. 2) Those who want to talk with loved ones experiencing cognitive dissonance: Acknowledge/validate the conflict. This is crucial, and where you should start. Make yourself available to share your views/how you came to see things the way you did. Point them to experts and resources that can help them with their conflict/CD. Hold your boundaries while holding empathy for the fact that your loved ones have themselves been gaslit, and will need to be able to see this before they can break free. Remember, it is not your responsibility to “educate” them or convince them of anything. It’s easy to get pulled out of our integrity and into debates and power plays and all the things – #1 priority is to stay in alignment with who you are/your values. Sarah is going to have some exciting new ways to go through her signature program soon! Follow her on Facebook , Instagram , and/or Tiktok . And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Divorce… an experience that most often involves mediation, attorneys, judges… potentially court… and the whole process can be filled with gaslighting! In today’s episode, Sarah talks with Kim Hansen Petroni , who specializes in helping women through this very specific journey that some of us have to go through. Listen in as she shares her story, and we discuss how to navigate this difficult process. Sarah wants you.. yes, YOU, to be a guest on her podcast. Please reach out and get on her calendar here ! Bio: The guest today is Kim Hansen Petroni , a betrayal trauma specialist who is a board-certified coach that is APSATS and Ercem certified. Her passion is supporting women as they walk through the isolating divorce process. To this end, she offers groups and has created a popular blog, called “ not a casserole widow ” which offers support for women going through high conflict divorces. Word of the day: Brave – Oxford languages defines brave as: ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage. Sarah reads an excerpt from Glennon’s book, Untamed , because to Sarah, going through the divorce process requires that kind of bravery. Story Time: Sarah and Kim talk about the ways Kim experienced gaslighting through her divorce process, and how others going through this can relate and learn from her experience. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah mentions some general gaslighting behaviors to look out for when it comes to the people and circumstances often involved in the divorce process. She also sets the alarm here, too, by naming what we can do. Anyone – your attorney, mediator, judge – family – even yourself… ANY ONE who tries to convince you that your thoughts/feelings/needs aren’t valid – Doesn’t matter if you may not be able to “win” them! The starting point needs to be validation. From the opposing side (your soon to be ex, the other party’s attorney, etc): things that create conflict, confusion, and ESPECIALLY chaos – this is often a ploy to get people to “give up and give in”. Let that be your huge red flag to stop, ground yourself, and check in with your truth, and your support TEAM. A few things to be mindful of that you have more control over: Know that it’s normal to be in a vulnerable position due to the nature of the “professionals” involved in this process: know that you don’t have to betray yourself and just listen to what they’re saying – you get to ask all the questions and try to fight for what you (and your kids, if you have any) need to feel safe and secure. Be aware of the urge to fight for your “reputation”, or to be “understood”. Snooze button: Kim shares her top three tips: Divorce does not feel good (for most people)- Having someone (therapist, divorce coach) who specializes in trauma or high conflict divorce is immeasurable. Get clear on what you are fighting for! Find that TOP item, and make that your goal. You need support! If you want to join Sarah in a discussion around today’s topic, I invite you to get on TikTok and follow me – I need 1,000 followers before I can do a live stream. And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! And now I leave you with the anthem of this podcast: Not Today……
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Are you trying to navigate dating as you are healing from gaslighting, trauma, betrayal, divorce, etc.? OR, maybe the thought of entering the dating world again scares the shit out of you! In today’s episode, Sarah brings on a dear friend who is currently navigating that scene. They discuss the things she’s learned about herself, others, AND how to navigate the shit show that dating can often end up being. Would YOU like to be a guest on the podcast, share your story, get Sarah’s brain on your experience, and have her help you get some clarity on what has been happening in your relationship? Reach out and get on Sarah’s calendar here ! Word of the day: Define… Oxford Languages defines the word define as: to state or describe exactly the nature, scope, or meaning of. When it comes to gaslighting and SELF-gaslighting, this is a super important word. Gaslighting happens when someone tries to define – FOR US – exactly what we should think/feel/believe/perceive, and we unknowingly take on these definitions of who we are or how we should live – AS IF THEY WERE OUR OWN. This understanding is central to the discussion I have with my guest today, and the things she’s been learning about herself and dating this past year. Story Time: Sarah and Annie share some fun stories and talk about two main things Annie has learned over the course of her dating life post-divorce: gaslighting messages about WHO she should be dating and gaslighting messages about who she should BE while dating? Deconstruction Zone: Why self-gaslighting happens; most people, at some point in their lives, realize they’ve taken on things that aren’t in alignment with who they are, authentically. The normal, natural, HUMAN desire to be loved by another person is thrown into conflict with self-love when their gaslighter is telling them to think/feel/believe/perceive their way. Self-abandonment – this is almost ALWAYS a result of this conflict. The fear of abandonment by the other person overpowers our fear of abandoning ourselves, so we do what we need to do to win the love of the other person. Set Your Alarm: Even though the theme of today’s episode is dating, anyone can apply some of the lessons, and set their alarms in a few ways. Get curious about what our “baseline”, or starting point, is regarding what we value/want/need in an intimate partner. Let’s talk about how we can figure out what that is: Acknowledge that there is a likelihood that you have been gaslit into taking on some things that aren’t authentically you. Get curious, and pay attention to the things that have been on auto-pilot, and then ask the following questions: Are these things other people told me that I should do, or are they my own (thoughts/feelings/beliefs)? Give yourself permission to ask these hard questions: Is this my belief, or did this come from outside of myself? Does this actually feel good when I try to align myself with it? (Again, not SHOULD it feel good… DOES it feel good???!!!) Does it bring me peace and joy? Remind yourself that life allows for course corrections. You GET to figure things out as you go, as long as you’re keeping yourself safe with good boundaries. Want to stay in the loop about the exciting new ways to go through Sarah’s signature program? Follow her on your preferred social media platform: Facebook , Instagram , or TikTok . And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Have you ever found yourself in the situation with your intimate partner where you feel like you’re not experiencing the type of connection and intimacy you were expecting… in fact, you get to the point where you are basically begging for intimacy, only to be told that either you want too much, OR, that you’re at fault in some way that they are withholding? There’s a term for that, and in today’s episode Sarah shares that term, and unpacks what’s happening as she and her guest discuss how this played out in her intimate partnership. Sarah is on mission to help as many people as she can find clarity, peace, and empowerment, and she’d love to help YOU. If you’d like to be on her podcast, please don’t hesitate to reach out to her and get on her calendar here ! Word of the day: Intimacy Anorexia – According to healthline.com, Intimacy anorexia is a term coined by psychologist Dr. Doug Weiss to explain why some people “actively withhold emotional, spiritual, and sexual intimacy” from a partner. Now, while Intimacy Anorexia is NOT something I specialize in, gaslighting is almost always a tool people use to enable them to both withhold the intimacy AND keep their partner in the relationship. They do this by finding ways to blame you for the lack of intimacy – whether that be physical, sexual, emotional, or spiritual intimacy. Taylor’s story is a clear depiction of this experience. Story Time: Taylor shares the story of how her intimate partnership went from one that seemed like a dream, to one where she basically was begging for connection, and felt it especially in the areas of emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy. Sarah and Taylor discuss the ways her ex used gaslighting to make her feel like she was to blame for their lack of intimacy and keep her in the dark about his sexual indiscretions and addictive behaviors. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah names things Taylor’s ex did: Redirection/diversion was a constant; brainwashing via distortion of facts/exaggerating/criticizing coupled with withdrawal; controlling/coercion Sarah names self-gaslighting for Taylor – namely, in the form explaining away gut and settling. Set Your Alarm: If you related to today’s episode, here are some ways you can set your alarm: Research Intimacy Anorexia . The term was coined by Dr. Doug Weiss Pay attention to diversion and DARVO! Are YOU the one being blamed for the issues, or is your partner taking responsibility for their part in things? Pay attention to not just words, but words + actions + energy. If they say their going to work on connecting – in whatever way, ARE THEY FOLLOWING THROUGH? If they are following through, are they doing so, but with resentment? Ask yourself if you’re allowing your head to dismiss your gut. Slow down and connect with your body – what is it telling you about your situation? Lastly, get real and call out the concessions you are making. Two important things: Starting THIS FRIDAY, Sarah’s going to host a one-hour livestream on Tiktok, where we will discuss the topic of today’s episode. Sarah is on the verge of both branching out AND developing a new way to participate in her 12 week program – if you want to be kept in the loop, and get even more information, tips, and tools, AND you want to have a few laughs along the way, follow Sarah on TikTok – She’ll be launching my platform very soon. And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
However you identify, can you relate to the principles in these song lyrics? I'm just a girl in the world - That's all that you'll let me be…(You know the words!)… No Doubt, Just a Girl. In today’s episode, Sarah and her guest Lauren talk about how a vacation at the beach with her family of origin brought some childhood gaslighting to the surface. You won’t want to miss the real-time “A-ha” moment she had while they were recording! If you’d like to shoot the shit with Sarah, like she does with Lauren in today’s episode, and have your own “A-ha” moment, Sarah would love to have you come on her podcast - hang out, talk about your gaslighting experience, get some insights, and have a good time together! Let Sarah know you’re interested here . Sarah’s guest today is Lauren. You might remember her from the episode titled DARVO and the Dangling Carrot. She’s an amazing human being, and Sarah was excited to have her on the show again! Word of the day: Approval. Oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com defines approval as: the feeling that somebody/something is good or acceptable; a positive opinion of somebody/something. Listen, wanting someone’s approval has gotten a bad wrap.. it’s actually normal/natural/HUMAN to want approval. As we’ll hear in today’s episode, things go sideways when we make ourselves smaller, take on things that aren’t authentically us, or BOTH, in order to win that approval. When it comes to gaslighting and approval, it’s not just the spoken things that gaslight us, as we’ll hear as Lauren shares her story. Story Time: Sarah and Lauren discuss how a seemingly silly incident around her sister hearing thunder while at the beach with her family revealed to Lauren a prevalent gaslighting message she was exposed to growing up – one that had way more impact on her than she had realized! Deconstruction Zone: Lauren mentioned how there is a superiority complex in her FOO – often, in these kinds of environments, we experience things directly and indirectly that undermine our individualism; some combination of condescending attitude and words, being excluded, mockery, and likely some coercion. The result is the message – again, usually UNSPOKEN, that if you want approval and belonging, you need to (be more like us; do things our way; prove yourself worthy, etc). Set Your Alarm: This experience of making ourselves smaller and/or becoming things that aren’t authentically us isn’t solely a cis-gendered female experience. ANYONE can and EVERYONE DOES experience this type of gaslighting one way or another. So here’s how you can set your alarm: Gently, compassionately, look at your relationships; ask yourself: how important is it that I find approval from this person/these people? Then ask yourself: do I make myself smaller to stay in a place of approval or belonging? Do I try to be something that is not authentically me in order to gain/keep approval or belonging? Remind yourself of the TRUTH that you will feel most alive, loved, and free when you are living out of a place of alignment with your authentic self! If you are finding yourself stirred as you listened to today’s podcast, and are ready to deconstruct the gaslighting that has happened in your life - schedule a consultation call with me today! You can do so here ! And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "You know, it's easy to go to politics..." 32:38
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32:38In today’s special episode, Sarah decided to go solo and take on the topic of gaslighting in politics. If you have a topic like todays, or perhaps a question or situation that you’d like Sarah to unpack in an episode, please head over to sarahmoralescoaching.com and submit your question/topic! Word of the day: Diversion: Collins English Dictionary defines diversion as an action or event that attracts your attention away from what you are doing or concentrating on. You may also hear people use the word deflection, which is a synonym. We are going to see this over and over again in today’s scenario. When it comes to this often-used gaslighting tactic, we want to pay attention to whether or not our questions or concerns are ever actually being answered or addressed. When we do pay close attention, we will find that almost always, our questions and/or concerns are NOT being answered or addressed. Story time: Sarah shares why the recent school shooting pushed her to FINALLY be willing to get political on her podcast. Deconstruction Zone: Sarah deconstructs a conversation between her senator, Ted Cruz, and a British reporter. She shows how MANY politicians confuse people, put their values into conflict, and keep their base voting for them. Sarah shares her POV that WE MUST WAKE UP to the fact that if we’re NOT paying attention to the political gaslighting happening – ESPECIALLY around gun reform in the US – we will almost assuredly keep voting for people that we otherwise wouldn’t. The most prolific political gaslighters use diversion to get us to focus on ONLY the things they want us to focus on, by manipulating us around the things we feel strongly about or value. By reading through the conversation, Sarah shows how Senator Ted Cruz: Undermines/invalidates legitimate questions/statements made by the reporter by: being condescending, ignoring the question, changing reality by diverting blame, discrediting by distorting facts, and exaggerating the reporter’s behaviors; Cruz riles up and confuses his base by: using stigmatizing verbiage, distorting facts and shifting blame, presenting half-truths, overstating statements, and using brainwashing statements. Sarah gives a synopsis that answers her question at the beginning. Set Your Alarm: Sarah shares three tips/tools today: one for people who have unknowingly been falling into the trap of political gaslighting; one for people who are desperate to have conversations with people you care about who have fallen into said trap; and one general tip. All three focus on slowing down and getting curious. Personal note from Sarah: I don’t know about you, but this was an intense one! I know I took on a potentially polarizing issue. I hope I have helped you see and/or think about some new things; I hope I have challenged you to seek out truth with empathy for yourself and others. If you have questions, please contact me via my website: sarahmoralescoaching.com . As I wrap up, I’d love to invite you to come be a guest on my podcast? You know where to find me . And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! And today more than ever before, the anthem of this podcast: Not Today……
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Have you ever felt like you’re constantly putting out fires in your relationship while the other person stands and watches? How does this happen, and what part does gaslighting play in this dynamic? Sarah unpacks that in today’s episode as she and her guest discuss how this played out in his intimate partnership. Sarah is on mission to help as many people as she can find clarity, peace, and empowerment. The more she does this podcast, the more this is becoming her greatest passion. She’d love to help YOU . If you’d like to be on her podcast, please don’t hesitate to reach out to her and get on her calendar here . Sarah’s guest today is Dave. Word of the day: Responsibility. Dictionary.com defines responsibility as: the state or fact of being responsible , answerable, or accountable for something within one's power, control, or management . Let’s look at one more definition – the definition of responsible: Oxford languages defines responsible as: being the primary cause of something and so able to be blamed or credited for it. There are a number of ways someone can use gaslighting tactics/techniques to avoid taking responsibility for any number of things. As we dive into Dave’s story, we’re going to see a VERY clear picture of how his partner used gaslighting to paint himself as the Victim, in an attempt to pretty much never have to take on any responsibility. Story Time: Sarah and Dave discuss the numerous ways he was gaslit by his partner, with a focus on how his partner used the line, “you (Dave) left me no choice (but to treat you this way) because (I’m the victim in one way or another). Deconstruction Zone: Today was about The Victim role, and how most often the Victim will not discuss or take responsibility for their own faults. What we see in Mike is the classic Victim persona: Highly self-centered; everything revolves around him; Appeals to/preys upon other’s compassion/empathy; ***Would like to point out that most people don’t stay in one “role” – they overlap. Sarah named Mike as vacillating between all the roles except maybe the Romancer. Set Your Alarm: Gaslighting crosses gender, orientation, and even type of relationship – meaning, it can be parent to child, friend to friend, intimate partner to intimate partner, etc. If you related to what David experienced in his intimate partnership, and you want to be more “awake” to what’s happening, here’s how you can set your alarm: In addition to keeping an eye out for DARVO, which is when your gaslighter reverses things back on to YOU, pay attention to two things: If you’re not to blame for things, they blame anyone else they can – they are always the one that is the victim in the story. They never see or own up to their part (aka, they never take responsibility for the things that are “ within their power, control, or management.” If you are finding the things Sarah is doing in this podcast helpful, check out her free workshop and signature program . Remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 "I may have been called intense a time or two..." 57:17
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57:17Have you ever had the experience of struggling with a label that someone has put on you? Here’s a few for you: co-dependent; too much; too sensitive; intimidating; bitchy; too needy… or maybe, sometimes you’ve found labels to be helpful… here are a few: survivor; creative, empathetic. How do labels and gaslighting connect? How do I know if I’m carrying around labels that are a result of gaslighting? This is what Sarah and her guest talk about in today’s episode. Sarah wants you .. yes, YOU, to be a guest on her podcast . Whether it’s a topic like today’s podcast, or a personal story you want her to discuss – bring it! If you’d like to be on her podcast, please reach out to Sarah and get on her calendar! Just click here . Our guest today is Gaelyn Rae Emerson: a certified professional life, relationship, and divorce recovery coach, credentialed by ICF and APSATS, with advanced training by The Gottman Institute, ISH, and SASH. Gaelyn coaches men, women and couples around the world, via her private practice, Women Ever After . She is also on-staff at CORE Relationship Recovery . Gaelyn is known for (and lives by) her collection of meaningful, expressive, and well-timed quotations. Word of the day: Label. Merriam Webster: a descriptive or identifying word or phrase; or to put a word or words on (something) to identify or describe it. There’s another definition - Oxford languages: a classifying phrase or name applied to a person or thing, especially one that is inaccurate or restrictive. This is where the gaslighting aspect comes in to play. We are hit with labels from SO many different places – FOO, our culture, our society, religion, teachers, coaches, books, commercials, entertainment, and relationships (etc.!). Many of the labels we’ve taken on, we don’t even realize we’ve taken on – which leads us to the discussion today of how to navigate when labels are “positive”, and when they are negative. Story Time: Sarah and Gaelyn share personal stories that demonstrate how labels can be restrictive, helpful, and sometimes both! Deconstruction Zone: When it comes to labels and gaslighting, the main techniques are manipulation, coercion, brainwashing, and indoctrination. People unknowingly take on labels for numerous reasons. Main categories would be: 1) because of the role of the other person; 2) desire for love/acceptance; 3) haven’t had the time to develop a connection to their knowing, or their connection to their knowing has been squelched. Set Your Alarm: When it comes to labels, we REALLY have to stay connected to ourselves so that we don’t take on labels that aren’t in alignment with either our experience or who we are. So, how do we do that? Get curious: what labels do you currently carry? Where (who/what and when) did they come from? Why does this person get to define/label anything for you or about you? What role have they played? Check in with yourself: How do you feel when you hold each label? Does it track? Turn the words should/shouldn’t into red flags… these carry a HIGH probability of self-gaslighting. Gaelyn shares her “Three P’s” to help you set a snooze button with this topic! Wrapping up today - If you are finding the things Sarah’s doing in this podcast helpful, she'd like to invite you to check out her free workshop and signature program . Remember : it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
1 Gaslighting - Not just for Narcissists! 33:38
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33:38Does your gaslighter HAVE to also be a narcissist in order for you to be experiencing gaslighting? Is it an automatic connection, OR, are there other possibilities? Can people gaslight, and NOT be a narcissist… is it possible that they may not even be high in narcissistic tendencies? In today’s episode, Sarah unpacks her copyrighted Gaslighting Scale to help answer these oh-so-important questions. Sarah wanted to share the importance of working with professionals who can help you sort out where on the scale your gaslighter may be. Where your person falls on the scale makes a HUGE difference in how you can safely engage with them (if at all). In addition her workshop , she wanted to let you know about her signature, 12-week program … which she created for this very reason – to help people find clarity and confidence as they navigate if they can safely stay in their relationship with the person that is gaslighting them. If you’re in the place in your healing journey where you know this is what you need, check out the program here . Most of you have heard Sarah’s story, so you know she is a survivor of emotional and psychological abuse. As such, she would NEVER do anything to minimize the impact gaslighting behaviors have on people. Impact is NOT in question when she talks about her scale – INTENT, however, is… hang with Sarah for a few minutes while she shares her broken arm analogy with you. Word of the day: Awareness Vocabulary.com defines aware as having or showing knowledge or understanding or realization (of something or someone). When it comes to gaslighting, for a long time, the Charles Boyer character from the movie, “Gaslight”, was the epitome of what people thought of when they pictured a gaslighter: someone who is fully aware of what they’re doing, they’re doing the gaslighting behaviors ON PURPOSE, and with the INTENTION to break or control the other person. When Sarah first started studying gaslighting and came across Dr. Robin Stern’s book, her stomach sank when she realized she had, at times, been gaslighting her kids. This was the beginning of Sarah challenging this notion that “all gaslighters are narcissists”. Story Time & Deconstruction Zone: Sarah shares her Gaslighting Scale©, and goes through the levels of awareness, and three groupings of motive/agenda/intents people who do gaslighting behaviors may have, giving examples along the way. Set Your Alarm: So, how can you use this information as a tool? Give yourself permission to have BOUNDARIES – whether you have the messy gaslighter or the full-on abusive gaslighter – YOU GET TO ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED IN ORDER TO BE SAFE! Get curious about any/all of the gaslighters in your life – where might they fit on this scale? What level of awareness might they have? What might be their reason/motive/intention behind their behavior? Getting clear on these things DIRECTLY impact whether or not its safe for you to stay in the relationship and see if the other person can change. (I have more information around this in both my free workshop – and for deeper work, my 12-week program ). If you’re ready, consider how/where YOU might fit on this scale – are you unknowingly gaslighting anyone else or YOURSELF? For all three of these, get professional help if needed (which is most of us. LOL) If you would like to share your story on Sarah’s podcast, get on the list here ! Remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are!…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
In this episode, Sarah shares her passion for this podcast, the meaning and significance behind the concept of “Deconstructing”, AND WHY is it a crucial part of getting free and healing from gaslighting. Listen in as Sarah and her guest, Lauren, talk about Lauren’s experiences of Deconstructing Gaslighting, and how it can be helpful in transforming your life. You’ll smile as you hear Lauren’s giggles throughout, raise a “ME TOO”, as Lauren talks about how gaslighting caused debilitating anxiety, and shout out a “YES QUEEN”, as we talk about how identifying the self-gaslighting allows us to re-write the narrative. Lauren is a registered nurse, wife, mom, fiery Aries, passionate feminist, and all-around badass! Word of the day : Deconstruct - to break something down into its separate parts in order to understand its meaning, especially when this is different from how it was previously understood. Story time: Why (and what is) Deconstructing? Why as a podcast? #1 – Validation, shame reduction, solidarity and community #2 – To empower/educate by giving names to things Why “Deconstructing”? Sarah flies her nerd flag proud as takes you back to her love of chemistry in 9th grade, and how her love of the science lab taught her that the more we are familiar with something, the more we can recognize it in different forms/surroundings/circumstances. Sarah works with gaslighting the same way: gaslighting can show up different ways, with different people, in different situations. What is Deconstructing Gaslighting? In Sarah’s (free) workshop , she explains how there are two components to a gaslighting experience – what the gaslighter is doing, and what happens inside the person being gaslit. In her work, she has taken both components and looked at all the moving parts. The things she will talk about in this podcast are: 1) The gaslighter’s level of awareness, agenda/reason they may be gaslighting, methods, techniques, tactics, common phrases used and the roles someone may step into. 2) The stages of a gaslighting relationship (per Dr. Robin Stern) and two things about the gaslightee - risks/vulnerabilities, and the traps. In this podcast, we won’t do a deep dive, but I’ll name things from these categories, so that you can begin to understand them somewhat. (If you’re interested in doing the deep-dive, check out my 12-week program here ). Set your alarm: Embrace (your) Awakening. Embrace the process – commit to YOURSELF. Closing: Thank you for listening! If you liked it, please leave a review and subscribe, and if you think others would benefit from it, please share it. And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are! Visit Sarah's website to download her FREE guide and/or Assessment here Have a question you'd like Sarah to answer? Submit questions here Want to be on the podcast and have Sarah deconstruct your gaslighting experience? Request to be on podcast here…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
In this episode, Sarah introduces herself by sharing her experiences throughout her friendship, courtship, and 19 year marriage to her ex-husband (Where she got her "street cred" to become a gaslighting specialist). She shares some of the stories of how she experienced gaslighting, the "red flags" she didn't understand, and how she views them now - after studying gaslighting for the past nine years. Listen in, as she and her friend Annie have an intimate, raw, sassy, and inspiring conversation as Sarah shares about her journey, and Annie asks questions as a proxy for you, the listener. Word of the day: Gaslighting - when a person (or group of people), through covert behaviors, convinces another person that what they think, feel, believe or perceive is inaccurate or invalid (Sarah's definition). Visit Sarah's website to download her Free Guide and/or Assessment here Have a questions you'd like Sarah to answer? Submit questions here Want to be on the podcast and have Sarah deconstruct your gaslighting experience? Request to be on podcast here Our Anthem: Not Today, by Wendy Child We got stars in our eyes like diamonds We got heart and the fuel to light it… yeah we burn it up We got all the magic Shout out if ya have it Yeah we go with the flow like riptides Take a walk if you’re not on our side.. Yeah we’re dangerous You’re not gonna throw me Always got my home team Ooo….you’re tryna make me lose my mind Ooo.... Not Today, oh! We got our own mojo You’re not gonna stop us Don’t get in our way Not Today, oh! We're Aficionados Can’t take that away Oh no not today Yeah we light up the night with our glow And we know that our vibe is in vogue Don’t be envious We got all the magic Shout out if ya have it Ooo….you wanna try to drag me down Ooo.... Not Today, oh! We got our own mojo You’re not gonna stop us Don’t get in our way Not Today, oh! We're Aficionados Can’t take that away Oh no not today We spend all our time, on the grind…hey It’s all on the line, we’re on fire...hey Stick it to the man, we got plans…hey We will take a stand, cause we can... Not Today, oh! We're Aficionados Can’t take that away Oh no, oh no! Not Today, oh! We got our own mojo You’re not gonna stop us Don’t get in our way Not Today, oh! We're Aficionados Can’t take that away Oh no not today No, not today Ooo, no not today Can’t take that away Oh no, not today Oh no not today…
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Deconstructing Gaslighting™
Introducing Deconstructing Gaslighting, the podcast, where people share their stories about gaslighting, and I deconstruct it to show how and why it was gaslighting. I'm your host, Sarah Morales. I’m a relationship coach and gaslighting specialist; but even more than that – I’ve been where you are, and I’m here to cultivate a place for you to begin to find answers... If you’re where I was 10 years ago, then you’re looking for answers; looking for relief from things like confusion, anxiety, doubt, fear. You’re also looking for hope – ESPECAILLY the hope that comes from seeing someone who has been through the same type of hell you are going through emerge on the other side. It’s my mission and passion to make recognizing and understanding gaslighting easier. This podcast is the result of my life’s work over the past decade, and I can’t wait to share it with you. On Deconstructing Gaslighting, my guests and I will do two of the most important things needed to heal from the effects of gaslighting and emerge on the other side – that is, to emerge confident, free, and awake: First, we will share our real-life stories so that you can see yourself in others and not feel so alone. Then, we will help you find names for the things you are experiencing, but don’t have the words for. Each week, my guest’s real-life examples of gaslighting will make you laugh, cry, perhaps say a cuss word or two, and help you find a community unlike any other. We will also share tools that will most assuredly have you leaving the episode with some new awareness or application for YOUR life. New episodes air every Tuesday, 12 pm EST, and available for free on any app that supports podcasts. You are invited. And remember – it’s not about becoming who you want to be, it’s about awakening all that you already are.…
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