#87 - Grow Up

Modern Alchemy with James & Bersabeh Ray

If you’ve been following this series, you must realize by now that alchemy—turning base metal into gold—is a long and complex process.

You might recall this process is a 3-step process: clean up, grow up, wake up.

We’ve discussed the clean-up process pretty thoroughly. Cleaning your body of toxins: substances, poor nutrients, dietary habits, thoughts, emotions, feelings, contrary to most personal development, it’s difficult if not impossible to “clean up your thoughts” much less your feelings when your body and brain are toxic.

In this episode we’ll move into the Grow up stage of the process.

While this seems like something that happens naturally, it’s not. How many times do you know someone who is possibly in their 50-60s who claims that chronology, but they are very immature in their thought processes, habits, and emotionally?

I know people in their 40s who are still living the life they were living in high school, college, or in their 20’s. Still partying every weekend, still playing video games every night, still hanging out with the same friends they had in high school.

The fact is that you grow up automatically, possibly to your early 20’s but once there, you’re on your own.

There are plenty GenX adults who still blame their parents for their life; and they’re in their mid to late 40s; and a lot of them are very angry about their early years.

Now, we’re not suggesting that possibly some horrible things happened to you in your formative years. We can relate to that. But to place blame upon those things is a childish thing to do.

There are so many things we could speak about here. Still using the same slang and lingo (dude, cursing, “my bad”, rapper/gangster talk) that you used in your adolescence. Getting angry when you’re asked to work on a weekend. Planning your life around long holiday weekends so you can party. Hanging out with people half your age. I could go on but hopefully you get the point.

Hanging out with friends from high school or college when you’re long past this time in your life; and the only thing you have in common is old memories.

IF (big if) these people are growing at the same rate as you are and moving in the same direction, that’s one thing. But if they’re not… what do you really have in common with them? Chances are great you have a part of yourself, an arrested part of your personality from your past, that’s frozen in time.

These are all childish things.

Here’s a good one: building your identity and self-worth upon others’ attention or opinions. This is an epidemic driven by social media, and it affects people of all ages.

I know adults who are still posing half naked on social media, or putting forward an identity that they know is not true.

I had one client tell me: “Who I am on social media is not who I really am” Seriously? I replied, “Who I am on social media is exactly who I am in life.” What would have to happen for you to just be yourself? He replied, “that might not get as many likes and follows”.

Unbelievable; and this guy was 33 years old.

There’s a particular singer who is in her 60s… 65 to be exact… and she’s shooting videos of her dancing seductively on social media like she did back in her 20s. It’s not attractive—it’s sad.

How mature and grown up are you in your consistent language, habits, and behavior? There is no value in lying to yourself.

This is why the cleanup portion must happen first. A lot of these parts of yourself are arrested due to unresolved emotional issues.

The Christ told us, “Unless you become as little children you will never enter the kingdom.” Please remember there’s a vast difference between being “childlike” and being “childish.” Children have faith, they are open and inquisitive, they are joyful and playful. Children don’t have years of socialization and programming.

But being childish is being self-absorbed, throwing tantrums, thinking of no one other than yourself.

It’s time to grow up. It’s time to take your power back. It’s time to rise.

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