11: My children are the best teachers in my life.

BE TRUE BE HAPPY BE YOURSELF WITH YUKI MIYAKI

Transcript for Ep11

Welcome to Be True, Be Happy, Be Yourself show, I'm Yuki Miyaki. In this episode, I will be sharing with you about parenting and what did I learned from my children.

Perhaps, you have heard the saying "Children are the best teachers for their parents"? How could it be possible? Shouldn’t it be "Parents are the best teachers for children.”? We changed their diapers, look after them since they were born and woke up at midnight everyday to breastfeed. We even are their drivers as, we had to send them to schools, tutions and etc. Moreover, we also accompanied them to practice dictation do school work and satisfy their wishes. How can they be our teachers?

Today, I want to share with all of you why, "Children are the best teacher in my life.” I am a mother of four, two daughters and two son. The eldest daughter is 17 years old, the second daughter is 16 years old, the eldest son is 15 years old, and the youngest son is 6 years old. My eldest daughter’s name is Miyaki, a very cute japanese name right?

Im sure all of you think this way too: As the eldest sister, Miyaki should help to take care of the other three younger siblings. Well, I used to think like this so too. There was one time when Miyaki was about 10 years old! She told me that she had been depressed for a long time. She said, "Mummy, I actually hated when you tell me: You are the eldest sister, you should look after your siblings... Or: You are the eldest sister, you should be like this or that...... In this case, If I am not the eldest sister, that would be so great.

At the beginning, I didn’t quite understand what Miyaki meant. As she is the eldest shouldn’t she take care and show by example for her younger siblings? What’s the problem?

Later, when I think back about Miyaki’s heartfelt thoughts, I understood her feelings and felt the feelings I once had. I still remember till this day, as Miyaki once said to me grievedly: sadly: "Mommy, do you know actually I don't want to be the eldest sister, but I was born as the eldest sister, I have no choice. Well, I am the eldest sister, but it is also my first time to approach different things in life. When I have to face it first, I am afraid and sometimes I don’t dare to try it. However, just because I am the "big sister", I "should" do it, "should" understand, "should" " be brave. She asked me: Mommy, why did you make me to become the eldest sister? When Miyaki finished saying this sentence, I realised something.

How can I use the education methods of the previous generation on my children? Since I was a child, I have been the eldest granddaughter of my family, so I was also burdened with the "should" and "expectations" of the my family since I were was a child.

When I was young, I had the same feelings as her. However, I did not realize that I subconsciously placed the expectations of my parents and elders on my eldest daughter. Just as I was thinking about the mistakes I made, Miyaki told me “Mommy, I know I am the eldest sister, but I am also just a 10-year-old child. Just because I am the eldest sister, I have to devote more and work harder so I satisfy your expectations and receive love from daddy and mommy. So sometimes I really don’t like being the big sister." After listening to these words, I looked at Miyaki’s innocent aggrieved face and gave her a teddy hug. Baby I'm sorry.

During my eldest daughter's sincere confession, I deeply realized as parents we must think twice before we say to our child. We must use wisdom to teach our children, rather than teach them based on our past "experiences." child. In educating children, there is neither a no “should" nor or "should not". What we want to give our children is confidence and the ability for them to be completely themselves, rather than asking them to do as we expected. It's not about using "identity" to make them bear heavy shackles responsibilities since they were young, so that they will also carry them when they grow up. Soon, they will know how to differentiate tell good or bad and are able to think wisely.

Through Miyaki , I think there are three things that parents should learn:

1.Learn from your children

If it wasn’t my eldest daughter, I would not have seen myself subconsciously burdened with these thinking patterns in my career and family: Because I am a leader, I should do more to be recognized and be a responsible person. I have always felt that I am not good enough and I subconsciously requested my eldest daughter to reach my expectations too. Miyaki expresses her feelings bravely and sincerely, without her I wouldn’t notice my problem and started to be aware. I discovered that, most of my actions were based on my childhood self-disidentification experiences and inner emotions.

2.Learn to listen attentively

For people like me who are always busy with work and etc may fail to listen to their children. Sometimes, if the child is speaking from his heart, and his parents are listening carefully, maybe their future will be different. When your children comes to talk to you, do not slide your phone or look at the computer screen and just respond to them with "hmm okay.” If you are buried with work at that moment, tell your child that you want to listen to them attentively, and will meet them in a while.” I believe that your child will be very happy to share it with you.

3. Let them be themselves.

As we are parents and are already adults, we may accidentally let our children to learn and live according to our demand. Children are still children. Why should we make them look like adults? We should learn to look at things from the vision of children, and you will find that it is not that they aren’t

Are behaving badly or ignorant, but that we are looking at them in and adult’s vision and forcing them to grow up faster.

Well goes on an English proverb, As the saying goes, “Live and learn.” This is not only applied in gaining new knowledge, but also applies to how to be a parent and a leader.

As parents, we should be extremely fortunate to have children in our lives as teachers for us, so that we can see the world with a purer perspective and face life with a completely different vision. The purity and simplicity of a child is definitely a mirror for parents. So, mommies let’s learn from our children!

I hope that by sharing my story, will inspire you to have happy and healthy parenting.

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I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you more stories about my life and how you can Be True, Be Happy and Be Yourself !

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