126. Baking it Down - Narcissistic Conversations

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🗣️ Narcissistic Conversations - how chatty cathy is costing you cash

Okay - this isn't exactly what you think - I mean, we're not talkin' about your Narc ex. That's between you and a therapist. BUT we are talking about narcissistic conversationalists - of which many of us at times have been guilty.

🤑 And it's costing you cash.

The term, coined by Charles Deber, a sociologist, is called Conversational Narcissism and it sounds more innocent than you think. 🙊 Since we all are constantly involved in daily conversations - whether it be with the hubs or wife, the boss, clients, or the Starb barista - we have a tendency towards squandering potential connection (and thus potential sales) when we turn from car salesman to Chatty Cathy.

Mr. Derber says there are two types of responses when it comes to any conversion:

• ↩️ A shift-response
• ↪️ A support-response

🗣️ You see - people want to be ✨listened to✨. But both speakers can't be listened to at the same time, right? So when both people in a conversation attempt to speak about themselves instead of listening, we have a communication breakdown.
And when you're trying to sell, you don't want a communication breakdown. That's the figurative opposite of selling. Unless you're selling them on why they shouldn't talk to you again anytime soon. In which case, you're sticking the "leave me alone" landing.

• ↩️ John: I'm feeling really starved.
• ↩️ Mary: Oh, I just ate. (shift-response)

↩️ In a shift-response, we shift the conversation back to ourselves - our favorite topic. 😘 And who doesn't love a lil' bit of a dish of muah? My bank account - that's who. The more we shift the conversation back to you-truly, the less we gain the trust (and wants and needs) of the person we're talking to.
😥 "But Heather - I'm trying to validate them by saying I have had a similar experience!"

Cool - they don't want to talk about you - they wanted to talk about them. So let them - and then let them pay you. Because the more they talk about they - the more you'll know how to sell to them.

Let's see a support-response in action:

• ↩️ John: I'm feeling really starved.
• ↪️ Mary: When was the last time you ate? (support-response)

↪️ See how Mary redirected her question back to John? That's a support-response. 🙉 It gets John to reveal more about himself while he also feels listened to. Mary is going to talk about herself less - that's for sure, but learning more about Mary isn't Mary's goal here - the goal is getting John to tell us more information about himself.
The more you can introduce support-responses into your conversations, the more people will be drawn to talking to you. And if you're selling something - guess who will be more likely to buy from you? Yeah - it's ✨that✨ powerful.
👂 Snag this podcast and hear the one book that made the biggest impact on our businesses on any major podcast player (Spotify, Apple Music, Audible, Amazon Music, or your desktop) by clickin' here - Episode 126 - Narcissistic Conversations.