Breastfeeding Trauma and Grief: Sarah Edge (Part 1)

BLUE MUMDAYS

To launch Blue MumDays Season 3, host Vikki welcomes Sarah Edge, a perinatal specialist psychotherapist. In the first part of their discussion, Sarah shares her deeply personal and emotional journey through pregnancy, childbirth, and the complex challenges of infant feeding. She discusses her experiences with breastfeeding trauma and grief and the stark contrast between her expectations and the reality of motherhood. Sarah offers heartfelt advice to parents struggling with similar issues, emphasising the importance of compassion and seeking support. The episode also explores societal pressures and the impact of invalidation on mental health.

*Trigger Warning: *birth trauma, neonatal intensive care, breastfeeding trauma, feelings of suicide and baby loss.

In This Episode We Discuss:

[00:00] Teaser quote

[04:40] Not enjoying the pregnancy/not being what she’d expected or planned/sickness.

[08:27] Sensitivity and being self-conscious during pregnancy about how she looked

[08:04] Pregnancy isn’t an illness but it can be a hard slog on the body and mind. Expectations vs. reality.

[15:24] The birth – labour at 36 weeks. Family history of this. Primal urge to birth on her own.

[23:33] The ‘rush of love’ – actually quite rare.

[24:30] The birth took a turn – vomiting and post-partum haemorrhage.

[25:57] First attempts at breastfeeding, when things got really difficult.

[30:41] Feeling nervous about being sent home from hospital and the fear of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)

[32:43] Severe jaundice - A+E and panic attack. The ramping up of anxiety. Jack in an incubator.

[37:05] Turning a corner, starting formula feeding.

[39:15] The toll of triple feeding and sleep deprivation on Sarah’s mental health. Start of suicidal thoughts. Rock bottom.

[43:17] Understanding breast feeding trauma.

[48:56] Finding out what works best for you and your family.

[49:50] Writing about her experience – the importance of sharing our struggles.

[52:09] Invalidation and trauma.

[56:37] Breastfeeding grief and how you won’t lose that precious bond.

[01:01:49] Sarah’s experience second time around, with her daughter.

[01:05:32] Compassion is the antidote to trauma.

Key Takeaways:

1. Click this link for more information on Sarah Edge and her Maternal Mental Health services

2. Information here on The Fed is Best Foundation, which supports all families to safely feed their babies whether they feed with breast, bottle, or both (combination feeding).

3. Read Sarah’s article on Infant Feeding Trauma here on the Fed is Best website.

4. Adjustment disorder is a mental health condition that occurs when someone has an unhealthy or excessive reaction to a stressful event or life change. Symptoms can include stress, sadness or hopelessness, negative thoughts and changes in behaviour.

5. For information and support on hyperemesis gravidarum (HG is extreme sickness during pregnancy), click this link for Pregnancy Sickness Support. They are the only UK registered charity dedicated to offering support and evidence-based information to those affected by pregnancy sickness. They helped Sarah during her experience of HG.

6. NICU means a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, which is a hospital unit providing specialised care for newborn babies who are sick or premature.

7. Phototherapy is a special light treatment sometimes used to treat newborn jaundice. It aims to expose the baby’s skin to as much light as possible, making it easier for the baby’s liver to break down and remove bilirubin from their blood.

8. Triple feeding is a short-term breastfeeding method involving breastfeeding, pumping and bottle-feeding. The aim is to increase natural milk production whilst ensuring the baby is getting enough to eat.

9. SIDS stands for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Read NHS information on SIDS here.

10. Listen to 'When Birth Leads to Trauma' with Dr. Becca Moore of Make Birth Better here

11. Listen now to Dr Orinayo Onabanjo's episode on 'Mum Guilt, Trauma and Systemic Inequality'

12. Self compassion is so important when recovering from trauma. Listen to 'Self Compassion with Poonam Dhuffer' via this link

13. For anyone seeking support on baby loss, we hope the following links are helpful: Click this link for the Sands Charity, information on Petals, the baby loss counselling charity and click for information on Mayah's Legacy, the charity to support those who have lost a baby.

14. This link leads you to the Lactation Consultants of Great Britain website. A lactation consultant can help you with breastfeeding issues and advice. Sally Rickard of Baby Thrive will be featured in an upcoming episode to discuss breastfeeding.

If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review, share it and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

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Next Episode:

In the second part of this interview, Sarah Edge talks to host Vikki about her struggle with hyperemesis gravidarum (HG, or extreme sickness during pregnancy) and her battle with postnatal depression, following the birth of her daughter. (Released Monday 7th October 2024).

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.

Email: [e-mail] / Tel: [phone]

AIMS for better birthing.

Email: [e-mail]

This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible. / Telephone: [phone] (leave message)

Andy's Man Club

A non-judgemental talking group for men

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/ [e-mail]

Association of Postnatal Illness

Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868 / Email: [e-mail] (Live chat online facility)

Best Beginnings

Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering 24/7 App support for new parents

Birth Trauma Association

Email: [e-mail]

CALM

Contact CALM on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group

Email: [e-mail] (Liz Wise) / Mobile: [phone]

Contact: for families with disabled children

Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.

• helpline: 0808 808 3555
• website: https://contact.org.uk/

Contact a Family

www.cafamily.org.uk

Contact a Family offer support for all childhood conditions, are also able to put families in touch. Featuring a directory of conditions and rare disorders online.

Helpline: 0808 808 3555 (lines open Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5pm)

Dad Matters

Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.

[e-mail]

0161 344 0669

DadsNet

Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Dope Black Dads

A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world. [e-mail]

Family Lives

An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Helpline: 0808 800 2222 / www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group

Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services. Helpline: 0808 801 0366 / www.frg.org.uk

Link for information on Fathers Reaching Out

Run by paternal mental health pioneer Mark Williams, offering support to dads.

Link to Fatherhood Solutions

Scott Mair is a consultant in paternal mental health and parent education, Peer support trainer. Dad, Husband, Army veteran.

FiveXMore

A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK. Email: [e-mail]

Gingerbread

Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents. Helpline 0808 802 0925 / www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope - A directory of mental health support around the UK.

Link for the Lactation Consultants of Great Britain – for support with breastfeeding.

LGBT Mummies

Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.

Email: [e-mail]

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)

Email: [e-mail]

Maternal OCD

Peer support available, email [e-mail] to arrange

Mayah's Legacy

Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves. Email: [e-mail] / 0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group

Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy. [e-mail]

Motivational Mums Club

Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother. [e-mail]

Music Football Fatherhood - [e-mail]

Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.

Muslim Women’s Network

Helpline: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am–4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko and Bengali. Email: [e-mail]

Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk / Text: 07415 206 936

National Autistic Society www.autism.org.uk

Support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

Netmums

Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-InClinic.

NHS Services for Mental Health Issues

Contact your local GP surgery. Call the NHS on 111 and press 2 for Mental Health Team

or contact a local NHS urgent mental health helpline

If you are in crisis, visit Accident & Emergency at your nearest hospital.

PANDAS

Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401

Email support available – [e-mail]

Perinatal Wellbeing Ontario

PRENATAL, PREGNANCY AND POSTPARTUM SUPPORT & CONNECTION in Canada

[e-mail]

Petals Baby Loss Charity - click for information

Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy or baby loss. Tel: [phone]

Web: petalscharity.org/counsellingcontact/ Email: [e-mail]

Click for information on The Samaritans

Tel: 116 123 (this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)

Web: www.samaritans.org / Email: [e-mail]