what’s love got to do with it?

nicole loving earth podcast

What a week it has been and I want to say thank you to each of you who read these writings, who listen to the podcast, who send messages of support, or stop me in the street to talk about what I am doing - I love you, and know that we are all here to learn and grow from each other. I will now have with each newsletter an audio recording of the writing! this is connect with you in a way that I love - through the way I write, and how our voices carry our emotion and energy x enjoy my loves!

Oh my loves!

These days past, agitation and frustration were what I was feeling. I could say it was here because of eclipse season or mercury in retrograde but really I knew it was something within me, a force of nature blinding it’s way like a fireball of energy and wanting to rattle the cage.

I knew I could figure it out, but not while feeling frustrated or agitated. That state just wants me to blame everyone and everything around me. I know that if I’m feeling this way the quickest way to lift it is to be of service, so I was. I opened a room on clubhouse and spoke of it. A beautiful meditation and message came through, and the peace I wished for and felt was only momentarily here.

Then straight back to the feelings of agitation and frustration.

I wanted to honour why I was feeling this way, give space to it but yet I was frustrated and agitated at being frustrated and agitated.

I surfed, I changed the furniture in my bedroom around, I ordered comfort food, I wrote. Still the shadow hung.

Finally I slept and when I woke the next day, pieces of realisation came through. Speaking of it on a call with one of my students as soon as I began sharing, the thread unraveled.

I realised I don’t like being in charge. I don’t like being in my masculine. I don’t like having to lead a partnership. I want to be taken care of. I want the other to lead me. When I feel let down, I charge into my masculine energy to lead, to pick up the pieces, to forge ahead. This was a lifetime of ‘I can do it’ energy after plans are made and have fallen through.

I am purposeful and driven, I know my purpose and why I am here, still I wanted someone else to take charge on this latest project, I want to feel like for one area of my life I could rest a bit. It is tiring being both energies all the time.

How could I be in my intuitive, delicious, feminine flow if I was in my masculine? Had I created this situation? Had I prevented this person from being in their masculine? Was I intimidating in my expression?

What I was seeing here was that because I had so easily stepped into my masculine - think years of being a Chef in a very masculine industry, think years of having to take charge in working relationships, in romantic relationships that I was leaving no room for anyone else to be given the chance or the invitation to step in.

I am a direct person, I love being direct with kindness, I was seeing this other side of me which was short, stand-offish and closed down. I was in a frustrated and agitated state and displaying these behaviours.

I saw that the other person was responding differently to me being this way.

I was frustrated and agitated because I was seeing different responses and behaviour being displayed.

It opened a whole new way of witnessing relationships for me. I was seeing how what we have experienced defines for us unconsciously what we find attractive.

I started witnessing different relationships around me and the dynamics of them.

What we are attracted to and why. How it changes the levels of attraction when the behaviours change.

I always lovingly, kindly, knowingly, gently tell my students that agitation is always an invitation to expansion.

(I smiled that smile I smile when my own words come to bite me on the ass)

What I was witnessing was my own behaviour and not liking it one bit. It wasn’t me, who I am at my core. And I now had this avalanche of insight as to why.

I don’t play games, I don’t like misleading, manipulating or miscommunication.

If I like you, you know it. If I love you, you know it.

I am kind, I am gentle, I am supportive, loving, affectionate. You may be super open to this kind of attention, it may feel safe and attractive to you.

Or… say you have only experienced in your past relationships or while growing up, emotional avoidance, chaos, reactivity, aggression. This loving kindness coming to you from me may feel super uncomfortable, because you are not ready, or maybe not used to it. You may want to avoid it, or see it as clingy, as boring. You may not trust it as your nervous system and neural pathways do not recognise it as something attractive. You may not feel safe experiencing this kind of attention.

But when I become frustrated or agitated, this ignites your neural pathways as something comforting, you recognise and understand this behaviour - ahh you can relax as you know how to respond to this kind of behaviour because that’s what you have been used to. If I withhold my emotions, shut down, become reactive, all of a sudden I change in your eyes as something to be attracted to.

Attraction is super interesting. Attraction I see as unconscious patterning. When we are not yet conscious to what we are attracted to or why.

Our tastes change as we grow. What was attractive to us before may change as we heal. And what I have noticed about myself is what I was attracted to, in my past, is so far away from what I find attractive now.

We often talk about what triggers us, can we also look at what we find comfortable? And what if what we find comfortable is not actually healthy for us?

If agitation is an invitation to expansion, then can what we feel as comfortable be what keeps us small?

Without conflict, nothing changes. Without challenges, we do not grow or move forward, we don’t search for answers. We don’t try something different or look for new solutions. That spark we feel when we meet someone for the first time, could it be a warning instead of an attraction?

I wrote this little piece here below weeks ago before our last Divine Love workshop, a topic that came through as I sat in contemplation about how we see love and lust or attraction.

Imagine being the muse of William Shakespeare.

The object of his affection, someone who he feels so deeply for that all these characters of the deepest love expressed across all his works are caused by you. The power you wield, and rather than it being smooth sailing or soft and beautiful, you decide to create mayhem, create longing, create drama all for the story. That this madness created is what so many for hundreds of years after the fact have equated to how love feels or should look like.

We have associated that with love, there is pain and heartache, betrayal, longing, unrequited feelings.

That any ‘love’ we have experienced wasn’t really love unless there was drama or anguish, confusion or angst. There must be drama for it to be love, and if there isn’t any, then we will create it.

If you have had the experience of a volatile or chaotic household growing up, love takes on a meaning that you must feel unsafe. Love can hurt you, abuse you. So you grow up not trusting or fearing love. You seek out similar situations as you feel comfortable and recognise these situations. Healthy loving relationships seem tepid.

Our experiences, either lived through or those we have been exposed to through media, film, books, has taught us what we think ‘love’ is.

A calm, peaceful, soft love can seem boring if all you have witnessed has been drama, violence or abuse.

We know it is available but we also don’t have the skills or coping mechanisms to recognise, cultivate and grow this love as our defences are so high up that everything can be a trigger that sets off insecurities or false narratives we have been taught.

Love is safe, calm, and peaceful. Not designed to hurt you or wound you.

What is happening now is that you are discovering what is love, and what is not.

I have had conversations with girlfriends about this topic, and how their nervous system responds around different people. Do you feel safe? Or confusion? Do you feel you can be yourself, relaxed? Or are you withholding? These markers can show you what love is, and what is pure attraction. How our body feels in the moment is going to be a key indicator to whether you are building love, or simply lust.

A connection is not the building of a relationship unless both are feeling safe enough to be vulnerable. Feeling comfortable? - check in to see how your nervous system is responding. If you feel regulated around this person, if it is slow to build, if you are curious rather than confused, these are beautiful steps towards love. If your nervous system is agitated, if you are feeling intensity yet not consistency, this can be a clue to it simply being attraction.

I found that my agitation I had experienced opened this way of seeing relationships around me in a new light. How others responded to my behaviour. I only want to ever be loving, kind, thoughtful, considerate. Though the agitation opened this new insight, so by feeling it, experiencing it and writing about it, I found the light within me again and perhaps even healed or shifted stuck emotions. An awakening occurred and is still processing even now.

I only ever want to be me in any relationship I have. And if me being me ignites questions within you as to what love feels like, I am open to go deeper, reach higher. All emotions are here for us to be felt and experienced, and if agitation I am feeling leads me to insight, leads me to healing, I know the feeling, the emotion is temporary and here to teach me more about myself. Nothing is ever wasted when we have the courage to feel it, face it and move through it.

nicole loving earth is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Now, consciousness is a funny ol’ thing. Just yesterday during the process of this piece of writing coming through, I was taking a break and distracting myself with deciding to close tabs that were open on my computer (if you have ever shared screen with me you know I am the queen of open tabs).

I came to an open Gene Keys tab. And when I clicked on it, this window popped up for a free course in beginning to study the Gene Keys. Back in January I had a friend, Fraser, read and explain my Gene Keys to me and here I was months later back at this tab. I was in a contemplative mood and for whatever reason, I commenced the course, module by module. It came to the creation of my unique blueprint, which I have read before a few times over the years and each time it brings me to tears for explaining who I am, how I communicate and what I am to be in the world. As I am building my own online courses at the moment, this was twofold me working through the program, for insights into myself and also the course structure and layout.

I signed up for a few of the newsletters and within minutes I received an email for the Gene Key of the week…

When I clicked through the email and saw the date, saw what the key was, I broke down in tears yet again. For here, in front of me was the confirmation and validation of what I had just been through the past few days was right on schedule. That the agitation I had moved through, even though I thought I knew the cause or creation of it, was simply the instigator for my awakening.

With each Gene Key there is a shadow, a gift and a siddhi. Richard explains through the course that each shadow is to be felt, deeply to be released. That each gift offers insight, and then to transcend into the siddhi means you are free.

(if you are curious about the course mentioned, or Gene Keys click here…)

My own process and what had been presented was truly a gift. And next time agitation comes to me, I welcome it with open arms as I found more of myself within the shadow of agitation.

How and when we are led, it is always our choice to follow. Seeing the synchronicities, always the right thing, person, situation presents when we are ready.

Forever the student, may I never complete my lessons with my own journey as each time, I feel more of me open. Truly this life is such a blessing to be experienced.

Awaken to your state of being, who you are, who you long to be - they are waiting for you x

with so much love, nicole xxx

nicole is a writer & teacher of consciousness, meditation, spirituality & metaphysics; a gifted channel, akashic reader and energetic practitioner based in sydney, aus

connect with nicole via her website here

to book your personal session, or to find out more about being a student connect here

connect with nicole on instagram here

connect with nicole via email here - [e-mail]

connect with Nicole’s writings here -

nicole loving earth is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Get full access to nicole loving earth at nicolelovingearth.substack.com/subscribe